March 18, 2006


Day of the Locust

My son Marc, 14, has turned into an eating machine. I'd heard rumours about the Ghosts of Grocery Bills to Come, but I don't think you can prepare for this.

He has size 14 feet. Last week he was nearly 5'11". He leans on my shoulder and calls me 'little mom'. Today I decided to chart his food intake. It defies description, but I'm going to try.

He didn't get up until nearly noon. When he emerged from his cave, I mean room, he was growling like an emaciated bear waking from hibernation. We'd been making these smoothie things in a new blender and he stumbled into the kitchen and drank one of those. His eyes lit on a piece of brownie lying on the counter, and with it halfway into his mouth, he asked if he could have it. I'd cut his brother's bite marks off of it from the night before. I told him sure.

He had been awake ten minutes at this point. He sliced a huge Porteguese bun thing and put it in the toaster. He drank another smoothie as he waited for it. Defying biology, he ate the bun without chewing, grabbed a bottle of forbidden Coke from the fridge and headed outside.

I left the house for a couple of hours, during which time he descended on my friend Grace, across the street. Her 15-year-old Nick is even bigger. We've debated locking cabinets, but are fearful of Child Services. When I returned, I discovered that while at Grace's he'd eaten two more brownies, two kaisers stuffed with meat, ice cream, and cereal. He then came home and ate errant leftovers from our fridge, usually assigned for Brad's work lunches.

There is a lone banana left in the fruit bowl. The hidden cookies I'd been stashing are a distant memory, and dinner was more about hole filler than esthetics. I hadn't even started the dishwasher and he was asking if there was anything to eat. Upstairs, I found an empty pretzel bag.
edit next morning
I went to bed before Marc, with dreams of financial ruin dancing in my head.
This morning there are crumbs all over the counter. And the banana is gone.

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