March 21, 2006


If I Can't Have You...

...nobody can. Chilling words, those. Ever heard them said to you?

Another dead mother, another dead child. And within seconds I'd heard the familiar refrain 'perhaps some good can come from this if....'. Forget it. No good can come from this. Women have been getting killed by their husbands and estranged husbands ever since there have been marriages. Yeah, men too, but let's stick with the statistics here. Bear with me.

We blame the victim. We accept children held hostage by parents that can neither stay together, nor let go. We wave a piece of paper as a shield, and inform the terrorized that our limp wristed laws prevent us from doing anything until he actually, well, does something.

There was a talking head on a show I like the other night. A show I actually appear on. But this guy was going on and on about how there needs to be more services available for these men. That's right. Funding is being slashed to those who reach out to terrorized women and children, but there should be MORE money spent on trying to force violent husbands to accept counselling and ego bolstering.

What part of 'it is never acceptable to drive a hammer through your wife's forehead' is so hard to grasp? Couples divorce every day. Most of us adjust, sometimes adequately, other times more painfully. Time helps, people move on. You're going to get a better guarantee with a muffler than a marriage. Get used to it.

Our courts need to recognize that children need both parents in their lives. Our children are taking their cues from us - how to be men and women, how to form relationships, how to handle loss, how to build a safe haven for their own kids. Consider the children first and foremost. Love your kids more than you hate your ex.

Raise your children to know that love and control are not to be confused. Teach them to respect themselves. Give them enough self-esteem that their identity does not need to be validated by somebody else.

Human life needs to be made sacred again.

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