April 11, 2006


Horrorscope

In high school, I was addicted to reading my horoscope. In high school, life is so hellish, you will turn to anything that holds out hope of something better. And I would read as many as I had to each day until I found one that soothed my undateable soul.

I don't know when I quit reading them, probably about the same time the people that make Chinese fortune cookies started putting one of 3 sayings in all the cookies made for North America. I rather preferred the weird cryptic translations ('a large branch falls only on the weeping').

For some reason, today I glanced at them. Mine said if I tried to understand something, I might just run away. Doesn't much sound like me, but I guess everyone has running away moments. For comparison sake, I checked another paper. This one informed me I was merely mortal, and my life here in this dimension is fleeting. So one has me fleeing, one has me fleeting.

I know if I dig around long enough, I will be told today is the day I meet the love of my life (for the 547th time), I will come into great wealth (and pass right on through it), and that I should probably avoid starting new projects. Or it's the perfect time to start new projects. Whatever.

All I want is the horoscope that informs me I should be eating lots of bread, indulging in great wine and anticipating my life taking exciting, bold new directions.

Right after I clean the bathroom.

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