July 13, 2006

Just One Look...

Okay, this is going to get me in huge trouble, political correctness-wise. But seeing as how that's never stopped me in the past, here goes...

There have been impressive new developments in scientific and medical circles in assisting paralyzed people. This story today is really pretty amazing. It seems they have developed a brain implant that allows the paralyzed person to just think something, and the action gets carried out.

Now, read it and tell me you didn't think the same thing as me. If I could literally not move a muscle, and yet things would happen, would that not be the epitome of lazy person heaven? I know, I know. I'm sorry. And I'm going to hell for it. But like the commercial says, imagine the possibilities.

One Christmas, my nutty family gave me all-TV based gifts. You know, things like a Chia Pet (I got the sheep), ginzu knives (what the hell is a ginzu, anyway?) and stuff like that. My favourite thing? The Clapper. You could turn off the TV or a light without getting up. Can you say awesome?

Of course the stupid thing hardly worked. I'd lie there clapping like an idiot, and the lamp would stubbornly stare at me unblinkingly. Then I'd hear giggling around the corner and know why they bought me this stuff.

So this discovery is really like a Class A Clapper, I'm figuring. Not sure if I locked the front door? Just imagine it! Forget to turn off the hot water heater at the cottage? Poof! Done. I'd be Uri Geller, The Amazing Kreskin and Bewitched rolled into one. I could work my computer with wine in one hand and food in the other. I could shoo the cat off the table with a look.

My house would be humming with activity, as the vacuum ran itself, the toilet brush gaily flung itself around the bowl, and full laundry baskets marched up the stairs. I'd never have to stack the dishwasher, put away groceries or water plants.

Alright, I'll stop. I just realized if my life took this turn, I'd end up looking like Jabba the Hut, lying in bed in a Zsa Zsa Gabor bed jacket.


Blogger Rainypete said...

I can't keep myself staright with my current brain. If all my random thoughts were to be triggering things in the house I'd be living in some kid of crazed sci-fi story of technology run amok!

July 14, 2006 8:19 AM  

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