July 28, 2006

Stupid Is as Stupid Does

As any good cult leader knows, the first thing you do when you secure new recruits is cut them off from their families and the rest of the world. You slowly start corrupting their minds with your particular brand of misinformation, until you achieve the ultimate cult leader goal: A squad of humanbots that do anything you say, parrot back your insane teachings, and go forth in the world to procure more loyal followers.

At no cost do you tolerate outside interference. No TV, no radio, no media. The only way your ludicrous teachings will go unchallenged is if the outside world ceases to exist.

Now then. In an effort to curb government spending, the Harper government today announced plans to slash funding to international scholarship programs, including the prestigious Fullbright Scholarship.

You know, I really wish Steve (hey, if Dubya can call him Steve, so can I) would come and live in my house for a day. He could veto for my kids the daily mantra of how important their education is. Oh, I know I'm boring, spouting that garbage about how nobody can take an education away from you, unlike, say, an Ipod or a Mustang convertible, but I waste my breath anyway. Steve could back them up, and make me be quiet. Silly Mommy.

Maybe he could take down the picture on our fridge of Vianney, the youngster in Rwanda that we help support each month. The kids think up increasingly ingenious ways to cram presents into the only-allowed envelope. Perhaps Steve could explain why my eldest son's plans to one day visit the lad and work in the country that one brave Canadian fought so desperately to save are a waste of time. Oh, and that would be Romeo Dallaire, not you Steve.

I'm exhausted. He could take a turn explaining to my kids the truth of the world - nothing matters beyond their front door. They require an understanding of global issues like I need another migraine. Perhaps Steve would be so good as to explain that fabulous plan that Dubya has so eloquently laid out for him. I believe it's filed under "I Got Mine, Too Bad For You".

Let's see: Leaner, Meaner, Way Less Greener - that's my Canada.

Ever notice how Steve never has a hair out of place? Must be a salon up his butt.


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