August 31, 2006


Lasagna and Bombs

Sometimes you read something in the paper, or see a story on the news, and you think to yourself 'now, that's a really cool idea'. Maybe it's a way to make your famous lasagna with less fat and calories. Maybe it's a tip for stopping paint splatter when you use a roller on the ceiling. Maybe some little kid from a poor country has been made well by a wonderful Canadian doctor. Yes, the news is a treasure trove of wonderful stories, fabulous ideas.

Of course you have to take the good with the bad. When a townhouse in New York City blew up a few weeks back, the nation got jerked to it's collective feat as a reflex 9/11 gasp snuck up on everyone. Please, not again, everyone thought.

There was a sigh of relief when it was discovered it was only a looney man who didn't want his ex-wife to get her talons on the house. Gee, that's a reasonable response, don't you think? A little twist for the times - if I can't have it, nobody can.

As he lay injured in the rubble, I hope he felt that warm, cozy feeling of satisfaction in knowing that the whole world thinks he's an arsehole. It's a house, idiot. Walk away, earn another one, display a little dignity. I mean, really, who would do such a thing?

Well, not only real estate-crazy Manhattanites, apparently. Mississauga has a copy-cat. The owner of a house that was levelled by an explosion apparently tooks his cues from the good doctor. I need to know: What part of this seemed like such a great idea? I mean, you watch the news, you see a house destroyed along with other people's property, a situation where many people could have been hurt or killed, a guy who not only lived, but now has to live it down, and your response is, "hey! What a great idea!"

Excuse my reaching here, but if a guy can do this, he's only inches away from being able to kill his ex. Seriously. If your thought processes allow you to place innocent people at risk, can you imagine what you'd be capable of doing to the person who you blame for your sad, sorry life?

I think there's two things happening here. Maybe she's a vicious bitch who you feel doesn't deserve a dime of the money you earned. Shouldn't have gotten married. If a guy's sense of worth is wrapped up in what he owns, he should go live in a room somewhere and count his money. Have a nice life.

If you've been wronged (and you can't write a song about it), you want the other person to know. Trust me; they don't much care. It's over. So take your share, go buy another house, and get your revenge by becoming happy and living well. Happy people totally piss off unhappy people. And quit filling the news with stories of rumoured bombings in a fragile world.

What we really need is recipes for more low-fat lasagnas.

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