August 25, 2006

Pluto, We Hardly Knew Ye

Aw. They've dissed Pluto. Officially yanked it's planet status, because it's too small, too useless.

I always liked Pluto. It took up less of my magic markers when I was drawing the solar system in school. You could make Pluto your favourite colour, because you wouldn't waste as much. And now, just like that, a bunch of academics have told us what we thought we know, we don't. It's like when a judge tells a jury to 'disregard that last statement'. Was it Dylan who mentioned unringing a bell?

So it's a wee planet. Or planette, perhaps. Let's rethink a few things here. I think baby toes are pretty useless. They get squashed sideways, and mine are just little blobs that make it impossible to paint the nail on. Maybe we can find a committee to deem them no longer toes.

How about those little tiny photos they give you a whole sheet of in your kid's school photo package? The size of my thumbnail, they are utterly useless. If we're being sizest, let's abolish those while we're at it.

Dish sets that come with saucers, restaurants that plop little containers of jam on your plate (just put 'em in a bin on the table, please), free samples of shampoo you have to open with your teeth, and those little tiny screws that hold your glasses together. All of this stuff is more useless than Pluto. And especially those screws. I mean think about it. We wear glasses, that itsy bitsy thing falls out, you have to find it and try to put it back. I WEAR GLASSES. I CAN'T SEE. MAKE IT BIGGER.

The linked article does explain the protocol they developed to assign planet-ness. If the object circles the sun, is round, and free of debris in it's orbit, it can be a planet.

Now I think about it, except for the debris part, I could be a planet.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good lord, woman. Why aren't you writing nationally?

You're hilarious. And better yet, you're looking into my head day after day.

Keep it up.

August 25, 2006 10:28 AM  

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