September 9, 2006


Osama bin Laden, Man or Gopher?

Ever seen the movie Caddyshack? While watching it for probably the 32nd time this summer, something occurred to me. The whole movie is precognitive metaphor for George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden.

Really - watch Bill Murray as the hapless groundskeeper futilely trying to capture the gopher by baiting him, stalking him, charging him and eventually just blowing up the entire golf course. And watch the gopher laugh and run away, every time. Like Bill, old W. just doesn't get it. He's dealing with what he can see - he's ignoring the fact that there is a whole other world he is too arrogant to understand while the lowly gopher uses it to run circles around him. It reminds me of that photo of the iceberg - yeah, it's a fake, but it's a cool illusion that describes what I mean.

Actually a couple of other news clips today make me think we're all going about this the wrong way. Forget the army. I nominate Susan Kuhnhausen to go get Osama. The Oregon woman recently strangled a man who broke into her home. With her bare hands. The 51-year-old emergency room nurse is 'good in a crisis', said a neighbour. You better believe it.

But I don't think Susan should have to go alone. I think she should get to take Doris Ozmun with her. She's busy tearing up an Oklahoma town where her husband just resigned as police chief after she published pictures of herself, naked, on a website. It's not her propensity for exhibitionism I think is such a valuable weapon, it's her husband's assessment of her:

"My wife is 6-foot-3 and weighs 300 pounds," said Ozmun, who became chief in January 2005. "If there is somebody that thinks they can control her, have at it. I have tried for 11 years and haven't been able to.''

Look out, Osama.

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