December 13, 2006

Alberta Hound

Everyone's friends until the old buzzard croaks.

In Alberta, we apparently have our own version of Anna Nicole Smith. ANS is that odd, odd woman who keeps appearing in the media, famous for being famous, and generally making a living by publicly screwing up her life. She was a peeler who managed to marry a guy who was older than Moses (seriously; he was about 97 when the 22-year-old ANS crouched down by his wheelchair, pushed his oxygen mask aside, and posed for their wedding photos. I may be making up those ages. But not the rest of it). Anyhow, somehow she has managed to get huge boobs, a reality show, and several drug habits while all the time sue, sue suing her dead husband's estate for her share of the millions. She is fighting his son, who himself is about 80. I say wait it out.

Being Canada, our version is tamer. From today's Globe & Mail comes the story of a widow left penniless, after living the good life for 22 years. The records show the life she lived, and why she is pursuing what is rightly hers now the geezer is gone. In true Canadian fashion, her description of their life together is a little less champagne-ish than Anna Nicole's; she speaks in a whisper, so we don't get jealous; that they had backyard BBQs with a pig on a spit. A WHOLE pig. Those Canadian millionaires really know how to spice up the story. My family, being rather plebish in comparison, usually only manage porkchops. I figure it will cut back on future lawsuits.

She of course if fighting the kids. They are duking it out over $40 million. She has sued in various countries, produced phoney stock certificates, been unable to prove a wedding she says took place, and probably can't even find the pig bones.

Twenty-two years? Lady, if you didn't get something legal in 22 years, you're stupid. Was he some kind of selfish bastard to cut you out of his will? Of course he was. But what kind of stupid idiot lets that happen?

She describes a life of trips and lavish gifts, and describes their extreme conjugation. She doesn't use the word 'extreme', but the desperation to prove they boffed regularly is clear. Hmmmm. Lots of sex, trips, gifts, trinkets, but no official status.

I'd call that something else.


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