December 24, 2006


Ho Ho Hopeless

I once thought that men had a shop-the-day-before-Christmas gene. That it wasn't their fault, their hard-wiring made it impossible for them to say, plan ahead. I have never peered under my tree and expected to find anything engraved.

Then as I watched a few lazy arse boyfriends reveal that it was actually a show of strength, that men did this the same way they lift more if someone is watching, I realized it was a passive aggressive power struggle: You can do all that sissy list crap, but I'll still just roll into the drug store late on the 24th and do just fine, thank you.

I'm back to the gene theory. Yesterday, we had some new appliances delivered. I don't know of a worse time of year for this, but my stove was officially pooched, and you can't cook a 24 pound turkey in a toaster. We knew there would be a little retrofitting for the stove, but as Brad has been here for 6 Christmases now, that meant he has 6 power tools at the ready. Surely we could tackle anything.

Or not. In theory, you tug out the old stove, sit in on the front lawn, and when the lads bring the new one you plug it in. Yeah, that would work if there was a plug. No plug. Needing an electrician two days before Christmas, I watched my life turning into a bad TV sitcom. But without the fat husband and hot wife combo.

One of the many upsides to Brad working in the trades, is that he knows others that do. Within a couple of phone calls, we had an electrician on his way over. I couldn't believe it. And he came in half an hour. I couldn't believe it. He had the parts on his truck. I couldn't believe it. And he was sweet and helpful and did a perfect job. I couldn't believe it. I could have wept with joy. I decided that was seasonal, so I did.

We were switching the fridge to the other side of the room, where my computer is located. Which meant all the phone and computer wires had to be moved as we transferred the computer 7 feet away. The cords are all in the basement. Ever notice when you NEED stuff, you get peeved at all the people in the store doing their Xmas shopping? I want to stand there and yell "Not buying fun stuff - let me through, cables and connectors are NOT stocking stuffers" like I have some special pass.

No special pass. Just long lines. The good news, is that after spending all of yesterday fitzing about with the stove, we hooked up the phone and computer again. It worked on the first go. Now, I don't know about you, but that's about as close to a Christmas miracle as I've ever had.

As we were buried in sawdust and tools, Jackson stuck his head in the kitchen. He asked if he could use some old towels. I asked what for. He wouldn't tell me. I said no. He finally explained that he wanted to use his Dremel in his bedroom. A Dremel is a little sanding tool for carving. And sending plumes of sawdust all over the room, and right into the ventilation system, which carries it throughout the house. Uhm, no, no Dremelling in the bedroom. Turns out he was starting his Christmas carving. Last night, he asked me if I'd like mine stained. I watched the relief slide across his face when I said no. Definitely genetic.

The appropriate things are now cold, and the appropriate ones will be hot. And I will be able to send and receive tidings of good joy, or troll notes from those who's mothers don't love them. Either way, I wish everyone a great Christmas - hug someone you love, and tolerate someone you don't.

And if you can't return it, don't worry - you can always make jokes about it.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yup. Another dull post. Why bother?

December 27, 2006 3:39 PM  

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