January 23, 2007

Giving Yourself a Raise...

If you were going to embezzle millions of dollars from your employer, I would think you would have to have a really good reason. Like some terminal illness you needed last-ditch treatment for, or some secret extra family in Utah.

Ever noticed that when they bust the lastest embezzler, it's always some mousy bookkeeper that nobody ever suspected? Even the neighbours always express surprise - because for some reason, they always seem to buy stuff and keep it in the closet. Here's a hint I learned a long time ago - if your bookkeeper never takes a holiday, and never has a sick day, they're probably ripping you off. They're terrified that their unscrupulous doings will be discovered in their absence. Another reason to have a series of checks and balances in place - like more than one set of eyes on invoices and cheques.

Anyway, today I came across a fabulous exception in the genre - a bookkeeper turned embezzler who actually spent the dough in a truly fabulous way. The 43-year-old Boston woman bought a ranch, and had half a dozen talking trees on it. Like from the Wizard of Oz. Show horses. A life-sized statue of Al Capone. A 9 foot stuffed bear. A 20 foot tall smoke-emitting dragon called The Slayer.

Read the link. There's a full list of things, with an entire fleet of cars. It's a scream. THIS is how you spend money that doesn't belong to you. THIS is a perfect defense for embezzling - "Hey, look at what I bought! I'm nuts!"


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