March 14, 2007

Compute This

Well, this had to happen sooner or later. The CBC reports an American Institute of Health has created a computer model that will make life-and-death decisions in the event you go into a coma, or are otherwise unable to tell doctors what to do with your sorry self.

You fill out ahead of time a questionnaire, that asks you to decide how to handle a whole roster of conceivable situations you might find yourself in. Like when you fill out your donor card, and can tick 'eyes', 'kidneys' and 'don't worry about the liver, it's shot'. This program asks you what level of coma you would preferred to be surrendered to, and what superhuman efforts you would like taken on your behalf.

I'm not sure that this will ever work for its intended purpose. There's always some wailing mother (probably me) at the bedside, certain the patient will recover regardless of a 7 year coma. It's hard to take down the wailers.

However, I see a better application for this thing. I want one for my everyday life. During a calm and rational moment (they only happen one at a time) I would like to program my calm and rational decisions for a whole bunch of scenarios. "Would you like to cut your hair short and dye it black?" "Do you think your legs are still good enough for a mini, age be damned?" "Would a sit down dinner for 20 be something you should ever do?".

I could fill in endless reams of questions, then every time I'm faced with a question, I could pull up what the rational me already decided. I could take the guesswork out of being me. I could stretch that sane moment across all the crazy moments where I seem to spend most of my time. Just think; I'd never have to hear "oh, Lorraine" from my loved ones ever again.

After all, you don't have to be in a coma to be unable to make the right choice. Look at all the women around you in miniskirts....


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh! My laugh for the day!

March 15, 2007 9:34 AM  

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