April 2, 2007

We Are Family

In today's round-up of Loons, there's this article in the NYT about nutters who are using DNA to chase down extended family members. No, make that very distant family members, and sometimes dead family members.

I hope it's just the people they happened to interview (though I doubt it) but it appears that basically, women in their 50's and 60's are staking out McDonalds and hunting down strangers to try to hijack a piece of their DNA. They are obsessed with figuring out their family geneology. Now I know who's falling for those annoying pop-ups that are just as prevalent as potions to make your penis bigger. Ever wonder what a visitor to this planet would think if they saw the proliferation of ads on our computer screens? Bigger boobs, bigger penii, getting a date, then tracing yourself back to the Vikings.

There's a reason people usually just hand down an oral history ("and then yer great Aunt Brenda came over from Ireland and met yer Uncle Bob....") - 'cause it's mostly nonsense. Family lines have so many off ramps and on ramps it'd make your head spin. The stories are the purist thing about the lineage - the blood sure isn't.

This story creeped me out. Pulling hair from dead people, pestering strangers to hand over a cheek swab - get out of my face. Literally. This is a tango - you both have to want to dance to make it work.

I blame all these stupid shows on TV that have police labs handing over results in 20 minutes. The body isn't cold, and the comely detective is in her lab (yeah, like detectives hunch over a microscope much) discovering the killer had a rare disease carried by only 0.0002% of the population - and it's a match for the receptionist downstairs!

Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong. Maybe I'm cranky because no one is trying to prove they are related to me.


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