March 3, 2008

Riches to Rags to Riches

As Conrad Black trundles off to jail today, I'll admit to giving some thought as to what this once world-at-his-feet kinda guy is going to do when confined to a wee space - and confined with others a tad less refined than himself at that, I would imagine.

I'm figuring a lot of reading, and a lot of writing, and a lot of unleashing of yet more ridiculous words that have been best left unsaid for a reason. I'm sure the food will muck with his system, though personally, I could probably live on macaroni and cheese until my arse exploded. Me 'n starch, a happy duo.

Well, during my journalistic meanderings today, I found the best.convict.ever. Seriously. Jonathon Lee Riches is pent up in South Carolina on an 8-year fraud sentence, but this lad hasn't let the grass grow under his feet for even a second. If Conrad wants a break from exhaustive pontificating, he needs to take a lesson from this guy in exhaustive suing.

Riches is beyond prolific. He has sued the Unabomber. He has sued Kiera Knightly. He has sued (get this) the White House phone number. And while my favourite is his suing of George Orwell, he saves the best for the sports guys.

He is suing LeBron James for putting bubblegum on his bicyle seat. And for breaking into the Watergate Hotel in the '70s. He is suing Jeff Gordon (the NASCAR driver) for dropping Tic Tacs on the race track through a secret trap door, and for being related to Flash Gordon. (Okay, that seems nearly reasonable.)

He is suing Mike Brady and Mike Tyson, the Williams sisters and George Steinbrenner. Read what he's suing them for, and the settlements he's seeking. I was squeaking with laughter.

Just when you think you have to make up characters, along comes one that just writes himself.

Now, picture this guy sharing a bunk with Conrad.

On edit: Okay, I'm never going to get any work done. Read more stuff here. And I know, I know, my mother always told me not to give attention to kids behaving badly, but these days, who can tell the difference between some of the people in our news and this guy?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lee sounds like a model PIA.I'm betting he's 5150 case, California police slang for escaped mental patient. Old Conrod Block will have that prison stealing the warden blind before the month is up. Warden wil be signing non compete contracts for outsourcing prison cutlery and towels. Monthly seminars on alternative financing systems, Just what we need, a bunch of criminals educated by a master white collar fat cat.

March 03, 2008 3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really suspect Conrad Black to have the Harold Ballard treatment while locked up, golf everyday on a private course, steak, coloured tv, the life of Riley and all extras to go with it. I doubt if he comes out of there alive, just a hunch. Hell of a way to spend your last years of your life on this planet BUT he was the Master of his own demise. Me Lord, greed killed you.

March 05, 2008 5:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Someone will be calling him Connie before the end of the week.

March 05, 2008 12:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh yeah, for sure. Bubba will have a new playmate, shower anyone? Pick up that bar of soap, Connie...

March 05, 2008 4:09 PM  

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