August 9, 2008

I Heart Kwame

Unbelievable. John Edwards has made me love Kwame Kilpatrick.

Kilpatrick is Detroit's trash- talking, custom-suit wearing 38-year-old wunderkind mayor. Elected on a platform of radical take-back-Detroit rhetoric that would make me use the word "gansta" (like that doesn't make me look like a ridiculous suburban mother of two) if I knew how to use it correctly. Which I'm sure I don't. But this rappin' pimped out Mayor of the People was considered a wave of change. Finally, a policitican who really was of the people, for the people, and by the people.

Well. The lad is sitting in jail. He (ab)used his power like any regular old political bully, lied about an - gasp - extramarital affair with a married aide, and continued to lie on the stand even when text messages (lord, how I've missed the current electronic revolution) proved him to be lying. That would be called perjury, Kwame. Get out your calculators as the charges add up faster than an a la carte menu.

Today comes news that he's also being charged with assaulting 2 police officers - a felony - who were trying to serve some friend of his with a subpoena. To rat him out. For anyone keeping score, that's a total of ten felony charges now.

And still, he won't surrender his office. He refuses. Perjury, assault, yup, my kind of guy. I'm not sure if this guy is a dumb as a bag of rocks - scratch that. It's the voters who really need to be inspected. Think I'm underplaying this? Read this link. It's the guy's Myspace page - read his interests. 'Cherry red Lincoln Navigators, strippers, closing down historical attractions, all-night bashes at the crib'.

Seriously. Two term mayor of one of the largest cities in the U.S. And one suffering one of the greatest financial meltdowns. And he likes strippers. And he doesn't read books.

And yet, I like him more than John Edwards now. Go figure.

You remember John Edwards. He didn't make it to the ring with Hillary and Barack. I liked his issues, I loved his wife, and I was willing to look past the fact that his hair looked like that. I mean, even he brought up the Ken doll reference - and Ken's hair is painted on. Anyway, unless you've on a dock with no internet (in which case I'm jealous) you will know he has finally verified that the National Enquirer is indeed the Paper of Record - he was boffing a campaign worker (or documentary maker, or whatever - some twit) who went on the record saying that "John Edwards is so willing to try new things - that's why I love him". Ah, live that down.

See, after the OJ Simpson stuff, the Enquirer proved right over and over. Whether they paid for info or not, they got to the truth long before any 'respected' paper did. And since most newspapers today do little more than tramp over the ground formerly reserved for trash tabloids anyway, I'm surprised anyone even bothers to give them the sniff test. They were right. Edwards finally owned up.

And then the spin started. His wife, who knows about the affair, was in remission. Which means that even though she now has an incurable cancer, and she once had a somewhat curable cancer, this affair was in the middle of all that, so it was more okay or less worse, depending on your view of cancer. Or sex. Or cads.

And that Inconvenient Infant the Enquirer has snaps of him visiting? It's not his. See, the timing is all wrong. It's not in the timing he admitted to his wife, which means it can't be his kid. That timing might have meant he was playing hide the hotdog with the mistress while he knew his wife was sick - and that would be unseemly. No, some poor sucker who works for him has stepped up to the plate to take the fall for the impregnation - some poor young married sucker who doesn't understand that rats are supposed to flee the ship, not stick around and pretend they're in the band.

But picture this unlikely scenario: The Boss is boffing the Documentarian. He decides not to anymore, but she sticks around. And the now some flunky of the Boss decides it's his turn.


Here's the thing: I don't give a rat's arse who's doing who. Couldn't care less. But if you choose to run for office, you will expose your family as well as yourself to all of this crap. So either be so clean you squeak, or throw all your junk on the table at the get-go. I've always really admired Elizabeth Edwards. She is smart, articulate and very savvy. So, if she knew about her husband's affair two years ago, why would she push him to proceed, knowing this secret would blow apart the Democrats chances if her husband had indeed been selected to run, as either President or Vice President?

Yeah, unbelievable, but I'll take Kwame and his shockingly ridiculous Myspace page over John Edwards. The bar is low enough for Kwame to step over. John is just stuck staring heavenward, wondering how he can reach a standard he can't even see anymore.

Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be politicians.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do you tell when a politician is lying? When his lips move.
Also love this one by Max Beerbhom.
"Hello," he lied.

August 09, 2008 12:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Politicans. Can anyone say scum? Well most are. Sorry to offend any good ones, which I count on one hand. And to think we elect them to govern and spend our money. Something is wrong with this picture.

Lorraine. You are so right. Come clean from the get go and be done with it. Paper trails are deadly at any stage of the game.

August 09, 2008 3:32 PM  

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