August 1, 2008

While The Cat Is Away, The Webgod Will Play...

Someone said she was "wired for blogging". That was a week ago. I had my doubts about that from the get go, wireless Internet is a finicky kitten. Lorraine asked if I would guest blog while she was away and although I originally declined, I grew tired of waiting for 'Ms. Free Trip in a RV' to post something. I figured if I was, then you probably were too. So here I am.

Lorraine and I had once talked about creating Letterman-ish Top Ten Lists about each other in the style of '10 Things You Didn't Know About..." and then posting them here. Seemed like a funny idea at the time, but after I thought about it I realized I couldn't come up with 10 things. So without further ado I give you...

Top 4 Things You Did Not Know About Lorraine Sommerfeld

  1. When she answers the door, she DOES NOT look like her picture above. Sultry, smiley, 'look at my hot red leather' girl is nowhere to be found and has been replaced by ponytail, baggy sweat shirt, 'look at my fuzzy slippers' woman. Who am I kidding, she doesn't even answer the door for me anymore, she just screams at me to come in.
  2. Has leopard skin carpeting on the stairs and claims she likes it.
  3. She uses her mouse upside down. The buttons are at the bottom. Up is down, down is up. It's a mess. Then she wonders why she has so many computer problems. No word of a lie, every time I sit down at her computer (to fix something) and that mouse is upside down, I want to rip it out and throw it at her.
  4. Once, while we were having lunch at a local establishment, she overheard a waitress talking about a customer who had skipped out on a bill. Knowing that the waitress would probably have to cover it out of her paycheque, she tipped her the total of the unpaid bill. Class act. (Note to self: Lorraine has money to burn - increase my fee)
That's it for me. Hope this holds you over until the real blogger gets back!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great blog Jeff. Lorraine sounds like the lady I envisioned from all of her columns & postings. She is one of the highlights of my day - making me laugh, cry & think more about "stuff". Thanks for keeping her online. Sandie (the Avon lady)

August 01, 2008 9:05 AM  
Blogger aka Joe said...

Hmmm, no sultry, smiley look? Shame. I first saw Lorraine on CH Live@530 and found her opinions, down to earth sensibilities and obvious sexiness very appealing. I've been reading her site ever since. Poor Sod should count his blessings.

August 01, 2008 9:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well the important thing is she still has her down to earth sensibilities. I'm not saying she's not sexy, I'm just saying she doesn't look like her picture. I find her very attractive when she writes me a cheque.

August 01, 2008 10:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too funny.....can't wait to hear about the things we don't really know about you. (Grins) after all give as good as you get!

August 01, 2008 1:57 PM  
Blogger DJW said...


Is she an author?
Writers write columns and blogs, but authors write books!


August 01, 2008 2:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous: Since I'm not the one with the blog there's lots about me that is unknown. She could write pretty much anything.

DJ: Then, to answer your question, no she isn't.

August 01, 2008 4:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, the mouse-upside-down thing confounds me, also. Though I think that Lorraine is a gorgeous hunk of womanhood, it's her brain that is truly sexy. (Can you tell that a woman is writing this?) It's sharp, quick and balanced—always has been. (I've known her since she was 12.) As for the ponytail, baggy pants (usually belonging to one of the men in her life)...It doesn't really matter what she puts on that long, lean body of hers. She always looks great!

August 03, 2008 11:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot. Gee, Jeff, didn't know you were a decent writer. Truly enjoyed your blog!

August 03, 2008 11:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As her much younger sister that shared a bedroom with her for many years, I could tell you many more than ten things you don't know about Rainey....but not today...thanks for filling in Jeff...I have tried to teach her for many years how to hold a mouse...I think it is a reflection of her personality!

August 03, 2008 1:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not a writer. It took me a long time to come with that little bit. And then even longer not to use profanity.

August 03, 2008 3:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well done Jeff...I am not surprised at Lorraine picking up the bill for the creep who slipped out without paying. It is Lorraine. A sexy, gorgeous woman. Under all that sexiness (I bet she still looks sexy in sweats, she has that appeal) is a very kind, the bark worse than the bit woman, with a heart of gold and very gifted at her craft. Don't piss her off though. She can hold her own in any rebuttal. It is a treat to know her through this contraption. We have had some real good gabs about odds and ends about life in general on her site and I hope it continues. A free trip in an a RV eh? Grab a copy of National Lampoons Christmas Vacation and invision Lorraine in that rig. Gotta snicker.
And at the drive through. "Can I take your order please", and she never misses it. There goes the home cooked meals when they return. Old habits are hard to beat.


August 04, 2008 8:21 AM  

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