October 30, 2008

Like Cyber Toilet Paper on Your Shoe

Here. Waste some time, laugh a little, or just shudder...

Quotes you just know some people wish they could leave behind...

Motorcycle Mama - redux

Not this Saturday, next...space constraints!

David Frost

The trial of sick bastard David Frost is underway in Napanee, Ontario.

It's a tangled, sordid mess, actually, and if it could only be about getting to the bottom of this souless, weak pervert, so much the better. Oh wait. I think I'm supposed to use the word 'allegedly' throughout this volley.

But it's not only about Frost. From the beginning of the end, when Mike Danton (nee Jefferson), a former NHLer ended up serving 7 years in a U.S. prison for plotting to kill his former coach, Frost, this has become a vortex that has claimed way too many victims. Rosie DiManno is covering the trial for the Star, and Christie Blatchford is doing duty for the G&M. With some Svengali-like control, Frost, as coach of the Quinte Hawks circa 1996, bullied and coached his young players both on and off the ice.

16-year-old kids. Let's not forget that part. The current trial is dealing with the charges of sexual exploitation regarding his young players. In a nutshell, this creep is charged with, for a period of 6 years, participating in the sex lives - indeed, entire lives - of his players and their girlfriends. Threesomes, foursomes, sexual free-for-alls, all with this pig in the midst, controlling the kids and deciding who got to do what, and to whom. To make the charges stick, the crown had to agree that the girls - 16-year-old girls - were in no way victims in this. They are now sitting in a witness box, unprotected once again, having their sex lives displayed in the public forum.

It's gross. And today in the Star, there was the first expected letter from a reader yelling that this isn't proper fare for a newspaper to be publishing. It upset her breakfast.

You know what? Follow this trial and send the columns I linked - and the backstory - to every teenage girl you know. Girls can be dumb, and make really, really stupid life-altering mistakes all in the pursuit of a boy. Usually, however, that boy isn't having his strings pulled by an alleged pervert. Far from blaming the girls - my, how handy is that? - we should be thanking them for having the spine to sit there and take all the crap that's raining down on them right now. They were used, horribly. I'm appalled by the actions of these boys (come on parents, start reinforcing the idea that your sons should respect women, and start it young) but these children were all horribly scarred by Frost. Allegedly. Just ask Danton.

Not your kids, you say? Couldn't happen? Bull. But less likely to happen if you barge into your kids lives and wonder why they're hanging out in motel rooms. Or be more careful in sending them away to live in hotel rooms, with some creep who has usurped your parental powers.

October 27, 2008

Motorcycle Mama

Thanks for the notes from everyone on my motorcycle mission.

This Saturday, the Star will have the feature and column on my escapades...more then!

Some questions about the motorcycle stuff have come into Blame it On Lorraine - I'm not ignoring you, we'll chat on Saturday when the stuff is posted.

Going to Guns, Mav...

Oh, remember that other Maverick? Hard to believe Tom Cruise is preferable to the current self-described user of that name. Actually, reports today reveal (with stunning 'no-duh-ness') that Palin is going all roguey on the McCain campaign. Little lady doesn't like to lose. Hell, she doesn't even give wildlife a fighting chance. Why do I think one of the first things she's gonna do with that shiny new passport is head to a 'safari' in Africa, where they pen up lots of exotic beasts, hand rich morons a Jeep and a gun, and tell them to go find a trophy? Hell, she's probably just going to lean over one day and pop McCain one and hang his head on her wall. I think this woman misnamed herself as a pitbull. She's all rattlesnake, that one.

I have a gun problem. Well, we all have a gun problem, but here's mine.

I get the hunting thing. I grew up with a father who had rifles. He'd go up north during pheasant season and bring home little stupid birds my mother was supposed to cook. He was raised on a farm - you ate what you killed, and you protected your herd.

Somehow that has been extrapolated to handguns on our streets, where you just kill what you hit, and you protect your car. Or your reputation. Or your drugs. Whatever. It's all lost something in the translation, and somebody somewhere had better explain to me damned fast why anyone needs a handgun for any reason other than to kill a human.

Automatic and semi-automatic weapons? Same thing. Are you kidding? Read this - and 8- year- old kid killed with a semi in Massachusettes. At a gun show. Ferchristsakes, an 8- year- old firing a semi automatic - with a certified instructor with him in the shooting range.

Am I missing something? Freaking 8? The whole idea of 'gun show' is repulsive enough. Not 'hunting and sportsman show', not 'outdoors show', not 'he-man, wear-your-camo, traipse-around-the-woods-throwing-beer-cans show' - no, Gun Show. Why doll it up? There's enough fire power in the U.S. in private hands to kill everyone who lives there several times over. And apparently, it's never too soon to let little Billy blow his own head off. That'll teach him.

I read that Quebec has launched an ad campaign to boost (defend?) its hunting associations. Stuff like 'moose - the other red meat' and 'squirrel - it's what's for dinner' or some such thing. I get the whole rural thing, and I don't take huge issue with it. How could I? But I do think the budget for the program - $150,000 - won't make much of a dent.

They should have spent it on a new wardrobe for some hot chick who was feeling all mavericky....

October 23, 2008

CH Live@5:30 Thursday

It's awesome when young athletes doff their uniforms to pose for nekkid calendars. Right?

Uhm, no, I don't think so. Wrong message, bad example.

October 20, 2008

David Sedaris & The Undecideds

How calling the Democrats 'chicken' is a good thing...

Read the New Yorker piece here.

Do Not Bend, Fold or Mutilate

I have spent the weekend learning to ride a motorcycle.

My body has been bent, folded and well-mutilated, as the instructors chose it ignore the stickers I plastered all over my (borrowed) leather jacket like the precious cargo I once believed myself to be.


The good news? I did it. I survived. Not with any impressive style, not with any blistering speed, and certainly not with any dose of precision, but I did it, and have mastered the basics.

Everything hurts, including the little part over my ears where my sunglasses got pushed into my head by the helmet. The little nubs dug right in for two entire days. It's like falling asleep with your glasses on, but worse.

Full details will be divulged in a November 1st feature, so anyone holding their breath for the dirt will have to wait. Unless you know me well enough to have my number, than I don't mind staggering over to the phone and answering it.

For now, I'm catching up on writing and reading. If you're bored, and don't mind a little profanity, check out this site. The Foggy Monocle - strictly a frat boy existance chronicled for those of us looking in, but it's sometimes hilarious. Not that drinking too much and texting is ever a good thing, but who knew you could make a whole site out of it??

October 17, 2008

Dennis Quaid & Ellen Degeneres

Okay, this had me laughing out loud in the kitchen today.

Ellen had Dennis Quaid go into a coffee shop with a hidden camera on him, and through an earpiece she told him what to say. Betcha think she just had him order some fruitcake tall/short/half-caf/frothy crappacino, right?

Wrong. This is hilarious.

October 16, 2008

Maddow Band Wagon

While I don't pay enough to get her show in my TV, I make sure to catch Rachel Maddow the next morning.

She's the newest sensation on the sensational stage, and I love her. Who is she? From her website:

"Rachel has a doctorate in political science (she was a Rhodes Scholar) and a background in HIV/AIDS activism and prison reform. She shakes a mean cocktail, drives a bright red pickup, hates Coldplay, loves arguing with conservatives, spends a lot of money on AMTRAK tickets, and dresses like a first-grader."

She's smart; she's funny; she's a classy host with a knack of staying on topic, regardless of the garbage flying around her head. While you can youtube most of her stuff, here's one that particularly stood out from a few days ago. David Frum was one of Bush's speech writers (axis of evil, anyone? anyone?), and he carried his smug, nasty rhetoric onto her show. Forget what you've heard about Canadians being polite - the bullies sure don't like it when they get called out.

Oh, to Frum? Maybe if news and politics was as smart and engaging as Maddow makes it, more people would tune in and actually learn something.

October 11, 2008

Rolls Royce Phantom

Feature is in today's paper...read it here.

I'll post more pics in my 'Adventures' section when I get off my arse and catch up (Webgod Jeff is still drumming his fingers, waiting for the RV trip pics...)

October 10, 2008

It Used To Be Spelled 'Paling', But She Dropped The 'G' On That Too....

I'm sure this will come out all wrong and I'll piss off someone or offend somebody else. But something finally crystalized for me this morning while talking with a fellow American political junkie.

No deaf Americans will vote for Sarah Palin.

How do I know this? We were talking about the VP debate, which I caught in San Francisco. In the bathroom. On a TV that I didn't really know how to use, and so had to have the closed captioning on the whole time, because I couldn't figure out how to get rid of it.

And it was through reading the CC that I realized just how stupid this woman is as a speaker. If my only method of learning what she had to say was through CC, I would think someone was playing a prank. Truly. Not only has she destroyed the syntax and grammar our children fight to learn, like a Magic 8 ball, she really only has 4 answers, and she waits for the appropriate break in the conversation to watch one of them loom into view. And she doesn't listen - she waits to talk. Bad trait, that. For anyone, but especially a politican who should be able to spin on a dime and handle anything from any direction - with an answer that fits the damned question. "I'm not gonna answer that question. I'm gonna answer a different one..." Really? Really?????? What kind of petulant, rude brat says that in a Vice Presidential debate?

Furthermore (you knew there would be a furthermore), if I was watching and reading my TV and couldn't hear her, when she winked and flirted with me, I would throw a banana at the TV. Surely this cutesy-pie crap doesn't play. Surely winking has to be the most inappropriate thing a politician can do. Surely women have fought long and hard to NOT be that winking, flirting coquette. I feel like in the midst of a huge country falling to pieces, its citizens are being asked to choose a Prom Queen.

I'm sick of politicians pulling that swill that they're just like us. I don't care that you're different - just don't lie about it. When Stephen Harper hauls out his mother's status to explain that he is worried about the stock market, the only thing I can think is "well, at least he's uniformly cold - he'll let his own mother suffer in her retirement, too".

Let's be blunt: Don't tell people who are terminally ill you know how it feels to have no medical coverage, unless you have been terminally ill with no medical coverage.

Don't tell someone who has been out of work for years you know how they feel, unless you've been out of work and lost your home and fear for your future.

Don't pretend you know an immigrant's struggles unless you got here and had the same uphill battle.

Don't tell me you appreciate that post-secondary education is too expensive for many families, unless your own kids are struggling to get through knowing they can't afford not to have an education they also can't afford to get.

Don't tell the parent of a special needs kid you can imagine their life, because unless you have a marginalized, dropped-through-the-cracks kid, you have no clue.

I detest all this folksy, I-feel-your-pain campaigning, because it is a lie. What do I ask of a politician? Be aware of these struggles. Commit to listening to people who actually live these difficulties, but don't pretend you wear their mantle.

I don't begrudge anyone a comfortable life, and quite frankly, I have no trouble with someone who does not live in difficulty speaking for those who do, as long as they speak with them first. Is that not the role of a politican?

Now, back to our regularly scheduled wink-wink nudge-nudge campaign running south of the border, and the Sweater Vest Elite up here.

October 8, 2008

Car Shopping?

I know, probably not. But I laughed myself stupid over Clarkson's take on the Sebring...read it here.

Oh, to be so honest and still get begged to drive something every week...cue envy.

Do Not Call

Here's the link to get off telemarketers lists.

It doesn't get rid of the American ones - could Macy's and the U.S. credit card places give it a rest already, please??? - but within a month or so it is supposed to weed out the usual junk that keeps interrupting dinner.

It also doesn't get rid of the political calls, but that's actually okay right now. I want the Conservatives to call back so we can have a discussion on why Stephen Harper has been so secretive since he took office. Apparently he's been busy building a magical boat.

Got two dinosaurs on that boat too, Steve?

October 6, 2008

She Can See Us From Her Front Porch

Home from the Left Coast, had a magnificent time in a magnificent car. Managed to catch some of the live VP debate in the bathroom while trying to put on mascara - the problem was, every time that twit Palin said 'maverick', I blinked, and therefore made a hell of a mess. Shouldn't the word be meted out in the spirit of its meaning? Like, something rare, or special, or, or, or....forget it. It was tough enough following her double dutch method of speaking without getting all upset over her pronunciation of a word that didn't end with a 'g'. Or in her case, an 'n'...Somebody should remind her she's running for high political office, not a role in a high school play. Wink, wink.

As always, interesting conversations were had with journalists from other places. A lovely man from Atlanta wanted the real scoop on Canada - he's watching his country in a freefall, as are most, and is increasingly curious about how we're run. Unfortunately, I had to confirm most of what he'd heard about Harper - yes, he'd heard about Harper, wanted to know if he was really Dubya Lite - I said we think so, but as he's running a campaign based on top secret information it's kinda hard to know. I mentioned that Layton wants to make having children a profit enterprise, and that Dion has made the political misstep of actually acknowledging that the world is an environmental disaster. Doesn't he know we can't handle the truth? We want lies, dammit, until you get into office and then we can drop our jaws and pretend we never knew.

For the record? If you help hand Harper a majority government, I hope you're richer than Midas so you can weather the coming decisions he's gonna make. And I don't mean "hope you will one day be rich, and hope to benefit from his decisions", I mean already there. Liquid there.

This is an administration incubated in the Reform Party, hatched in the Alliance and with a new name tag sloppily pasted over it calling it Progressive Conservative. Many, many original Tories are spinning in their graves at this cruel new deliverance.