February 19, 2009

Totally Unsubstantiated Reporting

From me. Here's my rant for a cold February morning.

I am peeved at companies that think I'm stupid. I had to buy some frozen veggies for a recipe (hold your applause) the other day, and when I reached for the bag, I thought, "gee, that's lighter. Must be the mini bag size." Nope. The Green Giant bag of mixed veggies was 750 grams. It used to be 1000, or something close to it. And it was 3 bucks - same as before, unless I got them on sale for 2. Instead of jacking the price, they downsized the package. Do they think we're dumb?

The same thing happened about 5 years ago with toothpaste. Procter & Gamble started making Crest in 75ml tubes. They had been 100ml. They left the price the same, then started upping it. Of course, most of the rest of the market followed suit, and now toothpaste is in 75ml tubes, or jumbo ones that cost about $5. It's little sleight-of-hand things like this that make me fume. P&G does it a lot - shampoo 'on sale', till you get there and it's the micro size - how many times do supermarkets have to go put back the regular sized ones when customers realize they're getting jacked at the check-out? "Oh, sorry, these aren't on sale, it's only those Barbie sized ones that we don't carry unless there is a skanky promotion going on". Or, as is usually the case, I don't catch it (I shop big) until it's too late, and I just keep them, and notch up my hate-metre for the manufacturer.

Okay, I'm on a roll. Another joke? "Serves 4". Need I elaborate? Maybe the same 4 who only need 75ml of toothpaste and 150ml of shampoo....We're hardly over-eaters, but unless two of the four are under 6, and one of them is a 2-year-old who only eats crackers, these do not serve 4.

Flipside, packages of pasta that force you to only leave a little in the box so as not to waste it. I end up with this little scrag end in different boxes, until I finally make a meal that ends up having 6 kinds of different pasta in it. The kids ask if I have a headache.


Why, if I donate annually to a charity, do they start inundating me every month? Quickest way to make me never, ever give to you again is to decide I want, or can afford, to give to you every month. And when I see how you're wasting my original donation on mailing costs to piss people off, I wonder how long before the Star does an investigative report to discover 5 cents of every dollar actually helps kids with rickets, or whatever.

Dear Rogers/Cogeco/Bell/Fido/Telus/Every Other Phone & Cable Company: Stop ripping me off. Quit sneaking crap onto my bill without me noticing. Stop forcing me to call and listen to all your recorded garbage ("press 6 if you'd like to reach through your phone and rip my dulcet-toned face off") to find out why there are little lines on my TV or crackles on my phone. You know, and I know, and you know that I know, that if I simply call and threaten to leave you'll give me more minutes, a better plan, a new phone and your first born child. Oh, and Cogeco? Your 'On Demand' movies are terrible. If you can't feature great new movies, at least have the decency to feature great old ones.

Same with mortgages. Stop making me threaten to leave your bank - give me the same deal you gave Mr. Poopdon'tstink ten minutes ago. Trust me - his credit rating is no longer much better than mine, and if I have to figure out a whole new telebanking network, I may just blow a gasket.

People at ATMs. When there is a lineup behind you, it is not the time to use the machine to perform a leveraged buy-out. As for updating passbooks - they still have passbooks?

I don't need 3 phone books. Bell and The Others - please get your sh*t together, save thousands of trees, and quit giving me phone books. I look up about two numbers a year. You're killing the planet. Ditto for Sears - I don't have a Sear account, I am not a Sears customer. Stop giving me catalogues. You are killing the planet too - but glossy.

Canadian Tire Money. Okay, this is a sacred Canadian cow, and I know it. But I'm sick of the little bundle in my junk drawer. And the stray ten cents-es in my glove box, my purse, my coat pockets, the garage, the basement and the corkboard at the cottage. I try to remember to just put them into the bin at your stores (how stupid is that?), but, and it's a big but, ever tried to return something without your fricking Magic Dollars? They count it like real money. Which would be fine if I could use these Magic Dollars, say, to buy wine, but nope. So, to recap: If I return something to your store and don't have my Canadian Tire money that you gave me -which I didn't want - you will take away my real money to make up for it. And if I later find my Canadian Tire money, I can't use it to buy wine.

The CLR lady on TV needs to go away. Now.

The Milk Calendar is the wrong shape this year, so I'm not using it. Don't change things that work. It's annoying.

The traffic lights in Burlington are so boggled and unsynchronized it is a total waste of time and gas. Whoever is in charge, wake up. Change things that don't work. It's annoying.

Well. Guess who woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.


Blogger DJW said...

I thought I saw a dark cloud over the lake this morning.


February 19, 2009 12:57 PM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

You're hilarious. Great post. And you know that if I actually take the time to tell you, I must have really enjoyed it. This post is the reason why I made your blog.

February 19, 2009 12:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Someone definitely needs a Happy Meal!

February 19, 2009 1:22 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

The fact this is the first post that Webgod Jeff has liked in THREE years tells you everything you need to know about Webgod Jeff...

February 19, 2009 1:28 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

OK, Lorraine... what was your Malcolm Gladwell moment? Mine was attending an early morning meeting when the refreshments were warm apple juice and pre-packaged hot chocolate. Not even ersatz-brew-in-your-Motel 6-room coffee. Nary real caffeine. Call a "breakfast" meeting and then this? And you want me to be productive? To contribute? Give me a break...

February 19, 2009 1:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YES!!! Did I miss the toilet tissues? Now they are a great buy also, if you have an ass the size of an infant. Half the size and the same price, but gone in half the time...Glad I never knocked on your door to sell a subscription to WatchTower this day...

Lorraine...You can get pissy some days, can't you? Love it!!! You nailed every corner.


February 20, 2009 7:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

loved it! Nice to know I am not the only one who gets peeved with the Canadian Tire money. Just drop the price and keep the paper!


February 20, 2009 9:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You hit a lot of nails on the head with that post. Keep up the good work. Maybe someone will get a dose of common sense, but I would not hold my breath. Hope you feel better after writing it - I felt better after reading it!

February 21, 2009 7:33 PM  

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