March 6, 2009

Corn The Second

See below for Part One.

Ever been cajoled into a blind date with the promise that she has a great personality? That would be Fiz. She looks like her name - all red squiggly hair and electric eye shadow, she has a heart of gold and teeth in different time zones. She speaks as if she has a mouthful of marbles, but you have to love her. She tries to take care of her little brother Chesney, the smartest person on the show, and his dog Shmichael. We are talking a Great Dane. In row houses 4 feet wide.

Actually, in the opening credits, Coronation Street looks like a Lego village. They don't show all the kee-bab wrappers that are probably blowing around. And everyone has nice cars, though in real life they would actually drive Mr. Bean cars. Actually, they would not drive cars, because they do not need to go anywhere. It is steps from each house, to the 4 restaurants, the 3 shops and the Rovers pub. They could even wear their slippers. Do not believe everything you see on TV.

They've introduced a new character lately, Becky. I remember her name because she wears a necklace with 'Becky' on it. She's the kind of girl who could sleep with the same guy for 300 consecutive nights, and still know in her heart she's just had 300 one night stands. She wears earrings as big as hula hoops, drinks straight from the bottle, has sex and asks questions later, and would flirt with a postbox. Gotta love Becky.

We just had one girl take off from the show, and I don't know if she's coming back. Her name is Violet, and she had a baby with the gay guy Sean. No, only because they were best friends - so they spent a few episodes running around with a turkey baster, then she ran away with this other guy and broke Sean's gay heart. I only remember her name at all because my mother's name was Iris. She told me she knew three sisters who were named Ivy, Violet and Daisy (or something botanical like that). The Brits are famous for flower names. Apparently, the first thing my grandmother saw after waking up after having my Mom was a bouquet of irises. My mother didn't like her name, but as she used to say, 'thank god they hadn't sent daffodils'.

It can be tough to sort out all the generations on this show. Because it's been on for so long, everyone is related somehow, or at least slept with each other at some point. Dreary Deidre has a daughter who is in jail for murdering a guy I quite liked. Her name is Tracy, and 3 different actresses have played the role. We had to go through months of Dreary moaning and sobbing over poor Tracy going to jail - which is totally where she belonged - nasty piece of work that one, she tried to use Brat David as an alibi by pretending to like him. He fell for her older woman charms, and ultimately ended up throwing his mother down the stairs. See what happens?

After the Tracy Murder saga, she evaporated from the show. Dreary doesn't even visit her in jail, though that's probably because she wouldn't recognize who was playing Tracy this week if she did. Tracy left behind a daughter she had with the horny pub owner Liz's son, Steve. Their daughter looks like a perfect little monkey. And I don't mean like 'oh, cheeky monkey!'. I mean, the kid looks like a monkey with pigtails.

Bonus points for most annoying character must go to Norris. He's this fussy old man who runs the variety store and hates all teenagers. His best friend is Rita, who has this impossible hair style. It's like all the older women know they better work the hair, because all the younger women are working their cleavage. Poor Liz tries to work both and it just scares me. Anyway, Rita and Norris are *obviously* just platonic friends, but at that age, they might just as well get married. I've heard old men are in such short supply they can have their pick - but poor Norris still can't get any.

I rather like the character of Eileen. She's rather dumpy and frumpy and she once tried to kidnap a baby, but all things considered, she one of the more stable people on the show.

The writers single out a couple of characters to make the story line around for weeks at a time. It can be really annoying, though I guess that's why it's a soap. Whoever is the Star du Jour gets to pull all these agonizing faces and overact all over the place, trying to wrestle the British Soap Award (or whatever they're called) from someone on Eastenders. I believe that is another soap opera.

The thing is, half way through the secret baby/undead father/hooker-turned-arsonist/clandestine affair/I'm really a transsexual story line, you just want to slap them all. They periodically bring in a fresh family, like a new stream of unrelated blood, but the last ones, who bought the kee-bab shop, all just looked like they needed a good scrubbing. The son lives in the backyard in a shed. Tells you everything, doesn't it? Actually, the fact the shed is the nicest abode on the block tells you even more.

True Corn fans have noted a black cat in the opening credits, walking across a brick wall. Well, The Poor Sod, aka Eagle Eye, would like to bring to your attention the fact that there are TWO cats on that wall. That's right - there is a smaller wall-coloured cat sitting ahead of the black one.

So there. Just when you thought you knew everything....


Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Almost a week with no posts, then two on Corrie...

Nothing about John Tory who was roundly defeated in my neck of the woods yesterday?

Nothing about the Greyhound chopper?

Nothing about GM?

Who needs reality when we have daytime drama!

March 06, 2009 12:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ozzie...Things are slow this week...Teasing Lorraine.


March 06, 2009 12:44 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...


Perhaps you could incite things by issuing a culinary challenge of some sort...?

March 06, 2009 1:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Culinary challenge, hmmm, how about something befitting her recent blogs. bangers and mash.
perhaps a "hot pot".


ps. my closet Corrie friends loved your blogs and are laughing their asses off.

March 07, 2009 2:09 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

How could we forget... "kee-babs"?

March 08, 2009 9:36 AM  

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