March 6, 2009


I do not like bumper stickers. I don't like the little advertising brackets that dealerships put around licence plates. And I most surely do not like when people 'decorate' their vehicles with bows and wreaths and antlers - a car is not a gift nor a tree nor a poodle. Get a grip.

I really don't like that fish sign. We saw one the other day on a Prius. Ari asked what it meant. I said it means Jesus drives a Prius. I mean, you're already in a Prius. How much more good do you have to proclaim yourself to be?

Actually, I don't even equate that fishy sign with goodness. Just an unnecessary demonstration of something I didn't especially need to know. I will admit to getting a chuckle the first time I saw the word 'Darwin' inside the little fishy. Take that, Intelligent Designers. And you just know they picked that term themselves. Like the Smart Food Popcorn people chose their own name too. And trust me: there is nothing remotely smart about that popcorn. It's good, mind you, but not remotely smart. They have taken every good molecule that popcorn may possess as it leaves the ground, and they coat it in two pounds of fake cheesy goodness and salt, and put it into bags that jump into my grocery cart unbidden. And then I must eat it.

Moving right is spring! How fabulous was it to see all the kids walking home, remembering in exquisite detail how wonderful the first warm day felt? Dunno if it'll last, but loved the sneak peek. And it's nice to have a headline that doesn't want to make me poke my eyes out.

I know when the seasons are turning because the Kleenex boxes change. Right now, the one on my counter has little penguins in igloos on it. In a month, I will only be able to find ones with flowers. I like the penguins, so I will stock up.

There is some piping up in other quarters because I wrote about Coronation Street. Hmph. People watch that show - really. And as another poster noted, if it wasn't for me noting that a girl character on NCIS has the best butt on TV, he never would have found that show. I am enlightening the masses. I'm practically a public service. Except for the service part.

I have totally sworn off all property/fix up shows. First, I hated that idiots were showing the appalling job they were doing in order to flip a house ("Hi, I'm Fred Fraud, I've never handled a tool in my life, I plan on gutting the kitchen, tearing down three walls, putting in pocket doors, building an en suite and a new deck with hot tub. I have a budget of 14 dollars and my grandfather's retired one- eyed friend Gus will be helping me") that some poor sap, I guess, ends up buying. They should not be encouraged. Of course now, not so much flippin' going on.

There is a heinous one on now - I've only seen 5 minutes, turned it off - where people are bused around to bid on houses that have been foreclosed on. These were some body's homes, people - have you no shame? Of course they don't. Without shame, you don't have a show.

Of course, that pretty much guts the entire TLC genre. I can't bring myself to watch any of those loathsome parents who breed like flies and pimp out their children. Can none of these jackasses Google 'Dionne quintuplets' ferchristsakes? I mean, I have a whole family's worth of dysfunction in my home, but do you see me making a living off it week after week?

Oh well, I'm off to start dinner. I'm actually cooking tonight. Gonna roast sweet potatoes, garlic, potatoes, zucchini, and squash. The Poor Sod can spark up the barbie (no, he's not lighting a doll on fire) and the kids can be shocked and awed that dinner isn't cut into 12 slices.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lorraine: You remark about being a public service. You are an essential service sweetie. You are the lifeline to the sniffling common folk, well, in some cases. I don't want your head swelling too badly...Keep it up..


March 07, 2009 6:00 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Jesus Fish? Never understood that concept. Why not a Jesus Loaf? After all, if I remember correctly, did the bible not discuss the miracle of five loaves and two fishes? If bread was the prevalent item, why do we not see the outline of Wonder bread on the back end of cars? Not intending to seek the wrath of whatever from folks, just observing, is all...

March 09, 2009 8:13 AM  

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