July 11, 2009


Does a Vet Have Client/Patient Confidentiality?

Ah, Gail Collins. Columnist for the NYT just keeps getting better. She makes me miss the late, great Molly Ivins just a little bit less.

Though you've probably burned out on Republican politicians screwing everyone except the person they put a ring on, the current knob-du-jour is a dandy. Senator John Ensign actually has played every card right in a very wrong hand. He boffed close to home, by selecting the wife of his Chief of Staff. Gives that title a whole new meaning, eh? He 'fessed up, but to a doctor/minister friend - Ensign is a vet, so between the two of them, they apparently have client/patient confidentiality. Wait right here while I go try to discover what conversations my cat has been having with her vet, that have cost me 90 bucks an hour and I know nothing about.

Ensign had his Daddy pay off not just the boffee, but her husband and children. He didn't put a ring on it, but he somehow put a price on it. $96,000. American dollars. Hell, I need a new deck and bathroom. And we all know I've put out for far less...

Ahem. I think there should be a Politican's Guidebook. Seriously. Before they run for school trustee or dog catcher or wherever they begin their dubious odyssey, they should be told a few home truths: yank open your own closet, and sort through those skeletons before you buy your first pair of sensible shoes to start going door-to-door.

If you're a drinker, make that your campaign policy. "Who's more fun than a drunk monkey?" you might emblazon on a poster. If you smoked dope in college, begin your first speech with "My degree is written on a rolling paper, and I have the ethics of a stoner," which would actually be okay, because most stoners I know are quite calm and lovable.

If you can't keep it in your pants, remind everyone that cuckoldry was the sport of kings. Or was that falconry? No matter. Everyone will be busy pondering the fact that you participate in something that is old- timey and British, which is sure to give you a pass. I mean, who doesn't resort to quotes by Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde when they want to prove something? The Brits get away with everything, nearly as much as the French and the Italians.

If Mr. Bean can be a national icon, a philandering, helmet-haired politician with a shit-eating grin can be a hero.

4 Comments:

Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

“All of those tentacles were birthed because John needed things to go down like this.”

There are so many school boy innuendos in this one sentence that if I weren't the father of two teenage daughters I would laugh so hard that I may lose a few internal organs. How is it that people who are so incredibly stupid get into these positions (get it?) while brilliant folks like... oh... say... me, get stuck taking the garbage out at 3:00 AM to try to outwit the raccoons who always, always, always win? By the way, if you've ever seen a raccoon drag a full bag of Oreos up a tree and slowly, willfully, remove the cookie and lick the cream from the center, you'll know that a dozen of the buggers could outwit the entire Republican party, and leave them standing in a desert with no clothes on. Which wouldn't be as big a feat as it may originally sound, as half of them seem to have their clothes off most of the time anyway.

But still... you get my drift. Maybe the raccoons should run for Party Leader. Hmmmmmm.

July 11, 2009 12:41 PM  
Blogger DJ said...

I am reminded of the lyrics for the song Everybody's Free by Baz Lurhman a few years back...

..."Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders..."

I don't know why we get all uppity when we hear about it.It happens all the time, to the best and worst of them, from King Edward to Bill Clinton.

"It happens out in Vegas, happens in Moline.
On the blue blood streets of Boston.
Up in Berkeley and out in Queens.
And it went on yesterday and it's going on tonight.
Somewhere there's somebody ain't treatin' somebody right." Bob Seger.

DJW

July 12, 2009 9:08 AM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Good one, DJ.
You're obviously using the time in that new barn wisely. Somewhere, someone will write a song about the every day life of the every day house husband.

Or is that wife?

Seems like every public figure has many skeletons in that closet but we all tend to overlook them so we can continue to marvel at the brilliance of their work. MJ, Mr Bean, Mr Clinton... I could go on and on. We may not like them as people but we love the work they produced. When it gets personal, though, it's harder to forgive and forget.

Just ask Hillary.

July 12, 2009 12:39 PM  
Blogger Christian said...

I am perpetually amazed at each new uncovered scandal, as it represents a very large number of people who all believe "yes, he was stupid enough to get caught, but I can still get away with it" about their own philandering and indiscretions.

July 13, 2009 3:03 PM  

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