July 27, 2009

I'm No Joan Rivers...

I didn't really think I was going to be blogging to fill the void while Lorraine was away. I didn't want to be Joan Rivers to her Johnny Carson (yeah, I'm that old), but I'll be damned if those purple Docs are going to sitting there for a week.

But the question is, what to write about.

Despite having similar personalities, I don't have the creative blog writing skill Lorraine has. And by 'creative blog writing skill', I mean the ability to ramble on about snippets of sunshine she finds on the Internet. I'm certainly not political at all, and I really don't have enough material to create another 'Things You Didn't Know...' list. Celebrity gossip has been done and there's nothing I could really add on the death of MJ that Nancy Grace hasn't already regurgitated.

Talking about the weather seems a little melodramatic. We all know it sucks.

I've looked through the headlines of odd stories at Lorraine's 'inspiration' sites and found nothing, except for maybe this one. Holy Didgeridoo, can't you wait 5 minutes for your grilled cheese? Or how about this guy? Those Aussies are wacky!

I won't go near sensitive subjects like religion... or PC vs. Mac. Just don't get me started.

Seems kinda self serving to talk about me, my likes and dislikes. Besides, Lorraine already said enough about me last year, and you just won't let it go! Just like I won't let go of harassing her for all the free crap she gets via her associations. You'd think some of it would dribble on to me, but no. I don't get the free camera, I just get my ass hauled out to Cayuga to take pictures with the free camera. Pictures of her riding around on a motorcycle like a bullet, for free. Have you ever tried to take a picture of a motorcycle going 230km/hr?

Anybody else get those telemarketer calls about lowering your credit card interest rates? The ones with the option to press 3 to receive 'no further notice' except when you press 3, nothing happens? And when you speak with a live 'service representative' to get the company name so you can complain to the do not call list you're suppose to be on, they just hang up on you? Or is it just me?

So as much as Lorraine would like me to be Joan Rivers, I can't afford the plastic surgery she's had and I just don't know what to write about.


Blogger DJW said...

Don't forget, George Carlin used to fill in a lot too.

July 27, 2009 6:24 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

I'm with Omemeeozzie. I maintain the "jeans" are not at half mast for some altruistic artistic purpose but are in fact "nerd jeans" to match the nomenclature her highness has called herself many times. I have purchased my own new sandals just to keep up with the Sommerfelds er... Sommerfeld (I'm sure The Poor Sod has no interest in being included in the fashion show.)

Because she is not here to defend herself, I also suggest that Jeff has airbrushed the photo of her to remove the "Nerd glasses" with white tape on the nose she must wear.

Perhaps some company had 200 pairs that no one would buy and gave her a pair? Only a true fashionista like myself would know.

July 27, 2009 9:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did anyone read one of WGJ's links, the one about the Austrailian wackadoodles? How, in God's name does someone get to be a grandfather at age 27? Or am I reading this wrong? Anyway, don't get me started on Lorraine's tastes in glasses or sandals. It's a family joke of long standing. She's not allowed to go shopping on her own. Obviously, Poor Sod has been hanging with her for such a long time that he's gone over to the wild side and consenting to be a party to the purchase of the putrid purple puddlejumpers.
(way to go WG)

July 28, 2009 8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, and by the way, nice new sandal picture Chris. Do these go with your florescent green Borat bathing attire?


July 28, 2009 8:45 AM  
Blogger sxoidmal said...

See, that's what's interesting: the behind-the-scenes look at the Sommerfeld Show. No, I've never taken pictures of anything going faster than 60mph, not at close distance.

Think in terms of a "blooper reel." I know that's what I'd like to see.

July 28, 2009 1:00 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

C'mon Roz. It's obvious the Aussie is a Leap Year Baby and as such is really 108 years old.

That makes much more sense.

P.S. I always vowed my daughters would never be subjected to seeing their father in a speedo. As such the swimsuit edition of my calendar (aka: the Chris Brown Calendar of Hard Knocks) was ejected from a speeding locomotive. Besides a remarkable increase in prairie dog suicides that year, there was no known side effect. Borat bathing suits are strictly off limits, lime green or otherwise.

July 28, 2009 4:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aah, but the Borat suit would go so well with your new flip-flop-socks-'n-sandal combo.


July 29, 2009 8:49 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

An image, dear Roz, the world at large can well do without!

July 29, 2009 8:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks Jeff. I thoroughly enjoyed the hour or so I lost exploring the memories in your likes and laughed like the madwoman I am over your dislike!


July 29, 2009 7:37 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

For those who are missing the musings of the Empress of Lorrainia, I have found her U.S. equivalent.

The Redneck Mommy could have been one of the twisted sisters, separated at birth.

Check her out http://theredneckmommy.com/

She will fill the gap till Lorraine gets back and regales us with tales about the bears rolling on the ground laughing at her boots.


July 29, 2009 10:29 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Just because I like you and am a sound believer that anyone named OmemeeOzzie has to have some sense of fashion, I am posting the photo you requested. As you can plainly see Omemee is quite correct.

While your sister is out rassling bears and mosquitos you can tell her you were wrestling a leopard. Just don't let her see the picture or she'll be jealous. You know how the song goes... save a horse, ride a leopard.

July 31, 2009 1:44 PM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

Hey, Shameless...put your pants back on.

July 31, 2009 1:53 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

I can't believe they let Chris live in Oakville.

August 01, 2009 8:23 AM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

OK WGJ you now have to give us another post to get that last photo out of public view.

Shameless pretty much describes it. Soon they'll let me out for more than just 15 minutes at a time. In my own defense... there was substantial fatigue and some alcohol involved

And a dare. Please feel free to remove it. I should also point out that if you check google images under "speedo sandals" that's the pic you'll find. This in no way represents me or my family.

Or my dog.

August 01, 2009 5:03 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Oh by the way... in case Jeff doesn't get around to another posting before HRH gets back...

Welcome back Lorraine. Nothing happened while you were gone. Anything that looks amiss is simply your eyes messing with your brain after consuming too much wine over too many kilometers in too barren a land.

Nice boots, incidentally. Oh... here... let me get my apple.

August 01, 2009 9:01 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

I leave the site for one week and THIS happens.Seriously that Journey post was interesting. I don't have any of their albums. Scarab beetles floating in mid space with mandalas seem just too out there for me but what a set of pipes their singer has. The australian can't wait'er sounds like he had a low sugar problem. No Twinkie defence for him though. Go box with a Kangaroo sport. Have a look on Youtube on kangaroo boxing and you'll see I'm hoping he gets clocked big time.

August 03, 2009 11:46 AM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

Unfortunately, Steve Perry isn't with Journey anymore but pick up his Greatest Hits, or Journey's Greatest Hits, you won't be disappointed.

August 03, 2009 3:15 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home