July 1, 2009


Karl Malden 1912-2009

Karl Malden has passed away suddenly, at the age of 97.

The entertainment world has been thrown into deep, unexpected mourning at his passing. Often referred to as the King Of Pop, for having played more father figures than any other actor born on March 22, 1912, in real life Malden had two daughters.

It is being widely speculated that the courts may now demand DNA tests be performed on his daughters, to determine their paternity. His wife of 71 years (they married in 1938) has reportedly exclaimed that the word 'surrogate' hadn't even been invented when the girls were born, but Perez Hilton is apparently demanding stronger evidence be presented.

While he won an Oscar for his work in A Streetcar Named Desire, it is feared he may best be remembered as the spokesman for American Express, or worse yet, his penultimate movie, Nuts.

His Streets of San Fransisco costar Michael Douglas is said to be inconsolable. "I've just moved up to the position of oldest man in Hollywood," he sobbed, "how do you think I'm feeling?".

Funeral arrangements to be announced.

5 Comments:

Anonymous buzzwhack said...

That's half an obituary. How about his love child with Carol Channing and his weekend trips with LSD and college frats on Fire Island? You can have oil and acid on a madman's face and make it in Hollywood. Malden was a huge influence on me. Karl's suave moves inspired disco dancers to do "The Malden" a smooth, rapid draw of the hand from the breast pocket simulating AMEX ecstasy. You'll never look at plastic the same way again.

July 01, 2009 7:25 PM  
Blogger DJ said...

This just in...

...Anna Nicole Smith is still dead!

July 02, 2009 8:05 AM  
Anonymous jmd said...

Remember when Karl's hair caught on fire while filming that Metamucil commercial? What a hoot!

July 02, 2009 9:23 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Bwaaaaaaah! You're officially meaner than me!

July 02, 2009 9:24 AM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Hey just for grins, check out Lorraine's US website. lorraineonline.com
It appears webgod Jeff has the last laugh after all.Found this by typo.

July 02, 2009 10:10 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home