August 25, 2009


Unfortunate Acronyms

I remember when I was a kid, my mom, who was always on one diet or another, tried these silly little chewy candy things called Ayds. Ayds Diet Plan. I think the idea was you tossed two of the nasty little spongey things down your gullet, and they would kill the hunger pangs until you sat down to a tasty lunch of a lettuce leaf, half a cup of lumpy cottage cheese, and a sprig of parsley. At least that's what I recall.

Of course, in the 1980s when Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome reared its ugly, dreadful head, the acronym AIDS was screaming from every headline except Ronald Reagan's to-do list. And the AYDS diet plan? Dead in the water. RIP, AYDS.

I hadn't thought about that in awhile, until I looked at my calendar today. I usually use the Milk calendar, but this year from some reason, they changed the layout and I hate it. So. I'm using one from Subaru, which has the correct layout. Each month features a different car, which I only kind of glance at, to be honest. My calendar is about orthodontist appointments and birthdays, not pictures. Flipping back, I realized that July was an Impreza. An Impreza WRX STI 2009, to be precise. And the large print headline under the car? "Are You STI Ready?"

Remember when sexually transmitted diseases changed names? We went from the Clap to STDs. Well, guess what. They've recently changed it again. To STI. Sexually Transmitted Infections.

And Subaru wants to know if I'm STI ready.

Uhm, no.

Look for a name change come 2010.

12 Comments:

Anonymous jmd said...

I remember the Ayds commercials quite vividly. I also remember being on a diet on which on Tuesdays for lunch, you got to suck the stains out of the tablecloth. Seriously.

August 25, 2009 3:25 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

jmd, I learn more from you every time you post....

August 25, 2009 9:32 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

No wonder no one knows what I mean by STDs anymore. Not that I use the term frequently. But with two teenage daughters (one of whom has a doofuss ex who is... did I mention?... a doofuss) one has to be at the very least, alert. You know what they say... "Be alert. The world needs more Lerts."

August 26, 2009 7:09 AM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Excuse me teacher, I have a question.

I am heading out to sin city with my wife and two darling daughters on Saturday and I've been hoping to see the new "Adventure." Even though it will be 41 degrees in Vegas I still want to read about the chilling adventures (the real ones, not the "made for pansies" version from the Star) in the sunny Yukon. Any chance I'll get to see it before we catch our 8:50 flight Saturday morning?

August 27, 2009 1:35 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Doubtful.

August 27, 2009 1:37 PM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

I second that.

August 27, 2009 2:03 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Oh well, something to look forward to when I return. But that won't stop me from sharing MY latest adventure with YOUSE. I just got back from shopping for emergency rations before leaving (wine and beer.) Guess what I saw in the parking lot.

No really...

Guess. I'll give you a hint. It was poop brown in colour. Guessed yet? The only thing preventing it from exploding on-site was the fact that rust removes all oxygen from metal thus making it fireproof (I made that up but it sounds pretty scientific.) Guessed yet? It was a sporty two door hatchback model.

YOU GUESSED IT!!!! A Ford Pinto!!!! A real, live, unexploded, Ford Pinto. Much like unexploded live ordinance found in fields I was tempted to dial 911 and get the bomb squad involved. But the 40 year old lady driving it looked like she could peel baby rabbits with a stick, so I just left it alone.

And came back and told you about it. It's kind of like the Northern Lights. You'll always remember where you were when you saw them.

August 27, 2009 3:10 PM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

I'm waiting for some sort of relevance or punchline...

August 27, 2009 3:53 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

I didn't realize relevance was a prerequisite. You younguns don't know history when you see it.

Sigh.

August 27, 2009 4:07 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Hold on a moment... getting back to the Adventure part... I seem to recall Lorraine stating, in this very forum, that WGJ should be prepared to get the Adventure on the Interweb... that was two weeks or so ago... So, where is/was the breakdown.

Oh and if any of us, beside WGJ are looking for anything resembling relevance or even a punch line, do dream on!

August 27, 2009 5:04 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

It's my fault. I haven't sent him the pics and captions.

But I'll be damned if I know how a blog on VD turned into my inability to get my work done.

August 27, 2009 5:06 PM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

I dunno, but it makes me feel like a youngun.

August 27, 2009 8:30 PM  

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