September 18, 2009

Cloudy With a Chance of Firing

Did you ever have an old weird uncle who would say the most stunningly inappropriate things at Thanksgiving dinner? Or Grandma? Drunk auntie? And your Mom would get this tight little painful smile on her face as she prayed - prayed hard - that the moment would pass?

I recall some elderly visitors occasionally passing wind or burping, and my mother furiously glaring at us because we'd be laughing uncontrollably. My own Dad was good for putting his foot in his mouth, sluiced down by a few glasses wine. My poor mother must have ground her teeth to nubs trying to achieve decorum. But for kids, it was the if an adult messed up.

Now, thanks to Youtube, that dinner table stretches around the world. You have to click on this newscaster, Ernie Anastos from Fox (home of all things inappropriate at the best of times) and have a listen. He swears. There's your warning.

Apparently, there used to be a chicken brand that used the slogan "it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken". Anastos, here commenting after the weatherdude has said his bit, says "it takes a tough man to make a tender forecast", and then follows it up. Ah, how he follows it up.

Check out his female co-anchor's face. Says it all.


Anonymous jmd said...

My son Mike, about 11 at the time, decided at one family gathering to read an exerpt from a cool new book he had called "Cruel Shoes" by Steve Martin. The bit, entitled "The Day the Dopes Came Over", unfortunately closes with the line "Goodbye, you big ****ing idiot!". That moment has become part of our family folklore.

September 18, 2009 10:17 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

My all time favourite is, remarkably, from my own mother. After one particularly large and raucous Christmas dinner, she indignantly turned to us and said "what, you think I don't know what a (colloquial term for fellatio) is?

September 18, 2009 10:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the heck were you discussing at dinner?

September 18, 2009 10:46 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Okay. Sigh. You asked...

One of the kids was a toddler, and we'd given him these little toys called thumb wrestlers. He was sitting at the table with Hulk Hogan stuffed in his mouth, gnawing and slobbering away.

After several bottles of wine had been passed around, somebody - dunno who, seriously - mentioned that it looked like the kid was giving HH a b.....and the word ran off the table as we realized my mother was bustling back to the table.

That's when she looked up, and made her statement. Insert the polite English accent and festive apron into your visual.

Merry Christmas, one and all.

September 18, 2009 11:13 AM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

That news anchor is Jim Walcott on ludes!What a horndog. I can't believe the stuff that happens in USA. As for family bloopers, I don't have any to tell you because it just hasn't happened like that in the last 12 years.I suppose Lorraine will follow up with a posting on how lewdness is ramping up in society. I blame the chicken. It's all the estrogen they pump into them.

September 18, 2009 11:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Referencing the old chicken Frank Purdue commercial the term he intended to say was, "keep plucking that chicken." :)

What with Obama calling KW a jackass. it seems a week for shall we say slips of the tongue ...


September 19, 2009 11:13 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Thanks for letting me in of the 'plucking' part of the slogan, Christine...makes the whole thing even funnier...

September 21, 2009 12:48 PM  

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