November 3, 2009

Headline Day

Let's play Ring Around the Headline today.

Random things that have caught my eye of late. This morning on the top left of page one of my Star, I see a throw for a story inside. Now, I only know this is called a throw because I had an editor tell me he was going to throw a story of mine once, and I gasped and said "you're throwing my story? Why? What did I do wrong?" and he gently explained that it was a good thing. A throw is a little teaser on the cover to haul you inside. It's the newspaper equivalent of a sign out front that says Girls Girls Girls.

Now, this throw was a flag with 'I WON' in it, and the mini headline, 'Lawyer Declares Victory Over Real Estate Industry'. I jumped from my chair with a resounding 'Meh'. Who do you hate more than lawyers? Maybe the real estate industry. Who do you hate more than the real estate industry? Probably lawyers. It's like watching Peter Brady win a sprint over Chris Partridge. Who cares? Who even knows who they are? (You'll need a little 70s TV lore to play this game, obviously.)

I did read the piece. It's about those discount brokers. And regulation. But it's still about a lawyer. I'm just thinking if they want people to get excited, don't say the lawyer won. Say people won. You know the ones. "Sell your house for 1.5% commission" blah blah blah. They supposedly show you now to keep more money for yourself so your real estate agent doesn't keep winning the lottery by flipping your house. Sorry, selling it. I see signs, For Sale By Owner, and I figure if you want to sell your house the same way you give away free kittens, that's up to you. But I'm more likely to get a kitten from you than a house. Just so you know.

Moving along this morning...there's been an ongoing case of a doctor in Toronto who submitted false claims to OHIP. As far as I'm concerned this is the greediest thing a doctor can do. Being wined and dined by the pharmaceutical industry is gross, but submitting false claims - $65,000 worth - is more gross. Our system is in huge trouble, and this leech is submitting false claims.

But they decided she was nuts when she did it, so it's fine. What were the nature of the false claims, you ask? Get this: filing claims to OHIP if she spoke to her family at dinner. Seriously. Let's say you're a doctor, and your kid says to you, "Mom, I stubbed my toe..." "Well, darling, you are a klutz. Now go get your backpack and go to school." And if you're this woman, you then fill out an OHIP submission and get paid for that advice.

Now do this 65,000 dollars worth. 2700 individual billings. Then say you didn't know you were doing anything wrong. Then say you were in a decreased mental capacity (ya think?). And then have the judge buy it. And then get off. But during this whole time, while you are Crying Crazy, keep working as a doctor at a clinic.

Can't suck and blow at the same time folks. You want to know why this didn't get to a jury? Because we would have thrown stuff at her.

A couple of weeks back, Disney announced they would give full refunds to idiots, er parents, who purchased Baby Einstein DVDs for their babies. Infants, actually. The advertising goes from zero to toddler, or something. Zero - when they have no necks. When they sleep, 23 hours a day, in a crumpled little ball. Like a boneless chicken. In a sleeper. Yes. They need DVDs.

Anyway. Disney had to admit, to the dismay of arsehole parents everywhere, that propping your progeny up in front of a TV screen will not make them geniuses. The fact parents would believe this lets me know the kid is already on a slippery slope to the short bus. I am so over this crap of people thinking they can create intelligence with anything other than attention, time and attention. Did I say that twice? Maybe because I'm right. Plunking little Albert or Rayphaeleya in front of the idiot box, regardless of what junk you plug in, will not help.

I knew a woman once of painfully average intelligence who decided she would birth geniuses. To achieve them, she used to flashcard them to death. Poor kid strapped to a high chair watching a mad woman hold up cards with 'red' or '1+1=3' on them. All those kids learned was learning was painful, and if they got something right, they got a goldfish cracker. I know dogs that would learn flashcards to get a goldfish cracker. Kid going to look mighty stupid in college searching for his goldfish cracker every time he gets something right.

Moving right along...Tinky Winky Suspect Sought in Armed Robbery. That's the headline. On Halloween, Tinky Winky robbed a woman after midnight in London, Ontario. Now, this is what happens when children's beloved TV characters have their personal lives dragged through the mud. You might remember the giant controversy, second only to who shot JFK - is Tinky Winky gay? He never admitted it, but now he's sunk to robbing people on the street, you can't help but wonder if the stress of such ruthless tearing into his private life didn't push him into a life of crime. We really need to respect the private life of public people. Geez.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't even get me started on the real estate industry! Where else do you have to sign a contract to pay a fee before the service is performed with no recourse if the service is crap! And when your agent throws you under the bus, their broker will do nothing but stand behind them all the way.....liars, theives and cheats....sorry, is my bitterness showing?

November 03, 2009 8:59 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...


But that's okay. Mine shows all the time....

November 03, 2009 9:00 AM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

If I got my Baby Einstein DVDs for free from a friend, rather than purchase them, does that make me less of an idiot? Keep in mind, I'm doing invoicing today.

I never for once thought they would make my son a genius, especially given he only watches a few a month. I thought it would buy me 20 minutes of freedom.

Anyway, this reeks of why they now have to put "Warning: HOT!" on coffees now. If they didn't make billions of dollars, I'd say Disney got screwed.

Just like the woman who bought flash cards that have "1+1=3" on them.

November 03, 2009 9:54 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Invoicing Day?

Did I mention I believe it's all genetics?

And Steven is the smartest little kid I've ever met! Just like his Webgod Daddy!

(note: kid really is a sweetheart)

November 03, 2009 9:58 AM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Yes, the world is a silly and dangerous place with corrupt people in it.Since it's hump day, I'm already planning for the weekend and ripping off my employer by using company time to voice my opinion online. Wait a minute; I AM my employer.How naughty of me, don't do it again. By the my raise request was approved. As a famous chain store says..." that was easy." With apologies to John Cleese.

November 03, 2009 10:07 AM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

It's only Tuesday.

November 03, 2009 10:13 AM  
Blogger Nursedude said...

As far as the Dr and the fraudulent billing go: Do you think she'll ever see a disciplinary hearing from her regulatory body? Two chances of that: Slim and none.

November 03, 2009 5:52 PM  

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