January 6, 2010

Prorogue the Columnist w/edit

I think it is only right that I tell my readers - both of you - that I'm taking some time off. I'm not quitting; I still expect to be paid, but I will be hiding out until, let's say, March 3rd.

That's the safety margin to get the Olympics out of the way. We all know how hard it is to work when you have to set your alarm for odd times to catch the Kazakhstan/Namibia men's hockey game. Or to stay up late to catch the snowboard finals featuring kids who get kicked out of malls the rest of the year.

And it's hard to concentrate with the McDonald's commercials that blast the whole time the games are on. And yes, damn it, I do want an egg mcmuffin every time they hold one up. Of course I can't work under those circumstances. You have an egg mcmuffin, a couple of those little hash brown things and you're ready to climb back into bed.

The cool part, of course, is that I'll just sneak into your houses at night and nick a fiver out of your purses and wallets. I mean, I still need to get paid, and there's no reason it shouldn't come from your pockets. But don't worry; I'll sneak it and you won't notice.

A few deadlines may come and go during this two month period, but that can't be helped. Valentine's Day will just have to occur without a sobby column from me about being dumped. While it's true that atrocities in the war on my heart are worth noting and reporting on, sometimes there are more important things to consider. Like why they still let Don Cherry on national TV.

The beauty of this decision really lies in its execution. I can just declare it; like a big ol' declarer. Save your wailing and complaining. You don't have a say in this kind of thing. When I signed up for this job, I knew I had it for life, and nobody could tell me how to do it. Nobody. And if I want to take a mighty break, say, prorogue my career as it were, for two months for no damned good reason, then there's nothing you can do about it.


Oops. I'm getting mail that people think I'm buggering off for two months. I'm just poking fun at our ridiculous Canadian government led by the fearless - and brainless - Stephen Harper proroguing parliament. Sorry folks - I ain't going anywhere!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

who pooped in your corn flakes?


January 06, 2010 9:18 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

You get that Harper is gonna close up shop for two months, right Rozzy? And let that messy Afghan prisoner thing slide away?

God, I wish Dad was here to talk some sense into you.....

January 06, 2010 9:45 AM  
Anonymous jmd said...

I'm glad to see the backlash from the public, we are too placid and accepting most of the time. What the hell is Stevie going to do for two months, reorganize his sweater drawer?

I would love to retreat under a pile of comforters and cats with a pile of novels and a big box of bon bons, but I have to drag myself out to make a living (and pay for the cat food). Steve and his minions should have to do the same.

January 06, 2010 10:33 AM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Chase this creep down an alley and beat him up. I wish Canadians would get some sense once in awhile.

January 06, 2010 11:38 AM  
Anonymous robert leroy parker said...

That's the problem, Buzzwhack. Canadians apparently have no interest in what's going on. We look like a bunch of tinhorns in Copenhagen, then Harper comes home and shuts down the shop for two months, so he and that knucklehead McKay don't have to talk about Afghanistan. And what happens? His poll numbers are better than ever.
People don't pay attention.
But enough about Roz.

January 06, 2010 1:06 PM  
Anonymous Brassy Light said...

Well, I finally figured out what you were talking about by the end! Ah, the life of Canadians. I'll trade your government for mine (US)! Mine is too busy getting rich while enslaving us to take a vacation.

Enjoyed your usual wit until I pulled my head out of the proverbial sand as it were though.

P.S. Happy Day!

January 06, 2010 1:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, hey, hey.

I missed the dumb link. It was early. I went back and read it so I get it now. I was too busy singing my seester happy birthday.


p.s. watch yourself Robert Leroy Parker. The regulars get to slam me but I don't even know you (yet).!

January 06, 2010 2:27 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

But Leroy speaks such wisdom, Rozzy!

January 06, 2010 2:55 PM  
Anonymous r l parker said...


January 06, 2010 3:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm just kidding. slam away, you'd think I was used to it by now. :)


January 06, 2010 5:23 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Yeah. You'd think.

January 06, 2010 5:26 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Thinking... is that a new abstract for the Twisted Sisters?

January 06, 2010 9:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I understand the Leader of The Opposition - The Honourable Michael Ignatieff - has not responded to this stretched siesta. At all. I guess he likes the idea! Or he follows the lead of facebook groups.

January 06, 2010 11:09 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

...and when are the Twisted Sisters going to get their own spin off?

...sort of a Joanie Loves Chachi...


January 07, 2010 7:04 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Isn't Iggy still on vacation in Europe?

January 07, 2010 9:11 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

To your edit.... really? Says a whole lot about those two readers, doesn't it?

January 07, 2010 10:32 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Dear Parliament, Revenue Impot and Harper. I am taking a prorogue on income tax payment for the fiscal year 2009 and part of 2010. I want to visit the Bahamas, set up a couple of head offices there and in the Cayman Island, do a little fund transferring then in September or so, I'll return to Canada and tend to my taxes. Oh, by the way, the company will be showing a loss on the books...so sorry :)

January 07, 2010 11:38 PM  

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