February 11, 2010

Ranty Pants

Argh. I feel a rant coming on.

I should blog more often to let it out. Like exercising, I'm sure it's good for you. Like exercising, I rarely do it these days.

Of course you've heard all about the sexcapades of Adam Giambrone . Because no sex story can just blessedly go away, it's being flogged with endless follow-ups. Just when I thought I would never get the text message transcripts of this Romeo out of my brain ("I like you because you're smart and interesting. You're also good-looking naked" - I tell ya, words like those and dinner at Swiss Chalet, and I'm all yours, baby), now things get even more embarrassing.

They're doing man-on-the-street interviews. My favourite? Someone calls this a tragedy. Yup. Haiti isn't a tragedy. Two women murdered in Ontario isn't a tragedy. No, Adam Giambrone getting caught with his pants around his ankles and his head up his ass while texting on his cell phone - now that's a tragedy.

Snow, or don't snow. But enough of this stupid weather already. I want a decent storm. Or spring. Pick one.

We are lucky enough to have a benefits plan through the Poor Sod's work. This is great. But when I was finally vacuuming behind my computer the other day, I found two drug receipts I hadn't sent in. From 2008. I slid them in the latest batch, thinking they might not notice. They noticed. 200 bucks gone, because I'm a miserable slob.

I trust President's Choice products. I bought a new chicken marinade. I cooked it last night. It's Jerk Sauce. Ari asked if it was called Dirt Sauce. Everyone had a bite. It is now called Napalm Chicken. It was so hot, nobody could eat it.

I can't figure out how to use my iPhone. And I'm too lazy to go to the store and have them show me. And I hate reading those little books. I might hate it.

I need to get my chimney rebuilt.

I have to do my taxes. I have all these piles of paper all over the couch in the living room. Do not come over for tea. There is nowhere to sit.

A paper I canceled a subscription to a year ago keeps calling me. I do not want your paper. I will not read it in my house. Not in a boat, not on a train, not in a plane, not in the tub. Stop calling me. And do not ever, ever tell me that making dinner at 5:45 is not 'the usual time for most people we call to be making dinner'. Yes, that is in quotes.

I will probably add to this before the day is over.


Anonymous jmd said...

I, too, am tired of perpetually peckerheaded politicians (how's that for alliteration?) who seem to have no inkling that their misdeeds will definitely come back to haunt them. I'm also tired of the women they run around with selling their stories to anyone who will listen. Whatever happened to discretion? Or self respect?

And on the cooking disaster front, I tried some kind of honey-garlic-chicken thing that smelled as if someone was burning tires in the kitchen. It literally made your eyes water.

February 11, 2010 4:25 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Your iPhone situation? Do what my wife did. In line at the airport last month she admired the dexterity of a kid on said device. Asked said child's Father if she could address the kid. He (kid) was four years old and in 10 minutes had taught my wife so much more than she had known since buying the device last November. She was a little leery, I might add; Christmas day, a particularly mischievious niece set it up with a new, wet fart-sounding ring tone!

February 11, 2010 7:19 PM  
Anonymous pa67smith@yahoo.com said...

You'd think the way he welled up on the podium that Adam Giambrone discovered infidelity and lying at the same time for all the world to see. I like this non winter, because it won't last. Trust me, we'll get all kinds of heavenly dandruff before March is through. Lorraine's rant came on a Thursday. Wouldn't she be good on that Rick Mercer's Rant competition they're doing for a scholarship or something? In the boring new department, this is my first coming out of the closet post with my blogger name. "I was outed and I was never even in,"
I am buzzwhack.

February 11, 2010 10:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Check out this youtube link to show you how to use your phone.

A little jerk sauce goes a long way.

Chimney = try Magic Putty - I heard it works on everything, for years. If it doesn't work on your chimney, go fix a mug.

Giambrone - could have forgiven him once but come on already. What a gonad.


February 12, 2010 9:21 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

A gonad? Seriously? Definitely a TS kinda description.

February 13, 2010 10:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's a TS?


February 13, 2010 1:29 PM  
Blogger Nursedude said...

We tried the jerk chicken sauce several years ago when Dave Nichol used to be the spokesperson for PC. Same experience. Even tried washing it off but it was still too hot to consume. The little heat score (number of peppers) shown on the jar isn't a reliable guide but anything that has the full three peppers highlighted should probably just be used a paint remover

February 13, 2010 7:57 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Twisted Sister... I see that your memory is going now...

February 14, 2010 11:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh yeah, I think it's BuzzWhack's name change that's still messing me up.

too many acronyms in my life.

Roz aka TS

February 14, 2010 5:03 PM  
Blogger sxoidmal said...

I actually hadn't heard about Giambrone, but I don't follow the news much. And I wonder how much coverage it would get down here anyway, though that kind of thing goes on with our politics all the time as well. All the freakin' time. Politicians seem to refuse to learn from each others' lessons.

So weird, that someone calling you from that newspaper would try to pick a fight with you (over the hour for dinner prep or for any reason). Surprised they haven't sent over a car with tinted windows containing four overly developed men in suits.

February 14, 2010 8:16 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Great to hear from you, Christian!

Yeah, we're finally catching up to the States when it comes to oblivious politicians.


February 14, 2010 8:33 PM  

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