April 1, 2010


The Effects of ColdFX

Against my doctor's opinion, I have decided that that ColdFX stuff actually might work. I took it a month back, and my cold went away *fast*. The fact I never get colds has nothing to do with it. I felt that little itchy scratchy beginning of a cold, and I was about to go to Spain, and I would have swallowed glass shards if they came in a little pack that said 'take 3 twice a day, then 2 twice a day, then 1 twice a day', and came in a little blister pack that even a monkey could work.

The Poor Sod tried them. They seemed to work for him too. He gets colds. Way more than I do. I will do anything to stop his colds because he snores like a freight train even when he doesn't have a head full of snot.

Now, this fancy shmancy stuff costs a lot. Like, 15 bucks on sale for the 3 day regime. It's just vitamin stuff. But it didn't turn me orange or make my ears ring, so I figure it's okay. When it's not on sale, it's about 20 bucks. With a cold heading into the Poor Sod's head the other day, and me knowing my front hall will never be finished if he goes down sick, I figured it was time for the FX. As I stared at the shelf at Shoppers, I glanced at the Life brand FX. I buy lots of Life brand stuff. Most of it is made by the branded manufacturer anyway. I forget how I know this, but I used to do a lot of work with Procter & Gamble, so I'm sure I know it for a reason.

Anyway. I'm looking at the standard 3 day treatment pack. 12 capsules. Which probably contain gelatin, but be quiet. Then I notice a big party pack of the stuff. Hmmm. I do the math, and realize it's far cheaper to buy the party pack, and hope that the Poor Sod gets more colds before the expiry date. That sounds bad. Anyway.

I get home and stare at this ColdFX package, and get that frowny look on my face. The whole point of this thing is to take the 12 pills religiously. The party pack has 45 pills in it. I'll wait, while you do the math.

I HATE THIS. This is like the single piece of lasagna that is leftover when I make lasagna. This is the Special K dust in the bottom of the box that nobody will eat. This is the one egg, the 4 different salad dressing bottles with half an inch in each, the 5 stale Triscuits and the two freezer burned hamburger patties. This is the shampoo bottle standing on its head; the kleenex box that has been kicked around a slushy van all winter; the lime in the basket that resembles a wizened troll testicle.

THIS IS INTENTIONALLY PACKAGED TO MAKE ME ANGRY.

3 MORE CAPSULES. 3 MORE. THAT'S ALL YOU HAD TO DO, COLDFX. TO MAKE ME LOVE YOU.

We're through. Whatever idiot sat at the planning sessions and said 'ha, ha! Now we'll get 'em! They'll have to buy another box!', no. We were already buying the big box. Now, we will buy Life brand. Or nothing. Ditching a cold is less stressful than letting some stupid company manipulate people who are already standing in a drug store at 11 at night wearing pajama bottoms and Ugg boots.

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7 Comments:

Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Oh Lorraine, sigh. YOu know what I use when I feel a nasty cold coming on? I chop up three or four buds of garlic( buds, not a whole garlic pod!) and put in a peanut butter sandwich open face and rolled over. I eat the rotten concoction and hope I only have to deal with people over the phone. It works, it's cheap and it doesn't have junk in it to wipe out your kidneys. Read the warnings on Cold FX sometime.

April 01, 2010 11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kinda like the cold medicine with the daytime / nighttime pills. They give you the same amount of both and you end up taking the daytimes at least twice a day but the nights only once. I have three different packs of cold medicine with only nighttime pills left. I'll stick with my Vitamin C & echinacea....seems to work for me.

April 01, 2010 12:00 PM  
Anonymous jmd said...

I make a tea of ground-up wizened troll testicles. Makes me feel better, the troll - not so much.

April 01, 2010 1:31 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

Wizened troll testicle?
Now there's a visual.

April 01, 2010 11:23 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

April 01, 2010 11:24 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Testicles are sad and bad enough looking as they are. But now I have to look forward to the wizened state? Hold me back...! Not that I'm a troll, either...

April 02, 2010 10:38 AM  
Anonymous prdcan said...

I'm a believer in Cold FX. If you have a Costco membership you can get a large bottle of the pills. Though it's about $50.00, it's more cost effective (especially if you do not live alone) as they have a good shelf life.

April 03, 2010 8:47 PM  

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