May 27, 2010

Getcher Fun Hats On

My sister, Roz, sends me stupid little links all the time. They're usually to weird sites where I have to go find brain bleach after I open them, but sometimes it's crazy little news pieces.

Yesterday, she sends me one about someone who covered up a BBQ too soon - it was still hot - and they burned down their house. Or something. I didn't read it. Why? I saw the headline 'BBQ covered too soon' and her comment in the subject line: Something we'll never have to worry about with you. Yeah, I never cover the BBQ. So shoot me. Little Miss Perfect does. And we share a cottage. So, I hear about not covering the BBQ.

Let's play a game: Only one of the following headlines could possibly be about me. Can you guess?

Housewife Overcome by Cleaning Fumes

Burlington Rose Garden Award Goes To Local Woman

Coveted Michelin Star Won By Canadian

Tantalizing Recipe Uses Grass Clippings

New Jogging Club to Meet at 7:00 Each Morning

"Food is More Important Than Shoes," Says Woman

Two Burlington Teens on Mother of the Year Award : "We knew she'd win; that's why we nominated her"

Downtown Woman Busted for Operating Still in Backyard


Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Is there a prize? You do realize that it is quite conceivable that more than one of these, dependent upon the medication intake by the reader, could well apply to you?

Again, the safe answer would be -- none of the above; not enough information to definitively respond.

But then again, is there a prize? Rhubarb, perhaps?

May 27, 2010 1:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too funny!
I don't know if you have a shoe problem or a drinking problem so I can't say which one might be you but I'll make a choice if it means more rhubarb!

May 27, 2010 1:11 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

The only shoe problem could be not enough.

Hmmm. Same for drinking problem.

And yeah - rhubarb to the winner.

May 27, 2010 1:15 PM  
Anonymous jmd said...

Rhubarb + still = tasty liquor, also useful for removing that waxy buildup on the kitchen floor.

May 27, 2010 1:40 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Roz and I were talking kitchen floors this morning.

She was bemoaning the fact she had to use more than a Swiffer on hers. I told her I had to use sandpaper on mine.

May 27, 2010 1:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, but that would infer that a person cared about the floor.
No point wasting good rhubarb on something as nasty as cleaning. Keep the ingredients for the important things!
My vote is for the still.

May 27, 2010 1:43 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

I came across some vinyl, wood and tile floor cleaner fluids in a fancy box with sqeeze trigger, sponges etc. On the side, it said it was banned in most West European nations. That means it's really good. I can send some if you like.

May 27, 2010 2:39 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

It was pretty hard to figure which one it was until I got to the last line. The only reason it's not likely to be you is that you're too smart to put it in your back yard. Some people get busted for running a grow-op. Your still would take up the entire basement and require its own nukular reactor to power it.

Party at Lorraine's.

May 27, 2010 2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know it's the last one. (because I know you)

Little Miss Perfect
(I like that name)

May 27, 2010 2:48 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I must admit I'm surprised that Little Miss Perfect didn't just tell everyone how I wash my kitchen floor: by spraying Fantastik on my socks.

May 27, 2010 2:50 PM  
Anonymous jmd said...

I dust under the sofa by spraying Endust on the cats.

May 27, 2010 3:12 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Confusion; is Little Miss Perfect Lorrain or Roz??

May 27, 2010 4:14 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Though I'm sure she'll be along shortly to tell you, I'm here now: Roz is Little Miss Perfect.

Just ask her.

I on the other hand, am a literal, physical, psychic mess.

May 27, 2010 4:16 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

There is a rumour making the rounds that you won, by default, the Bridgestone-retread Star. True?

May 27, 2010 4:19 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

May I have some rhubarb just for making a half-assed effort?

May 27, 2010 4:20 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I won what? Huh?

May 27, 2010 4:22 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

The Fantastik on the socks is brilliant! Kills two birds with one spray....the floor and the socks!

May 27, 2010 4:26 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Yup. Housekeeping tips from Lorraine.

That thud was Roz hitting the floor.

May 27, 2010 4:29 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Michelin... Bridgestone...

It's no fun if it has tp be 'splained...

May 27, 2010 4:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please bring David back. You make waaaay more sense when you are David.


May 27, 2010 4:48 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Thanks, Roz.

As you well know, there are times when an alter ego comes in handy...

Like now.

May 27, 2010 5:27 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

Lets see...

Whilst jogging out to the back yard at 7 am to check on the still in the rose garden (happy roses), you got grass clippings on your new shoes. Not wanting to waste anything, you decided to brush the clippings off to use in your dandelion salad, which received a twinkle in the Michelin Guide. When cleaning the subsequent stains off said footwear, you were overcome by Mr. Clean.

The teens quoted are obviously talking about your sister.

May 27, 2010 9:12 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Incidentally. BBQ covers are made for weinies who never actually use the things. Those of us who rassle alligators, strangle anacondas, and catch stray bullets with our teeth, don't need no steenkin' covers.

May 27, 2010 10:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh ya, you 'da man!


May 28, 2010 10:39 AM  

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