May 22, 2010


Sunny Long Weekend, My Arse

I had planned on gardening things today. Really. I was going to get in one of the endless lineups to buy dirt and little plants, but instead I slept in and have now sat here watching reruns of the O.C. Don't say it; I know.

Some of you may have taken part in a little blog discussion around here a few days ago. One of the commenters, Sandy, came over a few days ago and gave me a gorgeous bleeding heart and some black eyed Susans. She took a chunk of rhubarb with her. Ari had raised an eyebrow (he does that frequently, wondering why his mother is such an idiot) and said 'what if 'she' is a Hells Angel or something?'. I told him that if a Hells Angel had some nice bleeding hearts and black eyed Susans strapped to his bike, I'd gladly give him some rhubarb. Ari believes I'll get us all killed someday.

I am cautious in regards to that stuff, actually. Webgod Jeff sent me a link a month ago from that Google Snoop thing, that scoots around taking photos of people's houses and businesses. There was a pic of my house, with Webgod's car out front. That's pretty funny, because he only comes here about twice a year. He thought it would start some great rumours. I thought it would just bring Hells Angels out of the woodwork. Though if they had clippings...

I was taping the CTS show Behind the Story yesterday (airs tomorrow at 7pm), and the producer, Tom, was joking that he could narrow down where I live from the mentions I sprinkle in my columns. Yeah, that didn't sound creepy. As the host proceeded to tell him. Heh. To get even, I said the word 'vagina' during the show, knowing that would send the control room into fits of apoplexy. It did. They're leaving it in. I explained it was a proper body part name, and I proceeded to say things I could have said instead. CTS is the religious network. Every time I show up, they start praying. You should watch it, actually. We had a lot of fun. I made fun of Greeks, Germans, Icelanders, Italians, politicians, oil companies, regulatory bodies, engineers, in-laws, some Jesuit newspaper, Conservatives, Liberals, and the drunk who drove the Exxon Valdez up onto the reef. Twenty years ago. Just another day.

My Mercedes Driving Academy piece ran in the Star today, but there's no link on the Wheels site. I dunno why. The captions on the photos were like this: 'Here's Lorraine doing her impression of a Mercedes race car driver'. 'Here's Lorraine trying to impress her race instructor'. Accompanied by the most unflattering photos of all time. You have to wear a balaclava and a helmet when you're driving. It's really an attractive look. Of course, we didn't wear them in the morning, when I looked far cuter. So my editor sent the photog for the afternoon. When I didn't.


I've been having a lot of fun following the story on Sheila Fraser, our Auditor General having politicians try to shut her down for having the audacity to demand to know how they've spent 540 million of our dollars. That's right: everyone except Gilles Doucette, of the Bloc, has refused to cooperate. Lean in a little closer, if you don't mind. Closer. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Sorry. Got a little yelly there. This is beyond appalling. For over a week, the idiots we elect and pay are refusing to 'fess up to how they spend over half a billion tax dollars. Which means exactly one thing: they're spending it all on prostitutes and tiaras. Mark my words. When this finally comes out, I will be closer than most on my prediction. Prostitutes and tiaras.

That photo isn't of Sheila Fraser. It's me,being sporty at the track. Or not. But I can't figure out how to make the pic go to the right spot, so unless Webgod wanders over and fixes it, it'll have to do.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Huh... The first photo in the article on the driving school thingy makes you look like a nun.

In a Mercedes.

Who says there's no money in religion? Mind you... driving a bunch of Merdedes around Mosport is awful damn (er.... "darned") close to religion.

May 22, 2010 7:50 PM  
Anonymous B1 said...

I've been saying for years that Gilles Duceppe was the best of any of the party leaders, and that I'd vote for him if I could. Maybe I'll start a Bloc rump movement to have SouWestO secede....

Funny stuff, Cat.

May 23, 2010 9:56 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

(Waves to B1...)

B1 isn't a vitamin, he's an awesome writer. Thanks for dropping by...

Oh, and you too, Chris.

May 23, 2010 10:05 AM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

At my old house, people always gave directions by describing how many cars and what kind were in the driveway. I usually had two on the go. The cabbie would say, " oh the place with the orange and green cudas.I know where it is." Today they stay hidden inside a garage. The fact that CTS keeps bringing you back tells me they know they're out of touch on some things. They know it and are doing something about it. Good compromise. Was cleaning up a spare room and came across pics of my last dog. I aged 11 years by the time I left the room. I hate pictures sometimes.

May 23, 2010 11:36 AM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

I come over at least 4 times a year, thank you very much.

May 24, 2010 9:38 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

To collect?
Or to flip her mouse back over?

DJW

May 26, 2010 11:49 AM  

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