June 29, 2010


CHCH Live@5:30

Kid cut from the team? Why, you sue of course!

Really?

Join us today on CHCH 11, Live@5:30. Repeat at 11:30....

June 26, 2010


Jon Gnarr - Wave of the Future?

One of my pet international topics, Iceland, is back in the news. After going belly up two years ago (a precursor for much of the rest of the world, except we don't have gnomes), Iceland's capital, Reykjavik, has just elected a new mayor. Fourth in four years. But this guy, Jon Gnarr is a comedian. A television personality, a former musician, and his wife's best friend is Bjork.

"Mr. Gnarr, born in Reykjavik as Jon Gunnar Kristinsson to a policeman and a kitchen worker, was not a model child. At 11, he decided school was useless to his future as a circus clown or pirate and refused to learn any more. At 13, he stopped going to class and joined Reykjavik’s punk scene. At 14, he was sent to a boarding school for troubled teenagers and stayed until he was 16, when he left school for good."

While he doesn't have a ruling majority, he has said he won't form a coalition with any other party that hasn't watched all 5 seasons of The Wire.

Dunno about you, but I can think of way worse requirements to be a major politician. Or even a circus clown or pirate.

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June 25, 2010


Make It Stop

Take yer flags off yer damn cars. I mean it. If I see one more waving stupid flag fluttering from your car, I'm going to scream.

I just wrestled home along congested streets/highways. I just watched an idiot in a Fusion lock up his breaks to avoid slamming into the rear of a car, predictably stopped at a red light, because the man driving was pointing and arguing with his passenger about which flag had just gone by. I kid you not. I could see them pointing and trying to decide if Switzerland was still in the Cup, or if the Red Cross had fielded a team, and he came thisclose to causing a collision.

I do not like ornamentation of any kind on a car. Do not put deer antlers on your car at Christmas. Do not wrap it up like a present. A car is a means of transportation. I don't care if you have babies on board, I think we all want our troops home, and I'm sure everyone would like to end breast cancer. You decorate your homes, your self, and a Christmas tree. You do not decorate cars.

I also hate those spinny wheels covers. I don't like pompoms on antennas. Yes, I am a raving madwoman at the moment, but I've just driven for 45 minutes and seen 45 minutes of rush hour traffic distracted by silly accoutrements. Say that with a French accent; that's how I wrote it.

I hope your team wins. I really do. Go wild, go crazy, buy a t-shirt, run naked down the street. But take the silly flags off your cars and hang 'em in your garage or in your kid's room. People in cars are distracted by enough crap these days; don't give someone another reason to run into you, or anyone else.

June 21, 2010


Giles Coren

This restaurant review is awesome.

This is how to write reviews I would read. I would read anything reviewed like this.


Nova Scotia Says 'Hi'

Really. It's almost like it would. People are so fricking nice out there. I had a friend along from Florida. At the end of our week in the RV, she looked at me and said 'I haven't heard any horns'. Nobody honks at you here. She was dumbfounded that in downtown Halifax at rush hour, people let others in, refused to block cross streets, and never ran red lights.

I told her it was the way of our people, to quote another friend, Janie. Indeed. Though I'm certain that this will not even remotely resemble downtown Toronto as it gussies up for Harper's Darksuit Follies, the G20.

A billion dollars, eh? A fake lake? Hell, they all could have come to my cottage for a lot less. Sure, it's a little tight, but with the bunks and the pull out mattress, we could have squished 20 of 'em into the place. A little short G20er could have taken the love seat. And we have enough pillows. The deal of course is the same as my family - you get your own breakfast, I'll be in charge of dinner. If Germany and France start arguing over money, they'll be doing dishes. Anyone who talks soccer (or footy) will be sent to the dock to look for kindling for tonight's fire. I'm sure we can free up some sleeping room by sending a bunch of them on a walk. Lots of trees, trails, and bears. The bears are cool. And unlike the press centre that cost 2 million bucks, the bears are genuine and free. And hungry. That'll get the numbers down.

Bah. Enough of that. I just had an awesome week in an awesome province in an awesome 'mobile. Brand new 30 footer - yes, extravagant, but we spent the whole time in it and sampled the best that Nova Scotia has to offer. Gorgeous place, terrific people. Write ups will follow. I'd planned to check in, but after getting Christopher to download hours of 'old lady music' onto my iPhone for me, I dashed out of here to the airport - and my iPhone sat on the counter. No email, no phone, no nothing. My girlfriend Jodi had a laptop, but it was easy to ignore it. There was only service in a couple of areas, and it's great to see how fast you can love not being wired in all the time.

When I left, I'd had a lovely manicure done. My first one ever. After a week of plugging in the various cords on the RV every day (power, water and thunder hose), the Poor Sod noted I now have a redneck manicure. I prefer the term 'hillbilly manicure'. Either way, it looks like crap.

Kids are wrapping up the school year, exams start tomorrow, I'm behind on work, and it's a busy week. I see that many of you kept the place hopping with your inane comments in my absence. Good to know I attract a general freakshow. Makes me feel speshul.

So - what have y'all been doing? (Picked up a little Southern from Jodi, my RVing partner....)

June 11, 2010


I Have Been Remiss...



Bad Blogger.

I've been busy. Spent the last couple of days letting Volkswagen spoil me in downtown Toronto and Niagara on the Lake. It was lovely. And stop frowning. It was work. I took that pic of the rose two nights ago...gorgeous. They plant roses at the ends of the rows of grapevines; the rose bloom in June, and depending on the condition of the flower, they can figure out if there are soil acidity problems and treat it before the grapes come in in September. See? Working....

I leave Sunday, early, for Nova Scotia. Flying to Halifax to toot around the province in an RV, much like last year's trek to the Yukon. If I can get some internet on the road and mooch a laptop, I'll post, but it'll be hit or miss. These trips can get totally out of hand, and journos have been known to wander off course...

In the meantime, go take a boo once more at these great pics from last year's trip. Nova Scotia promises to be just as gorgeous, but I still highly recommend our northern neighbours.

June 4, 2010


How Many Times Do I Have To Tell These Idiots - I am the Winner!

When I was about 7 or 8, there was a kid at school who had the best stuff. An only child, everything he had was new. I remember this, because everything I had was hand-me-down. It didn't bother me much - it also meant our garage was full of kid equipment - but seeing a kid with a new baseball bat or a new bicycle still poked at that little part of my heart that once, just once, wanted to clip the tags off of something.

Of course another kid having new stuff was nearly as good. You can hardly play baseball or tetherball on your own. So Robbie would swan into the school yard with his new stuff, and if he wanted to play, he had to let us play too. The fact Robbie was lousy at sports wasn't lost on us; but we wanted to use that stuff, so we let him play. Unused to not being the best (only kids, by default, are the best in their households), he'd sulk and pout and eventually take that shiny stuff and go home. We'd shrug, and go back to our worn out leather mitts with someone else's name written on them, our bats that weighed enough to take out a burglar's lights (my Dad told me that was why he kept that bat beside the bed), and our crappy little softballs with the unraveled stitching.

Robbie believed that if he left, the game was over. He was wrong. But I do think I need to go check my class pictures more carefully, to see if Robbie grew up to be Prime Minister. I had a little deja vu this morning as I read Stephen Harper's remarks about 'losers don't get to govern'. With talk of a coalition heating up again (you know, that majority of voters who didn't vote for Harper) as opposition parties dare to discuss - gasp - getting along. Harper has reminded those of us who forgot our schoolyard days that 'winners are the ones who form government'. I love his phrasing. It is most excellent. I haven't rolled such a stupid statement around in my head since George W. reminded us he was the decider.

So we get Harper being both the decider and the winner. And we all know what happens if those 'losers' get a little too stroppy for Harper: he cancels the government, takes his bat and ball and goes home. To a place where he is still the best, still the smartest, and still gets all of his artwork hung on the fridge.

Such a proud moment for Canadians, as their leader conveniently points out the winners and losers for those of us unfamiliar with the democratic process. And it's a good thing he was saying all this with Britain's recently installed new 'winner' by his side, who has taken giant strides to working with the 'losers'. Starting with not calling them losers, I'm guessing.

Stop pouting, Stephen. It's almost as unattractive as proroguing parliament.

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Women Drivers...

Why, oh why, couldn't one of these clips just once be a guy? Click for the result of 'just one vodka cranberry....honest....'

June 1, 2010


Turn the Beat Around

Somebody has to say it. Might as well be me.

CTV has some new shows they're promoting. One of them is some dancin' show. With dancers. Young dancers, apparently drawn from one of them dancin' shows that I don't watch. Which is all fine; I'd far rather see real dancers who can kind of act, then real actors who can kind of dance. But anyway. The promotional spots for the show use the CTV news anchor - which is where this all falls down. It's like some old dude pretending to be all energetic about the show. 'Turn the beat around!' he emotes, sounding like my father asking what kids today listen to on the radio. Sigh. CTV? Promote the show with someone who sounds like they might watch the show. Haul one of the free summer interns you have floating around the newsroom onto the mic. Trust me on this.

CIL has ads for their new paints, that apparently have little symbols to prove they will go together. Really? We need garanimals for paint now? What happened with just sliding up and down the little paint strip? Was that really so hard? Guess so. Sigh.

Flicked on Oprah (shudder) to watch Sarah explain why she offered up her ex-husband for big money. Except she's telling me about it in the third person. I hate when people do that. And I don't believe anything they tell me 'she' did. I also hate people who say 'one would not be sure'...you know, using 'one' like that. Lorraine doesn't like these habits, as one would expect.




This is a sinkhole that opened up in Guatemala City after tropical storm Agatha ripped through. Wow. It swallowed a three story building and a house.