June 4, 2010

How Many Times Do I Have To Tell These Idiots - I am the Winner!

When I was about 7 or 8, there was a kid at school who had the best stuff. An only child, everything he had was new. I remember this, because everything I had was hand-me-down. It didn't bother me much - it also meant our garage was full of kid equipment - but seeing a kid with a new baseball bat or a new bicycle still poked at that little part of my heart that once, just once, wanted to clip the tags off of something.

Of course another kid having new stuff was nearly as good. You can hardly play baseball or tetherball on your own. So Robbie would swan into the school yard with his new stuff, and if he wanted to play, he had to let us play too. The fact Robbie was lousy at sports wasn't lost on us; but we wanted to use that stuff, so we let him play. Unused to not being the best (only kids, by default, are the best in their households), he'd sulk and pout and eventually take that shiny stuff and go home. We'd shrug, and go back to our worn out leather mitts with someone else's name written on them, our bats that weighed enough to take out a burglar's lights (my Dad told me that was why he kept that bat beside the bed), and our crappy little softballs with the unraveled stitching.

Robbie believed that if he left, the game was over. He was wrong. But I do think I need to go check my class pictures more carefully, to see if Robbie grew up to be Prime Minister. I had a little deja vu this morning as I read Stephen Harper's remarks about 'losers don't get to govern'. With talk of a coalition heating up again (you know, that majority of voters who didn't vote for Harper) as opposition parties dare to discuss - gasp - getting along. Harper has reminded those of us who forgot our schoolyard days that 'winners are the ones who form government'. I love his phrasing. It is most excellent. I haven't rolled such a stupid statement around in my head since George W. reminded us he was the decider.

So we get Harper being both the decider and the winner. And we all know what happens if those 'losers' get a little too stroppy for Harper: he cancels the government, takes his bat and ball and goes home. To a place where he is still the best, still the smartest, and still gets all of his artwork hung on the fridge.

Such a proud moment for Canadians, as their leader conveniently points out the winners and losers for those of us unfamiliar with the democratic process. And it's a good thing he was saying all this with Britain's recently installed new 'winner' by his side, who has taken giant strides to working with the 'losers'. Starting with not calling them losers, I'm guessing.

Stop pouting, Stephen. It's almost as unattractive as proroguing parliament.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent comparison!
Can we mess up his hair? Has the man ever been in a windstorm? Does that hair move at all?
I don't like him, I don't trust him, but the bigger problem is that the alternatives aren't that great either.
Why don't you run Lorraine?

June 04, 2010 10:55 AM  
Anonymous jmd said...

Great idea! I'll write your campaign slogans, like-

Vote for Lorraine and nobody gets hurt.

Sommerfeld - How much worse could it be?

Do I have a job?

June 04, 2010 11:19 AM  
Anonymous nd said...

did you see that photo of stevie with david cameron at downing street. stevie looks like a vampire. seriously, check out this photo


well, he is a blood sucker anyway.

lorraine, i think you should run.

June 04, 2010 12:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If not for Harpers job, how about mayor? We need to get rid of that used car salesman too!

June 04, 2010 1:07 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

You people really don't like me much, do ya?

So. I'll become a politician. I'll go start practicing my lying now.

"Kids, I'm making dinner tonight!"

June 04, 2010 1:26 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Oh, and 'Sommerfeld: How much worse could it be?'....hahahahahahaa

June 04, 2010 1:28 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

You could combine politics with your writing career...

"Sommerfeld will drive you around the bend."

"A vote for Sommerfeld is a vote for a still in your neighbour's garden."

"Don't Harp(er) on the past. Look to the future. Vote Sommerfeld."

"You don't have to be homely looking and over-weight to win. Skinny kids with glasses can be winners too. Vote Sommerfeld"

Good thing it's a weekend. Where's the Star's editorial number when I need it?

June 04, 2010 10:54 PM  
Anonymous B1 said...

Pfffft. Harpoon's comment the other day made me shake my head. Far as I'm concerned, if he didn't win a majority, then HE'S a loser too.

Arrogant twerp.

As for a career in politics, wouldn't it be cool to have someone who is articulate, witty and principled in elected office? LS for PM.

June 05, 2010 1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh come on everyone...
Please face facts. Mr. Harper has done an admirable job under difficult circumstances and he deserves our attention and respect. Of course there is a group of socialists and assorted lefties who dislike him mostly due to his support of business and the USA, but very many of us voters love the guy and the job he's doing. Be careful of the election that some wish for, because I believe it will lead to a Conservative majority and when it occurs, the party at my place will be nonstop. Rather than going on and on about what's wrong with Mr. Harper ( he isn't perfect), why don't we celebrate how he's brought new international respect to our nation, and how he leads by leading, rather than by consultation

June 05, 2010 9:17 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Yeah, his stance on ignoring the role that abortion needs to play in reproductive rights in countries that use rape as a tool of war, against all advice from virtually every advisory council inside, and outside, the country is bringing us heaps of respect.

His refusal to address climate concerns at that party he's throwing at our expense - that would be the G20 - is fabulous too.

Stephen Harper is running his own agenda, and he's doing it behind closed doors.

The fact Canada hasn't had its banks take a nose dive in this economy has little to do with Harper, and much to do with the consistent conservative nature of Canada for generations - back before 'conservative' didn't stand for a rape and plundering of the middle class.

He's spending that 'international respect' like some kind of capital he has earned. He hasn't. He merely lucked into the kitty.

June 05, 2010 9:25 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Sing it, Sistah!

June 06, 2010 12:15 PM  

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