July 9, 2010


Warped Family Conversation

So, Christopher and I are in the kitchen. I have Oprah on the little TV as I work. He is making a bunch of hotdogs - he just opens a new package, and throws them all on the BBQ. It's just him and Ari eating them.

On Oprah, she is interviewing family members of serial killer John Wayne Gacy. Christer and I have a back and forth about the fact that so many murderers have the middle name 'Wayne'.
"Really?" asks Christopher.
"Really," I reply.
"How do you know that?"
"I know everything."

I don't, but that is an actual fact. And it's the kind of fact I really, really like, so I remember it. I cannot remember algebra or physics or when Magellan found whatever it is he found, but I remember that.

Gacy's sister recounted his childhood. "He wasn't a normal boy," she states. "He liked cooking and gardening."

Christer looks up. "Guess that means Ari is gonna be a serial killer," he says, spreading relish on his bun.
"Shut up. It does not," I reply.
"Well, he likes to cook. So, serial killer."
"I can tell you right now he will never be a serial killer."
"What about me?" he asks, bun held in mid-air.
"Not a chance. You're too lazy," I told him.
"Awesome. You know I'm not gonna be a serial killer because I'm lazy? Great mom."
"Think about it," I told him.
"Yeah, you're right. I'd tell someone else to do it for me," he finishes.

Do you know where your children are?

3 Comments:

Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

If he was REALLY lazy he wouldn't open the package of hot dogs before putting them all on the BBQ.

Keep a very close eye on your gardening tools.

July 09, 2010 5:11 PM  
Anonymous jmd said...

Judging by the number of hotdogs your boys can eat, have you thought of entering them in the Extreme Eating circuit? It would cut down on the grocery bills, and maybe score some prize money.

July 10, 2010 9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

notice how your esteemed followers are more affected by your kids eating habits then they are by the risk of one of them becoming a serial killer?

Aunt Roz

July 11, 2010 11:56 AM  

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