August 11, 2010


I'm due for a rant. Why doesn't matter.

With the boys home all day, I'm not writing as much as I should be. I have carved the start date for two new projects into my calender. It is always 'tomorrow'. It is never 'today'. So, the TV is on more than it should be. I snap it off in frustration (my little TV doesn't get high channels, so I can't find anything down low. If you have any ideas, let me know). It's the ads, mostly.

There's an American channel that runs commercials out of the Buffalo area. Are people from Buffalo stupid? Cuz if the ads are any indication, they're all brain dead morons. Insurance companies promising you the bare minimum coverage. Do you people get how insurance works? It's like a big pool. Smart companies try to hedge their bets - literally - in charging premiums. They're 'betting' that most people won't have claims, and charge the idiots who are likely to have claims, more. Now. These companies advertising that they will take you no matter how stupid you are? THAT MEANS ALL THEIR CUSTOMERS ARE STUPID. JUST LIKE YOU. THAT MEANS YOUR RATES ARE GOING TO BE STUPID-HIGH. Get it?

But, if you have a car, apparently, and you live in this part of New York state (it might be Georgia - I don't really listen), you're in extra super duper luck. If you need money, this other company will meet you in a dark alley and loan you money as long as you hold the pink slip to your car. Wow. That's just awesome! Instant money! Let's go get pizza and drugs! In our car that now HAS A LIEN AGAINST IT.

There's some new show on. It has Betty White in it, so I watched it. It has Valerie Bertinelli in it, who mercifully went away after that dumb show with the janitor and and her crackhead sister and her whining mother in the 80s. Anyway. After a bunch of weight loss commercials made her famous again, she got this show. She's still annoying. Sorry Betty.

I made a roast yesterday. That went well, actually. So, that little tidbit doesn't belong in this rant.

Because hydro rates have gone sky high, I'm trying desperately to clamp down on the household hydro consumption. That's kinda hard: I'm already Al Sommerfeld's daughter, which means I'm cheap as hell when it comes to this stuff. I've tried to shift doing laundry to the off hours they suggest. They think that's weekends. Bull. My off hours are during the day, so I don't have to burn my weekends doing laundry. And, I can't wait a week to do laundry, or our basement will look like an episode of Hoarders. Well, more like one.

Oh, and hydro? Bite me. Seriously. I bought the fancy front loaders. I bought the twisty bulbs. I have ceiling fans all over. I have an awning. Stone floor. We wear slippers. I replaced the freezer. And the fridge. I try to never use the oven. We turn off monitors, I unplug things, I hum to myself instead of playing music, I replaced the garage door with an insulated one and I never water the grass. And what do I get? A bill that hurtles skyward, no matter what. I hate you.

Cell phone companies? Get in line behind hydro.
Cable and internet? Yup. You too.

I need a new tub and surround. We have one bathroom. I need it done in one day. And do not suggest that stupid ripoff crap where they put a big acrylic liner over your old tub and say 'ta da!'. I got quoted 3,000 bucks for that nonsense. I may be angry; I'm not stupid.

My late, lovely mother had this carpeting glued to top of my front porch. It is terribly ugly. It is also, apparently, permanent. We've tried scraping, solvents and every other recommended procedure. Do you think I'd get in trouble for soaking it in lighter fluid and just lighting it on fire?

Oh, and even though it's common to bitch about customer service, the past few days we've had fabulous help in all kinds of places. The health card office, the Shoe Factory on Fairview Street, and my blue box/garbage guys who don't fling the containers all over. Thank you. It would be wonderful to have a federal government who was as courteous in delivering what I wanted, as opposed to cramming their agenda down my throat when they think I'm not looking, while whistling "When We Get Behind Closed Doors".

Don't clean your bathroom with a bleach spray cleaner while you're wearing your good jeans, the new cute ones from American Eagle.

Now. Someone come and make dinner for my kids. Christer has just polished off the last of that 6 pound roast. But he'll be hungry again soon.

I need my kitchen cabinets painted.


Anonymous Sarah said...

This probably isn't a good time to mention my empty nest, is it?

Sorry about the bleach spray. But I really do love that shit... and I've ruined a few articles of clothing using it too.

August 11, 2010 5:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I completely agree with your take on the one day rip off company. We also only have one bathroom and are in the same boat as far as getting it done in one day.

We had a company rep stop by our house last fall ... he acted like he was doing us a HUGE favour just by showing up. Told us it would be in the low $3000's and told us he didn't really care one way or the other whether we agreed with the price. Apparently they have so many customers lining up to fork over the dough for this company's services that this "rep" is very secure in his belief that if you don't sign on the dotted line the next guy will.

We figured that if the sales rep did such a lousy job getting our order, the installers probably couldn't care less either. (Not to mention future repairs and/or problems.)

We got new windows instead. Not a solution to the bathroom remodel, but I love my new windows!

August 11, 2010 7:32 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Lovely rant.Mercer would approve. I always liked Schneider, the janitor in Valerie's first show. He looked like a low rent version of Victor from Young and Restless. I picture Victor acting as Schnieder sometimes and have hysterical fits of laughter picturing him coming on to Valerie or planning to eliminate his rivals in the handyman trade.Crazy but no one has locked me up...yet.

August 11, 2010 7:43 PM  
Blogger Nursedude said...

Don't forget to say a special prayer for the Dalton gang at Queens Park while you fork over that extra 8% in taxes for your cable, hydro, gas etc.
A perfect rant!

Better start learning to hold your breath cuz as soon as they figure out how to administer it you'll be paying a tax on that too!

BTW: It's power down day and I have my a/c cranked and all my fans running. Why don't they have power down day to the spring/fall when we can do without heat/air conditioning?

August 11, 2010 8:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice rant.. sounds like your having my kinda day..

I have to fix my leaky basement..

Take a deep breath... $14.000 Bones..yup read right 14 thousand dollars...

Oh and Lorraine, by the way, no matter how hard you try to change your hydro bill.. you are paying those huge rates because of industry.

If you actually sat down and figured it out.. to actually run your house should only run about 30 bucks...




August 12, 2010 12:44 AM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

I haven't been able to "find anything down low" for years. The reception is always so... um... fuzzy down there. At this point I'd be happy with any channel that was clear.

"We will never check your credit rating" really means "run as far away as possible."

August 12, 2010 9:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I now have four bathrooms in my house, three of them with showers and two of those are really, really old and need to be renovated. I looked at those inserts thinking that the one day thing would be great and I don't need anything fancy, just something to keep the water in the tub and out of the walls. Not happening. Too expensive and just don't look that good.
On another rant note, I got poison ivy two weeks ago, in my front yard! Had no idea and it wasn't until days later when I was itchy beyond belief and my bug bites (so I thought) started to blister and then new spots began to emerge on my face and arms and feet that I went to the clinic and was diagnosed with it. This is the first time I have been noted as being allergic to anything. This is absolutely awful, I haven't slept a full night in over two weeks and every morning is like Christmas as I wake up and go investigate what new spots have shown up overnight.
You want to talk about crusty? My teenagers are keeping a really wide berth and actually went ahead and did some laundry and cleaned the bathrooms after a single request. I don't think I've snapped but am so close.
The only place for full relief is the swimming pool. I tried the bath but since tubs are made for kids and not adults it is impossible to submerge your entire body. My next bathroom I'm buying the biggest, deepest tub I can get so that someday I can have a real bath.....or maybe I should just go get a hot tub. How much more hydro would that cost me?

August 12, 2010 9:33 AM  
Blogger marcelleqb said...

have you tried a heat gun on the carpet? A real one, not a hair dryer.

August 16, 2010 11:54 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I wish I still had my heat gun. I had one years ago, but they said it was illegal or some such nonsense.

That said, after a move I couldn't find it anyway. But it was so much fun!

You're right - maybe I'll find one to mooch, and give it a shot.

Oh, and nice crack about the hair dryer;)

August 16, 2010 11:58 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home