August 9, 2010


Oh! THAT World Wide Web!

Oy. I'm sitting on hold. Again. Ari's health card expires in a few weeks. Believe me; I'm clutching onto my old red and white card (with no expiry) like a madwoman. Anyway. I've gone through this before with Christer, last year. It's a pain in the arse.

Because Burlington is so small and remote (no, it's not) we have the choice of driving to Oakville or downtown Hamilton to get the card renewed. I seriously want to know what people who do who can't drive. It's crazy.

I choose Oakville for two reasons: the office is located in a big shopping plaza thing that's easy to park in. Hamilton? The office is right downtown. You pay for parking, if you can find it, and when I went there to renew my passport one year I made the mistake of going first thing in the morning. There is a liquor store on the ground level, with big metal barricades across it. The second the store opens, I was trampled by the alkies rushing in for their oversized cans of Steeler beer that they paid for with quarters and dimes. It was not a nice experience. It mucked with my suburban minivan driving sensibilities.

I've had the renewal notice for months now. I finally hauled it down, poked the kid awake at the crack of 1pm, and told him we were going. I glanced at the sheet. You can go on line and book an appointment. This is new. Just last year, it was still go in, take a number like at the deli, then sit around a close, hot little room ringed with chairs and pretend not to stare at people. An appointment. Wow. So I went to the website.

All that came up was goobledygook. I carefully checked each keystroke. More nonsense. Sighing, I called the 800 number, and waited. And waited. After ten minutes, I was informed you can't make an appointment for Mondays. Figuring we'd take our chances, Ari and I piled into the van anyway. I'd assembled his ID and the forms. All he needed was his card. Which he now carries in his wallet. As I swung onto the highway, I asked if he had his wallet. He widened his eyes.

Off we came at the next ramp, and headed home. Now I am crabby. The roads are full of old people in Buicks cutting me off. I'd planned on getting our number and waiting it out at a restaurant in the plaza, and I wanted that coffee.

I explained to Ari that he had to call and make the appointment. I told him to do it the second we got in; I wanted it for midday tomorrow because of traffic. He nodded firmly, came in the house, petted the cat and started making sandwiches.

As I sit here on hold, something occurs to me. A pleasant little lady voice is giving me a recorded message, first in English, then in French. She is telling me go to the gobbledygook website, spelling it out 'double ewe double ewe double ewe dot service canada dot ca slash appointment' Then in French : 'duuble vey duuble vey duuble vey....'.

Can we not lose the 'www'? Please? Nine extra syllables that surely must be implied by now? Or is there a secret web I don't know about? Has Al Gore found another one?

15 Comments:

Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

You don't even need the www anymore. Go ahead, type in lorraineonline.ca into your browser...

August 09, 2010 3:02 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I'm busy whining.

August 09, 2010 3:03 PM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

I'm just attesting to the fact that nobody needs to say, or use www anymore...

August 09, 2010 3:06 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Is Lorraine using IE? Hold that thought; I guess WGJ would know...

Been writing ads for radio now for at least a couple of years without the w3 -- saves time + $$.

And I'm guessing, judging by the apparent preponderance of Buick, we know where GMs sales increase has hit.

August 09, 2010 3:07 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I'm just attesting to the fact that Webgod does come back to check on here...

But yes. We need to tell our stupid government to lose the WWW.

I don't know what IE is. Ask Jeff. He's hovering around, waiting to smack me.

August 09, 2010 3:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get all the paperwork and drop the boy off. He can wait and call you when he is done while you enjoy your coffee, then maybe shop for some shoes while he sits in that little room. Then he might realize that making an appointment would have been a good idea.

August 09, 2010 3:10 PM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

I'm always in the background. Like a ninja.

IE is Internet Explorer. Yes, you use it. As long as it's not IE6, I don't care...

...like a ninja...

August 09, 2010 3:26 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Webgod Ninja?

August 09, 2010 3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hold on a sec; the Health Card is provided by the provincial government not the federal government so renewals would occur through ServiceOntario and not ServiceCanada. As for the whole "www" thing, I still get my parents asking me if they need to type it first so maybe they're dealing with a whole other target audience with the phone service.

August 09, 2010 5:08 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

ServiceOntario, whatever. I didn't doublecheck the site name, cuz I didn't want any of you trying to visit it. It's broken.

What, I need an editor now on my own blog?

August 09, 2010 5:10 PM  
Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

No that's suppose to be your job...



...like a ninja...

August 09, 2010 9:24 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

That mall is a 10 minute walk (or a 20 minute drive... after all, it IS Oakville) from my house. I came THIS close to giving up my... um... what colour is that thing, pink? No, no, it's just red and white all smushed together. Anyway I came THIS close to getting one of the bright smiley new OHIP cards and I'm sooooo glad I didn't.

All these new-fangled things just annoy me. That's why my next car will have to be a Buick.

August 09, 2010 10:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

its service ontario. you can do it at a kiosk downtown toronto. that has no lines. i did it twice.

oh sorry. did that hurt?

sorry. i am having a terrible day at work. my misery was getting lonely.

August 10, 2010 12:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

still using internet explorer??!? switching to at least Mozilla or Google chrome is way better - quicker plus less junk! also with google chrome you don't need to actually go to google to google things you just type away at the top - and you can set your homepage as 6 little windows that will directly link you to the pages you visit the most instead of linking at the top or bookmarking!

August 10, 2010 6:43 PM  
Blogger Nursedude said...

Actually...you can do the multiple home pages on start up with IE and Firefox as well.

August 11, 2010 8:43 PM  

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