August 10, 2010

Yay! Yay! Yay!

It'll be everywhere by noon, if it isn't already. Steven Slater, a flight attendant for JetBlue working out of New York, finally had had enough.

A passenger ignored warnings and got up early to find his suitcase in the overhead. Slater told him to sit down. He ignored him. Slater got bonked with the suitcase. He then grabbed the mic and let loose. Called the idiot a m.............r, hit the button for the inflatable chute, grabbed a beer from the bar cart, slid out of the plane, hopped in his car and went home.

I have never been on a flight where I didn't totally expect someone to do this.

Really. People behave like idiots on airplanes, and the staff have to put up with so much crap, for hours and hours, on their feet, and they never get to call anyone a m..............r. Well, out loud at least.

I admit I am a passive airplane rider. I sit where I'm supposed to. I keep my seatbelt done up at all times. All you need is one unexpected jolt of turbulence, and you're jammed into the ceiling of the plane. Planes are like cars, no matter how big they are.

But I have seen the worst behaviour in people on planes. Entitlement; rudeness; childishness (not from the children); ignorance. My favourite are the class clowns. The idiots who are perched in business pretending they paid for it. If I'm in there, you better believe I didn't pay for it. And I'm too lousy a liar to pretend. But you see others who are pretending, making all kinds of stupid demands just cuz they can. If they could see me, I'd roll my eyes. But those seats are configured usually so you can't see anyone else.

Exiting a plane is essentially a funnel. It takes approximately 30 seconds to get your bag down from the overhead. As the people at the front - where the doors are - get their stuff, they leave. They can only do this when the doors are open. It's magic, really.

So if you decide to stand up to get your bag while the plane is still taxiing to the little shooter ramp, you win! You got your bag down first! And now I have to sit here with your arse in my face as you wait for - yes - all those other people in the earlier rows to get their bags down (30 seconds each) and funnel out.

See, when I see you jolt up and risk life and limb to get your carry on down, when I defend myself from your swinging laptop bag that is now gouging my eyes out, I think to myself, "Wow. That must be a very important person."

No, I'm kidding. Hahahahaaa. I don't think that at all. I just think you're an asshole.

Siddown. You're a menace. You won't be left behind on this plane unless you pass out in the bathroom or something. And even then, they'll find you. And you can sprint past everyone in the corridor to the airport, so you'll still win the race and get the first prize: first to join the previous line of 400 people waiting to clear customs, first cab (thought there are always dozens), first in the line at the whirly luggage thing (where I'm totally sure the luggage bangers are making sure they put your Samsonite up first. Wait. No they're not. What comes out first are always lumpy hockey bags and someone's backpack.)

I'm aware that what Steven Slater did was wrong. Totally can't blame the man - I've seen too many drunken idiots on 2 hour flights get drunk at 10am, refuse to stay in their seats, stick their bare feet in the aisle and leave garbage all over the place. People can be rude.

But I still hope that airlines start serving a new drink: The Slater.

I'd have one of those.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

So now that every detail about this man has hit the media, who is going to find out who the asshole was that was the catalyst for this?

August 10, 2010 10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha...i saw this article today morning and laughed. funny. i want to do that too.

August 10, 2010 12:04 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

He can always work for Snakes On a Plane Airlines.

August 10, 2010 2:59 PM  

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