September 21, 2010

Alright, You Little Ratbaggers...

So you found a quiet night in our court to rifle through everyone's cars. And you found not just one, but two of ours left open. We never leave them open. Well, obviously we do, but rarely. I'm stupid.

It hasn't happened for a few years. I'd assumed the stupid neighbourhood kid who used to do it had moved on to bigger things - snatching purses from old ladies, maybe, or trying to run stolen credit cards. They always start with nicking money from their mother's wallets - I guarantee it. Of course ten years ago, they were digging through our ashtrays looking for change. Now I know it's about cell phones and iPods.

We'd left nothing in the cars; but there is something you need to know, you little reprobate: Christer is usually up at strange hours. Really strange hours. His bedroom is on the front of the house. He has his window open. He's 6'3". He blocks the sun if he stands in front of you. And he's pissed.


Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

I would so love to rent Christopher for a few weeks (we have a 5 burner BBQ and buy all our meat at Costco.) We get the same band of hooligans roaming our street from time to time and I would give my left test... er... arm, ya that's it... my left arm, to pit him and my sledge hammer against the band of doofuss's (doofi?) who find it so much fun to do. They actually went in the side garage door one night and I found the driver's door and trunk of my car in the garage open the next day. Nothing taken (the car payments preclude having anything worth stealing in the house, let alone the car) but ooooo ya... I was severely pissed too.

You have my sympathies. Put a baby monitor in the cars and then in Christopher's room.

September 21, 2010 6:07 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

Boy Thing is also 6'3", size 18 shoe.
He also sleeps on the main floor, front of the house.

A few months ago he didn't hear a truck hit the house across the street at 1:00 am, 40 feet from his window.

Teenage boys are undisturbable.

Might be better just to leave a pair of his shoes on the porch.


September 21, 2010 6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In our little town the local paper is always running stories of cars being entered and things stolen. The lowest common denominator in all these incidents is that the cars have been left UNLOCKED. I'm lobbying our local candidates to pass a bylaw to allow fines for people who don't lock their vehicles. I can't even begin to guess at how many man hours have been wasted responding and investigating these easily preventable thefts.

September 21, 2010 10:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

blurrrppppp to Anonymous..

we all have days where we forget something.

that is just what we need, another silly law, that will keep the law abiding in check, so that the smucks can run amuck... again... blurrpppppp.

September 22, 2010 1:02 AM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Huh... Anonymous1 I applaud your energy. While you're lobbying your candidates I think you should add a bylaw that would fine people for for not wearing underwear. Little undies take far less water to wash than pants and people who go commando have to wash their pants more frequently which uses more of our precious resources and causes more pollution. I think that one should be a felony.

If you have NEVER EVER forgotten to lock your car you're a far better... um... whatever it is that you are, than me. And the rest of the world.


September 22, 2010 9:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well said Chris. Anonymous1 is projecting the typical "blame the victim" attitude. When will people learn that it's actually the CRIMINAL who's responsible for the crime, not the owner who has the right to treat their own property whichever way they choose...locked or unlocked, my property belongs to me, and you're not allowed to break into and/or steal from it.

- Anonymous3

September 22, 2010 12:51 PM  
Anonymous Alysha said...

You should get a cardboard cutout of him and put it on your porch. That should do the trick - and on Hallowe'en too!

September 27, 2010 3:54 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

A propos of absolutely nothing, except the head for Lorraine's post, I have a Hotmail account I have had for more years than I can remember (even before Al Gore invented the Internet.) It's an account I rarely use, but it is... ratbag_x@

Ratbag is a term of endearment from very early MPFC days or perhaps even David Frosts's TWTWTW...

September 28, 2010 2:10 PM  

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