September 8, 2010

Crabbyapplesauce Face for Wednesday

I haven't made it off the first page of my paper today. Like it wasn't bad enough that I got about 90 minutes sleep (and no, not all at once, but thanks for asking), only to have Ari whisper to me "it's raining" and give me that darling little wide-eyed look that has worked since he was born. I drove him to school. Once back home, I just put on the kettle and decided to let the paper cheer me up. Ha!

First, because nothing commemorates a solemn anniversary like a book burnin', the Yahoo Congregation of Gainesville, Florida is prepping to burn the Qur'an (Koran) on 9/11 - Saturday. I don't care who or what you pray to, it's like someone took a handful of stupid, molded it into the shape of a man, gave it an ignorant pipe, an intolerant nose and two eyes made out of dumb. I'm talking to you, Rev. Terry Jones. Maybe there is a Danish cartoonist who can record this for you.

Further down...the amateur hockey league has introduced more stringent rules for their coaches. Things like fingerprinting and checking for sexual predators. I wrote a column about this back in April. And got spanked in a letter to the editor from the the John Howard Society. Because I think it's a nice thing for the grownups in this world to do anything they can to protect the children in this world. I'm overreacting. Yeah. I'd say waiting until the eve of hockey season to put into place the directives to protect 7,000 kids is somewhat of an under-reaction. But at least they're doing it. Ask Sheldon Kennedy if it's an over-reaction.

From book burning to weeding out the diddlers, I wasn't prepared for the best headline of all: Hazel McCallion is running for mayor again. Geez. This is a cornucopia of fun. I'm sure she's been following the Rob Ford stuff avidly, and has obviously figured out that it doesn't matter how many times you hurtle yourself down Mount Doofus or Mount Conflict of Interest, you can still plant your landing at the bottom and scream 'ta da!'. At 89, she's still game, even if the stench surrounding her and her son's business dealings is simply more gamy. But hey, if both her and Ford get in, it's gonna be one helluva fun tennis match to watch from the 'burbs.

I said that like we don't have our own problems. Sigh.

Since my arm is already up there, patting myself on the back for my psychic abilities on the background checks, let's go back even further. I wrote a column waaaaaaaaaay back in 2008 lamenting the fact that schools don't have deadlines. Made me nutty. 'Lamenting' is a kind word. I was furious. Seems they're finally doing something about it, and Ari is entering grade 11 to the early strains of Yes, It's Really Due in Two Weeks. Happy dances all around. 'Bout damned time.

Anyhoo. The sun is out now, and the heavy machinery has kicked in at the neighbour's (wow, it's been an awesome summer! I certainly hope that pool you've taken all summer to put in brings you as much joy as you've brought the rest of us, who have had our peace destroyed for 2 solid months now! My favourite part? When you let that pump thing run for 4 days. FOUR days. Day and night. Yeah, that was my favourite!), so I shall go about my day of listening for mice to get trapped in the gluey stuff in the bread cupboard. And wonder why, again, I have useless cats.

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Blogger Webgod Jeff said...

Didn't the invoice I just sent put a smile on your face?

September 08, 2010 9:57 AM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

I thought of you when I read MCallion was running for office again. That so called Reverend Terry Jones is a waste of sperm and egg. I know what building a pool in the backyard is like. Look on the bright side, you get the chance to hear drunken pool parties at 2 am next summer. Had to deal with that with a next door neighbor's hot tub. I just sent my dog out with the command "mailman". He ended that party in two minutes flat with his enraged barking. Man it was sweeet.

September 08, 2010 10:40 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

I can't believe I'm saying this, but no, you're not being bitchy. Far from it. Personally I believe that you have shown, for you, remarkable restraint.

I also find it very hard to believe that Mayor Hazel will likely run virtually uncontested in October. Why is this?

It's not that the woman has not done some amazing things for Mississauga. She is smart enough to surround herself with some very capable individuals. While she may believe that she does have Teflon coating, that inevitably, sooner or later, breaks down and works no more. If re-elected she will be 93 at the end of her term. Her admirers say she's sharp as ever. Really? Are her best years yet to come? Doubt it. To the good people of Mississauga, all I can say is, be careful what you wish for. I suspect she plans on running again simply because she believes that she can. Has her worship done anything of major positive significance in this last term?

Think about it: municipal politics headed up by Ford (shaking of head) and Hazel? Who will stand up to them?

Perhaps at some point in the very near future, our own bitch queen may seek public office; remember Hazel was not eaxctly a spring chicken when she got her initial political calling. Not that I'm for one moment suggesting that Lorraine is old...

September 08, 2010 10:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

crabbyapplesauce face again? I've just been following the blogs for the last month and one of the first blogs I read had the same title on August 11. Is crabbyapplesauce face a regular monthly blog or should I be feeling sorry for the poor sod?


September 08, 2010 8:07 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

First, welcome PJ.

Now then. In our family, 'crabbyapplesauce face' is our go-to bitch mode. It is after a late, dearly loved aunt. That's what a little neighbourhood kid called her one time a billion years ago. It stuck.

Like applesauce.

So. I throw it around carelessly, and it's more polite than putting 'bitching again' as a title.

Though I could do that most days, it would seem.

And you should feel sorry for anyone who lives with me. God knows they all do.

Mostly, I just like to rant a little once in awhile. I encourage all of you to do the same. You'll find some are more adept than others.

September 08, 2010 8:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahh! That explains the term. By the by wasn't complaining about your ranting. If I didn't enjoy your ranting I wouldn't keep popping in here to see what you may be on about today. Besides while you were away I got a chance to sing and insult you and Roz all in one post. Life is good.... and yes I do have to get a life...just hanging around here while I look. Thanks for sharing.


September 08, 2010 8:23 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Always happy to catch people up during intermission.

It's better that I do than Roz.

She can be really, really touchy. Just ask Webgod.

September 08, 2010 8:45 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

...more swings than a playground here...


September 08, 2010 9:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey. back off. You left me a zotz before you went out of town. I'm not that touchy and you're just chicken shit. blah, blah, blah Roz - GONE.

You want to zotz me? Let's go.


ps. this was all for Lorraine. You bloggers can zotz away all you want.

September 09, 2010 3:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee your family get togethers must be really warm and fuzzy....

And by the way Thanks for the welcome.


September 09, 2010 4:10 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Our family get togethers are made of awesome.

There's another sister who hasn't chimed in yet.

September 09, 2010 4:14 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Gilly has not been heard from here in weeks. It's about time there was a full complement of Twisted Sisters.

Was it something either Lorraine or Roz said?

September 09, 2010 4:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll probably get blamed anyway.


September 10, 2010 10:18 AM  

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