October 25, 2010

Front Pocket Wallet Man

Yeah, I know. I said it. I think a wallet in a guy's front pocket, especially jeans, looks dorky. My column today has initiated a boatload of angry mail from people telling me I'm wrong. And some other things.

I know putting a big, fat wallet in your back pocket causes back problems. Just like I know carrying an oversized heavy purse on your shoulder causes back problems. See, I don't think anyone even needs to carry around all that crap. If you have ten credit cards in your wallet, having a bad back isn't even the beginning of your problems.

And I heard about security issues, as well. My kids are also carrying around phones and iPods, so this is about more than wallets. They usually zip them into inner pockets on their winter coats. Women don't stuff their wallets into their front pockets, and we mostly manage not to have our purses ripped off. But again, I get it, and I wrote it anyway.

So, hate away. Let's agree to disagree this week.


Blogger Lucywestie said...

I havent read the column today. But my missus bought me this little plastic wallet thingy that I can get my drivers licence, health card plus bank card and credit card in. Its only slightly bigger than the cards and it fits perfectly in the front pocket. No unsightly bulges unless Im looking at the cocktail waitresses in Las Vegas!
Oh that was so wrong..but I have had my mum visiting from the UK for the last 3 weeks and I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but I drop her off at the airport today so Im giddy with excitement!!

October 25, 2010 11:57 AM  
Blogger DJW said...

Chin up, Man, you'll make it

October 25, 2010 12:11 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

At the height of his fame in 1968, Jim Morrison only had a drivers' licence folded between two pieces of cardboard for a wallet. Cash for everything else. He died of alcoholism in 1971 so make what you will of that.

October 25, 2010 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved the column. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I will also tell my boys if I think they look dorky and I totally agree that the wallet in the front pocket looks stupid.

October 25, 2010 2:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm. My twin Grade 11 sons both carry their wallets and cell phones in their front pocket and it isn't even noticeable enough to register as being dorky in my book. And I am just glad they are going out the door with both ID and a way to be reached.
My brother, on the other hand, has a totally dorky "wallet outline" worn into the back pocket of his favourite jeans.
Usually I think you are bang on, Lorraine, but have to disagree with you on this one!

October 25, 2010 4:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


After I arrived home after work today, I sat with a glass of wine to read The Spectator.
I came to your column and the heading leaped off the page sending a gasp out loud from my mouth - "at last"!
What my brain read was, "Don't be afraid to be a front-pocket wallet man"
It is amazing how a deep-rooted habit and belief in what is right can make your eyes see what is not there.
I immediately cut out your column and laid it on out kitchen counter for all (my wife, son and son-in-law) to see.
Yes - I have been vindicated I thought proudly. I could hardly wait to point it out to them.

You see I have gone through life being ridiculed for keeping my wallet in my front pocket. "You look like a geek!", my family told me over and over.
They told me it is like wearing clothes that are too big for you. Yes, you may feel comfortable but it is the "look" that counts, not comfort.
Well in defence of all front-pocket wallet guys everywhere; don't stop what makes sense and is quite frankly the right thing to do.

My son, my son-in-law as well as the majority of their friends keep their wallets in the back pocket. I say, "impractical and silly"!
Arriving home or at someone's house, the first thing they do is remove their wallet and lay it on a counter, a table or on the floor.
Guess what? Approximately 10 percent of the time they forget their wallet! A front-pocket guy never removes his wallet - he does not have to.
Back-wallet types, the same as every guy, cannot stand to sit on a hard lump in their back pocket, so they are forced to remove the wallet with the potential of leaving it behind.
It is like sitting on an old chair with broken springs and a pile of rocks strategically placed in the soft-rump sitting area. How ridiculous!
One of my son's friends from the USA left his wallet at our house and had to make a special two-hour drive (one-way) to retrieve it. No sir, this would never happen to a front-pocket wallet man.

Not only that, when you keep your wallet in your front pocket, it is safer from pick-pockets. The reason being that you are always thinking about your wallet, making harder for pick-pockets to steal it.

Alas, after getting to the end of your column, I re-read the heading - "Don't be a front-pocket man". How disappointing! Proof of my vindication simply vanished.
Lorraine, if you make a formal retraction in favour the real man - the front-pocket wallet man - I will provide free lessons for your son on how to correctly place his wallet in the front
pocket where it belongs!

Love your column.


...Pete On The Run

October 25, 2010 6:43 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

The way they cut jeans today, it's too rough to out wallets out front and not fun to sit on them either. That's what a blazer or nice windbreaker is for.That handy breast pocket.

October 25, 2010 10:26 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

First of all... most younger women today couldn't slip a dime in their front OR back pockets. A purse is a must.

I have always carried my drivers license, VISA, Debit, and OHIP cards in my front pocket. Alone. Nothing else. As Buzz would say... No unsightly bulge. Clean and discrete. It takes less space than the $60 I carry in the other front pocket. That's all it takes for me to travel the world. Oh... the passport does go in the back pocket, when required. And when the customs officer asks why it's got such a curve to it I simply say "you don't want to know."

If you need to carry more than that... get a man bag.

October 26, 2010 9:13 AM  
Anonymous Roz said...

purses for all! case closed.

October 26, 2010 9:29 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

My solution? Give wallet to wife. She has it metaphorically anyway (only speaking for myself). You know she's going to protect that with her life, especially if stowed in that bottomless pit of a purse.

October 26, 2010 9:57 AM  
Anonymous Roz said...

yeah, my husband does that too, followed by his sunglasses and whatever else he doesn't want to put in his pockets. My bag gets so overstuffed, I make him carry it. at which point in time I say very loudly, man with a purse! that normally stops that nonsense for a month or so.

October 26, 2010 2:39 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

It doesn't stop, Roz... merely interrupts the natural order of things!

October 26, 2010 3:11 PM  
Anonymous PJ said...

Wallet in back pocket for me with all the cards cash and change as well as a spare car key. I hate having stuff in my front pockets so only tissue in front pockets. The only thing I don't like about summer is having to have keys in front pocket. The other 10 months of the year my jacket/coat is like a womans purse with multiple sets of keys, phone, pills etc piled in all the pockets.

October 26, 2010 3:29 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

OK, lets take a poll.

I'm front wallet, left side. (bad back)

Keys, money and pocket knife right side.

Nothing in the back, would spoil the view!


October 26, 2010 10:54 PM  
Anonymous Zdge said...

Do a blog on how awesome Ari is at World of Warcraft!

October 27, 2010 12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i can't wait for the day when we have an electoronic device that replaces all the credit cards, health cards etc... that make your wallet thick.

October 27, 2010 9:06 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Makes perfect sense. Back in the late 90s we pitched this notion to municiapl, provincial and federal governments on both sides of the border. Everyone loves the notion but no one wants to be the first due to 'big brother' syndrome. Not too sure who those folks think they are kidding. These days, there is almost NOTHING that cannot be accessed on anyone - given the will, finances and motives.

By aggragating information on one piece of plastic, stored on a (more) secure chip, this information can be stored more safely han today and only 'authorized' personnel would be able to access.

Believe it or not, our e-health debacle is a clumsy and tentative step toward this brave new world.

October 27, 2010 9:45 AM  
Blogger marcelleqb said...

This is why I wear cargo pants. I put my keys, camera, phone, wallet, lipstick, etc in various different pockets on the sides and front. The ones from Banana Republic have very long front pockets so if there's a bulge, it will be midway down your thigh and only when you sit down. And I buy the men's cargos because the women's cargos are a joke when it comes to pockets. Actually, all women's pants have joke pockets these days.

When I must carry a purse I carry only the things I absolutely need.

October 27, 2010 1:32 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

a debit card, drivers lic. and a 10 spot is all I ever carry. Don't even like having keys in my pocket. Can't wear a watch, less is really more

October 27, 2010 9:21 PM  
Blogger Nursedude said...

Usually the wallet goes in my front pants pocket, right or left doesn't matter. If not in there then one of my jacket pockets. Sometimes, in the checkout line, I forget where I've put it and have to do the search every pocket pat down thing.

October 31, 2010 9:09 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Final word? In the latest Hammacher Schlemmer cata-thingie there is a wallet designed specifically for front pocket use. Does this then validate losers?

November 06, 2010 6:21 PM  

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