I admit, I hadn't really considered this until I read a little piece buried today in the back pages. Something called the Scottish Tartan Authority is asking men to wear unders under their kilts.
At first glance, after loving the idea there is a Plaid Ruling Body, I wondered why they care. I've long known, as surely as I know the square root of 984576 (which means not at all), that men are supposed to be nekkid under their kilts. I never cared much, because as much as I looooooooooooove bagpipes (hold your judgment), when I see the guys in the parades playing them, I'm really not thinking of whether or not their bits are al fresco. I just like the music.
I read a little more. Oh. They're talking about for men renting kilts. Ewwwwww. That's like renting a toothbrush. You really have to be told? And if you're a true Scotsman, you own your own damned kilt, right? I mean, they're passed down from al fresco father to al fresco son, and family cooties are fine. Not to paint a whole nation with a stereotype, but I've known Scotsmen who's wallets literally squeak when they open them, and they own their own kilt. Even their own little purse thing that hangs in front. A sporran, I think.
The kilt rental firms are worried it is both unhygienic and indecent. I'll go along with unhygienic, but I'll have to take indecent on a case-by-case basis. (Yes, I've seen that awful pic that's floating around. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, send me that picture again.) The problem, of course, is the optics. Every time I see a bunch of bagpipers strutting along, urging tears to my eyes (happens every time. Be quiet.), I'm only going to be wondering if their sporran is swinging in a home or away kilt.