November 24, 2010

Hot, Cross Buns?

I admit, I hadn't really considered this until I read a little piece buried today in the back pages. Something called the Scottish Tartan Authority is asking men to wear unders under their kilts.

At first glance, after loving the idea there is a Plaid Ruling Body, I wondered why they care. I've long known, as surely as I know the square root of 984576 (which means not at all), that men are supposed to be nekkid under their kilts. I never cared much, because as much as I looooooooooooove bagpipes (hold your judgment), when I see the guys in the parades playing them, I'm really not thinking of whether or not their bits are al fresco. I just like the music.

I read a little more. Oh. They're talking about for men renting kilts. Ewwwwww. That's like renting a toothbrush. You really have to be told? And if you're a true Scotsman, you own your own damned kilt, right? I mean, they're passed down from al fresco father to al fresco son, and family cooties are fine. Not to paint a whole nation with a stereotype, but I've known Scotsmen who's wallets literally squeak when they open them, and they own their own kilt. Even their own little purse thing that hangs in front. A sporran, I think.

The kilt rental firms are worried it is both unhygienic and indecent. I'll go along with unhygienic, but I'll have to take indecent on a case-by-case basis. (Yes, I've seen that awful pic that's floating around. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, send me that picture again.) The problem, of course, is the optics. Every time I see a bunch of bagpipers strutting along, urging tears to my eyes (happens every time. Be quiet.), I'm only going to be wondering if their sporran is swinging in a home or away kilt.

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Anonymous Sarah said...

What is this "hold your judgment" crap? You called the sound that bagpipes make "music" and I'm not supposed to comment?

November 24, 2010 9:30 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

Having grown up in Scotland and borne witness to many a drunken pipe band competition, I positvely loathe bagpipe music - much to the puzzlement of my wife. (Don't even get me started on musicas of that tv dreck, Glee.) Hearing the occasional familiar skirl o' the pipes may be magic to you; my take, after said pipers have been drinking gallons of real beer since early in the morning is quite different. Cats in heat? Too kind. Cat going through a grinder backwards? Closer.

November 24, 2010 9:54 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I love Glee.

That is all.

November 24, 2010 9:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As one whose ancesters are Scottish, the bagpipes are music. They really stir up the blood. No I do not own a kilt, but, my brother did rent one for a wedding in Scotland. Yes, he looked good in it and no he wasn't "nekkid" under it. (we asked)

November 24, 2010 10:01 AM  
Anonymous Susan M said...

I haven't an opinion on bagpipes, but I have a definite opinion on rented kilts now. If I were of the male species I would avoid them no matter what. One can only imagine how many fetishists have discovered the joys of having that scratchy wool next to... ewwwwwwwww.

No no no. Mustn't go there.

November 24, 2010 10:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"People who say they like bagpipe music will lie about other things too." - Anonymous.

November 24, 2010 11:17 AM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Mull of Kintyre gives me goosebumps every time.

And there are few more pure sounds than a lone piper, on the shore of a quiet lake.

That being said, Omeeme's description has an urgent sense of reality to it when the pipes are tortured by an unbeliever.

November 24, 2010 12:30 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

I teared up TWICE at Glee last night. Couldn't believe it myself.

As for bagpipes, I think you could make better music playing Maggie. You're weird. (is that how you spell weird or is it wierd? looks wierd both ways.)

November 24, 2010 4:46 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Roz. I before E except after C. Don't you remember that from public school?

Weird, of course, is one of the 56 exceptions to that rule.

November 25, 2010 9:03 AM  

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