December 8, 2010


Pets, Food, Whatever

I was wandering around Fark, which is always a giant time suck, and came across this.

An Arizona restaurant apparently made an special Easter dinner earlier this year using rabbit. Hahahaha. That cracks me up. People eat rabbit all the time, but for some reason cooking it on Easter makes them heinous. I mean, everybody knows the true meaning of Easter is a giant bunny leaving chocolate eggs all over the place. No, no, I'm kidding. The best version of Easter I ever heard (and forgive me; I cannot for the life of me remember who I'm stealing this from) was that Jesus came out of his cave and saw his shadow, so there would be 4 more weeks of winter. Anyone who equates a bunny as being sacred to Easter needs a thump.

Anyhoo. Now the same restaurant is featuring their new Christmas menu. Reindeer. Hahahaaa. Same people, same knots, same panties. I've eaten reindeer. It was yummy. But you have to cook it over a birch fire. And you have to have many, many little shots of something called aquavite or something like that first. The truth is, I think reindeer is yummy. I know aquavite is. I had it in Sweden, a couple of hundred kilometres north of the arctic circle. Then when we were sufficiently full of reindeer and aquavite, we stood outside in a billion degree below zero snow and watched the Northern Lights. Yeah, that was cool.

I was talking to Roz and told her I was going to bitch about people who bitch at me. People who tell me that Blame it on Lorraine doesn't have enough mail. Which should totally reassure anyone I don't make it up, you would think, but no. One person spinning out an entire website laden - laden, I tell you - with content, isn't good enough. Pfffffft, I say. Actually, I say something worse than pfffffffft, but after cussing out Santa the other day, I feel a little bad about going stronger than pfffffffffting.

To make me feel better, Roz has instructed me to get an app for my iPhone. It is news to me that Roz knows anything about this, but she found a little thing called iquarium. You get a goldfish. She is enamoured. You must take care of this goldfish. She named hers Goldi-lox. I find that hysterical. And mean. You should meet Roz.

I downloaded it as she ordered me to (I am after all, a little sister), but you have to feed them and take care of them. This could get squirrely. That reminds me - I still have a dead squirrel in the backyard. This doesn't bode well for my as-yet-unnamed-fish. As I was talking to her on the phone (Roz, not Goldi-lox), she suddenly squealed. 'I got a treasure chest!' I can see this is going to be a long month.

The boys used to play Sims a few years ago. Actually, so did Roz, now that I think about it. Anyway, Christopher used to build a house and put in 100 stereo systems, beanbag chairs, pinball machines and a huge indoor pool. This was his idea of heaven. Oh, and bathrooms. All over. You have to create your house and your characters and then take care of them. Christer used to throw a party at his indoor pool, get everyone in swimming, then take out all the ladders. He used to kill off all the Sims. He also used to refuse to let them go to the bathroom, and they'd pee on the floor.

I remember once Roz called and said that CPS had showed up at her door to take her kids away. In her pretend world, she had a kid and forgot about it.

Things are not looking up for Goldi-lox.

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13 Comments:

Blogger djc said...

I think you just turned your phone into a pffffffing Tamagochi. When your fish joins the squirrel, you can "Blame it On Roz". All little sisters do, at least mine did.

December 08, 2010 2:18 PM  
Anonymous Blue Roz said...

Her name is Goldie-Lox. Capital L. I love her. She's waaaay easier to take care of than cats. I'm now looking into other ipod pets. They are very relaxing and you don't need to look where you are walking. (and they give you little progress reports: "you have a very happy fish") heh!

December 08, 2010 2:19 PM  
Blogger djc said...

Still sounds like an Tamagochi. Give Goldi-Lox her own ring tone, then add to "comments" when you get to make her "happy" in the middle of the night. I think I'll go get a bagel....

December 08, 2010 2:27 PM  
Anonymous Blue Roz said...

hey djc, I need to buy a vowel.

my word's "ionoot".

that speaks to me.

December 08, 2010 2:49 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Sigh...Lorraine, that best Easter Bunny joke you can't recall where you'd heard it from? I saw it on a popular Blondes joke website. It is hysterical and clean too. Just sayin....

December 08, 2010 2:58 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I cannot believe Blue Roz is correcting my spelling on the name of her imaginary goldfish.

December 08, 2010 3:00 PM  
Blogger djc said...

Roz... I'll sell you a "why". That would make it I O Nooty.

Does that help?

I got "conglife"

December 08, 2010 3:03 PM  
Anonymous Blue Roz said...

Fish is fine. Keep logging on and off to try to get more points without spending $.99. The Sims was fun, quite addictive if I remember correctly and WHO got me into it?

and that dude, not the bad guy, can't remember his name's poinsettia tricks work.

December 08, 2010 3:20 PM  
Blogger djc said...

Glad to hear it. Keep logging. Probably a nephew. I think it was Ozzie.

December 08, 2010 3:22 PM  
Anonymous Blue Roz said...

Chris Brown, but not the felon is the poisettia guy, I think???

December 08, 2010 3:32 PM  
Blogger djc said...

Now that you mention it....Ozzie gets too much credit and he'll be saying pfffffft when he finds out he missed a party.

See if you can pronouce my word "aunct". I'm afraid to.

December 08, 2010 3:36 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

I was having my own party up here in the snow. 16" overnight and snowing again as I speak. My wife does this fish thing on her iPod touch - when she cleans the tank, the noise sends me from the room. I believe that is the reason she uses it.

December 08, 2010 4:31 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

The game/app Sheryl plays is called 'Doodle Fish Farm'

December 08, 2010 9:58 PM  

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