January 27, 2011

Back in the Saddle

Wow. Been ignoring this place. Sorry.

James Bay was outrageous. Awesome driving, awesome cars, terrific places and great people. This Saturday's Wheels section is going to be outstanding. Go buy it - you really need to see the pics from this adventure. Oh, and read my piece of course.

What have I missed? Well, I've finally caught up on laundry. Wearing a dozen layers every day takes up some clothing. The boys have eaten pretty much the rest of the snack trove I came home with - we took a lot of stuff.

I've been zipping around on TV a little - burning out early, catching up on sleep. Anyone else absolutely appalled at Steven Tyler hitting on girls young enough to be his granddaughters?? Seriously. Gross. I used to like you, but, geez, you look like someone took a piece of waxed paper and stretched it over a frame too tight, then drew on a Steven Tyler face with crayons. And then you're ogling 16-year-olds.

I still like Glee. Sorry. I actually had some downloaded on my iPhone on the trip. On these trips, everyone has an iPod. Driver gets to pick. With all the switching around of cars, you end up with everyone else's iPods. This is very good when it's Spencer Wynn's, our photog. He has tons of Pretenders on his. I was in heaven. This is very bad when it's Mark Richardson's. He has tons of one hit wonders and joke music. We're driving along when all of a sudden the walkie springs to life and we hear YMCA blasting from the other car, and through our windshield you can see Richardson doing all the dance moves. Poor Spencer. He also had to sit through I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt, Monty Python skits, Crazy Bitch and that Charlene song - I've Never Been to Me. You haven't lived until you've seen Richardson singing every word, in a soprano voice. "I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't s'pose to see...I've been to paradise but I've never been to me..."

Anyway. Glee. It came on mine while Laurance Yap and I were driving. Laurance is the Nicest Man in the World. Seriously. I should get him a t-shirt. Anyway, he very amiably says 'what is this?'. So I told him, waiting for the usual barrage of grief. 'Hey, that's okay!' says the Nicest Man in the World. I told him I was gonna do a headline: Laurance Goes All the Way to Nunavut to Discover Glee.

I saw a bunch of dead caribou in Radisson, Quebec. That's way up north. Where we went. It's a little disconcerting to go to the best hotel in town (okay, only) and see all these men - tons of them - in cammo. With rifle cases. And coolers. And dead animals strapped to their trailers. Everyone else was on another floor, so I walked down the hall looking for my room Saturday night. All the doors were open, with all these hunters sitting around. Relaxing. This means they take off their cammo. And smelling like old kielbasa. I told myself if was old kielbasa, because that was better than new caribou. In the dining room, there was a waitress or two. And me. And 80 guys in cammo.

I practically slept in my boots, I was so scared to take them off. The carpet was...odd. But the bathroom was lovely. Talk about a juxtaposition. I didn't take a bath, though, just a shower. I kept picturing hunters carving up caribou in the tub like a bad horror movie. Great lighting, though. I wanted to bring that bathroom lighting home with me. I looked lovely.

I'm sure there will be more to complain about later, other than Steven Tyler's lechery. I need groceries.

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Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

As soon as I saw the heading, I knew I should have averted my eyes, but no, I could not, did not.

I used to like Aerosmith. Steven Tyler with his swaying hips and drop-of-a-hat scream with the Mick Jagger lips... kinda made the late 70's cool.

Now, he looks like Joan Rivers maiden aunt, a parody of himself for all the world to see. And please, he's 63 years old and acting like an ogling member of the DNA-soiled raincoat brigade. Steve, baby. you're 63, not 23. As my mother would say (yours too, LS), "Mutton dressed as lamb!"

January 27, 2011 5:02 PM  
Anonymous Joanne said...

I'm sorry, I just can't stop picturing you surrounded by all those *men in cammo* (was it bright orange?). It may take me days to get that image out of my head!

January 28, 2011 5:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome back from Canda's Outback, Lorraine!

Looking forward to the Saturday Star.

I like your description of Steven Tyler and Ozzies. Wonder what Roz has to say. American Idol used to be fun, now it is kind of sad. At least J Lo looks good.

"Men in cammo" sounds like a Leslie Neilson movie. Did anyone have a video camera?

Thinking about all of that Caribou and my word is "suppi". I think I'll order pizza tonight.

January 28, 2011 9:32 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Green cammo. The only orange was on the vests of the Quebec hydro workers, who were also there in abundance.

Mmmm. Quebec hydro workers.

So many men, so much cammo, so many orange vests...so many caribou guts.

We had video. But there is an agreement on these trips.

Actually, check out the Wheels site tomorrow (wheels.ca) they'll be posting some video, I believe. I'm the chick in all the layers.

January 28, 2011 9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any leather or Ottawa Street boots so we can indentify you quickly?

January 28, 2011 9:53 AM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Huh... I noticed that when the Prius tried to pass the Porsche that a large plume of steam (aka: exhaust) erupted from the Porsche. Couldn't stand being passed by a hybrid, I guess. I wonder who was driving the Porsche...

And they say men have big egos.

January 28, 2011 3:40 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

Saw the video of the sled.

Did your mittens have strings?


January 29, 2011 9:44 AM  

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