I Skype with a group of friends from all over the place. One of them brought a task to the group yesterday.
Good friends of hers, two lesbians, are searching for sperm donor in order to have a child ‘Lisa’ is 1/2 Vietnamese and 1/2 French Canadian. ‘Heather’ is English/Native American and "something else that's white." They are both around 5'8." I told Lisa I was going to leave it to the "Skype Ladies"... and she said "NICE!" ("no major crazy allergies, those are a pain in the ass"... she says cancer happens everywhere, so that's not a factor. All of the anonymous ones are out. She wants the kids to have the info if they want it.
And so the Skypers went to work..... I was not home, but came home to read the following conversation:
Skype K: I don't want to know what "available washed inventory" means. ::shudder::
Skype S: O god these are fascinating.
Skype K: 7724 sounds perfect. Chinese (50%), Norwegian, German, Irish, Native American: jackpot.
Skype S: You click on the pdf and get their own personal profile
Skype K: Yeah, 6'1", 236
Skype S: Lisa will be the egg person, so she brings the Asian
Skype K: "exotic fruit allergy" I don't think that would carry over and it's treated OTC = they don't DIE
Skype S: read the impressions documents
Skype K:” Co1: began drug and alcohol abuse in high school due to ridicule because of undiagnosed dyslexia; Co2: drug abuse began in military, is still currently using, estranged from family”... sperm donor fail...back to the chart
Skype S: Yup it's crazy...this is a great project
Skype K: Studies Sanskrit in his spare time....I reject anyone who categorizes themselves as 1/64th native American...I’m 1/13th Maori (finger)
Skype S: Lisa is happy you're helping
Skype K: I feel like the sperm whisperer
Skype M enters the room: What kind of job is Personal Attendant? Oh, and why are you surfing sperm donors?
Skype K: We're helping lesbians create life...personal attendant = professional ball washer
Skype M: Did said lesbians ask for our help, or are you starting some kind of public service?
Skype K: Said lesbians asked. I would never presume
Skype K: Okay - here's my first choice...I went through all of them...I vote for the chef (of course)
Skype M: You most certainly would presume... you're presumptuous as hell :)
Skype K: Well, yeah... but I like to make people think it was their own idea.
Skype K: I got up this morning and thought - I’d like to help lesbians choose a sperm donor. I called it out to the universe and the universe answered, "F*ck yeah!"
Skype S: Lisa wants help
Skype K: This is my second choice: he describes his personality as a mix of Harry Truman and Eeyore. I’d totally hit that.
Skype M: I prefer to think that Skype K’s doing random acts of sperm
Skype K: It is my custom.
Skype S: Damn... 5264 said ‘no’ on identity release program
Skype K: Those are the two best though. Booooooooooooooo . I mean, how can you not love this guy? "One of my hobbies that I am very passionate about is road cycling. (Yes, the dorks who wear very tight, obnoxiously-colored spandex.)"
Skype K: One has a little Asian in there and the other has a little Native American. Well, really it's the lesbians that would have a little Asian in there, but I digress.
Skpye M: His hobby is his passion for cycling? That sounds faintly obscene
Skype S: Lisa brings the Vietnamese with her eggs
Skype K: My hobby is a passion for free yogurt. Put that on a sperm donor chart. Let us re-examine.
Skype S: I knew you'd love this! Heeeeee
Skype S: Lisa says "Skype K has to play by the rules"
Skype K: OK. So we're looking for Native American not Asian. I was looking for both and identity is a must
Skype K: Ask Lisa on a scale of 1-10 how important having Native American is vs. Identity
Skype S: You can't have everything...I think Native American is negligible
Skype S: I found one!
Skpye K: there's no Indian in there! And he DESCRIBES himself as an ENTP: ::shudder:: ... you want a non-judgmental extrovert running around???? (puke)
Skpye S: Just think how different siblings are...I don't think those things are hereditary
Skype K: You wanna meet my two INFJ brothers that I wasn't raised with? That’s less than 3% of the population...rarest type....not that I believe in that shit, but I still vote for my guy
Skype K: 6 foot tall and 137. If it's a girl, she'd be skinny as hell... bless that kid with a 6 foot 137 lb dad AND HE HAS DIMPLES. Dimples, oh. my. gawd.
Skype K: My guy: "I am extremely interested in fashion and design. I design and sew clothing and accessories. I also crochet hats."!!!! Come on now!
Skype S: brb
Skype K: Hurry up. We have a baby to father
Skype K: ”Everyone deserves to have children, to impart their values, beliefs, and knowledge to a younger generation. It was really important to me that this sperm bank catered to all including lesbian couples and single mothers by choice. It feels good to know that I am helping a family grow.” That's why he's going to be a sperm donor...isn't that precious?
Skype K: Oh, I’d feel so weird discussing this for real.
Skype J enters the room: What about all those craigslist guys with the big dongs?...Aside from their questionable taste in shower curtains
Skype K: ::gasp:: nevah! They are NOT good enough for my newfound lesbian friends!
Skype K: In 17 minutes - free Coffeemate on Facebook. I'm just sayin'
Skype S: I’m going to meet Lisa in a few minutes, then we'll walk downtown for Thai
Skype K: See if there are any good looking charitable guys there...ask for a Dixie cup
Skype E enters the room: I leave y'all alone for three hours and you start talking sperm
Skype S: After reading a bunch of those things, I think you should hang around a sperm bank for a potential guy. Read the pdfs. One is family history and a Q and A. The other is the staff assessment of the dude. They say things like "looks like Lyle Lovett"; "has big ears"....great screening for any man need
Skype E: I can do my own screening...and fertility is pretty low on my list of things to look for in a guy
Skype S: Just read the shit they say about themselves...it's hilarious
Skype E: I trust Skype K culled the best ones
Skype K: I did indeed