April 16, 2011

Noodle Legs

Well, that was fun.

I just did an hour spin class for the YMCA - they're doing a fund-raising Spin for Kids at all the area Ys today, and they asked me if I'd do an hour. Well, a few months ago, that seemed like a fine idea. 'Sure,' I replied. 'Happy to participate!'

I haven't ridden a bike since I was about 10. I don't do bikes. Anyway, I found myself at noon propped up on a bike in front of a very enthusastic instructor, some very loud music, and a roomful of people who do this all the time. I didn't realize that there are rules. There are special sections and music and intervals and they yell at you and call it encouragement. My arse wasn't feeling very 'encouraged'. Those seats are mean. I thought the standing up and pedaling part would be welcome, until I realized that after awhile, that hurts too.

I haven't blogged because I smashed my hand in the garage door. Know what you're imagining? Imagine worse. We have one of those insulated doors that has horizontal panels that fold up as you raise the door. I lowered the door with my right hand braced against the door. The door did what it was supposed to do, and unfolded as it was lowered. My hand did something decidedly more stupid, and stuck its fingers in the space that was closing. Piiiiiiiiiiinch. Blood everywhere. My peter pointer, my up yours finger and my ring finger were all smooshed in that space.

I got the blood stopped, finally, and decided it didn't need stitches. Yeah, it could have used a few stitches. Too late now, but my up yours finger is still a mess. And in this spin class, they tell you to stand up and 'get aggressive' and grab the handle bars and so I did and all of a sudden I realized that owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I had a couple of days of useless typing. And I was reading cool stuff and wanted to link it but it hurt too much and I don't like any one of you enough to blog in pain.

And my legs are noodly.

Oh, and my phone just rang. A prerecorded message from my local MP. Recorded. Dude. Piss off.


Anonymous jmd said...

Your garage door accident sounds painful.

Almost as painful as the time my Aunt Beulah got her boob caught in the wringer of the washing machine.


April 16, 2011 3:24 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

All I can say is...ouch!
Best wishes for a speedy recovery. I blog when I'm in pain and it makes for the most hysterical reading...at least that's what my lawyer tell me.Laughter and tears pouring down his cheeks while he wrings a silk hankie and tells me to "just pay the damages they're asking. It's in print, I can't help you."

April 16, 2011 6:54 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

My daughter needs a summer job. she could drive around with you all summer and be your "up yours" finger. She's relatively clean, relatively odourless, and eats like a frikin' baby rabbit.

And she love to sing, so if your radio breaks, you're all set.

Starting wage would be $10.50 an hour.

You're welcome. Hope it feels better soon. The description of what happened made my butt all queazy.

April 16, 2011 8:01 PM  
Blogger Nursedude said...

My better half does spin fairly frequently (insert words of sympathy for ND here) and offers the following advice:

1. Most serious spinners bring their own gel seats to provide for comfort.

2. You can buy special spin shorts that are padded in the strategic areas.

3. She has "special" shoes that get fastened to the pedals allegedly to keep her knees in position. My theory is that they keep you strapped in and prevent you leaving class BEFORE it starts.

Sorry about the fingers....hopefully your manual dexterity allows for use of the non-injured hand to express yourself non-verbally and point out "peters" of interest to those around you.


April 17, 2011 9:00 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

My former father-in-law caught his pecker in the oven door one Christmas morning. I was there. It was a scream I shall never forget. He died last year. Regretably, one of his daughters resurrected this painful gem when he was eulogized.

As Bill Clinton would say, "I feel your pain."

April 17, 2011 1:39 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Between the ringer washer and the stove door, you all have no idea how sorry I am I started this.

April 17, 2011 1:41 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

That must have been a heck of an eulogy.Also must have been an interesting Christmas morning. Heal quickly Lorraine before this blog is censored by the CRTC.

April 17, 2011 3:53 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

I just want pictures of everyone's extended family. Clothed.

April 17, 2011 6:57 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

I'd give my left hand to be ambidextrous.


April 17, 2011 7:41 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

As opposed to my ex father-in-laws right nut?

Get better soon.

Post a pic of the mangled hand?

April 17, 2011 9:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ouch...all sounds awful...hope you're better soon.
I got that phone call too. Actually listened to it and at then end when it said 'Hit 1 to order a lawn sign' and 'Hit 2 to show your support but do not want a sign' and then it was done. I was waiting for 'Hit 3 to tell us what you really thing of us' but it never came!

April 17, 2011 10:03 PM  
Anonymous PJ said...

As a Peter I'm not sure I want to know what a peter pointer is...not sure I want to know. It sure sounds painful though. Can't afford a garage door opener?

My word is kirof. I think I'll go watch some ballet. Come to think of it after you got your hand caught in the door, the results were probably something like an oscenity laced ballet....

April 18, 2011 3:44 PM  
Anonymous PJ said...

That should have been obscenity laced ballet. Nothing like trying to make a witty (to me) comment and then blowing it on the spelling (or typing as the case may be).

April 18, 2011 3:46 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Kirof sounds like something a Vodka laced Russian would yell at that Black Swan lady.

April 18, 2011 4:49 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

You know, I may not have that many commenters, but you are all so insane it just works.

And my hand is still killing me. I definitely should have gotten the stitches. And now my nice best friend, the doctor, is gonna rip it open and play home ec on it. I just know it.

April 18, 2011 4:52 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

So you will (finally) seek professional help? For the hand, that is,,,

I sense arthritis in your future if you banged it up badly...

April 18, 2011 6:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OUCH, OUCH & OUCH. For all 3 stories. Here I thought you were off on some grand adventure again, only to find out that we will be bereft of your blog while you get stitched and splinted like Edward Scissor hands. Maybe, before you are totally disabled, you can post the Bull Riding video to keep us entertained while you recover.

ullyza is my word. ullyza we will never see this video.

April 19, 2011 9:02 AM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Just got back from Copenhagen and now I'm off to London. The hairs on the back of my neck are still standing up from the squishing of the hand story. Well... If I had any hairs, I promise they'd be standing up. But as my wife keeps telling me, once you've launched a pair of ten pounders onto the hospital floor, everything else seems pretty trivial.

Those are her sentiments. Not mine. My imaginary hairs are still straight up.

I hope the gentlemen of the house are pampering you, and the Easter Bunny stuffs an extra Marshmallow Egg in your Easter Basket.

April 19, 2011 10:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oooooh...poor hand...stomach-curdling description...thanks alot!

Brent & I got that recorded message too... & I echo your response.... I wonder if the campaign dudes realize how a)annoying...b)insulting and c)counter-productive that type of thing is? It aint winning my vote.

Hope the fingers can fing again soon.


April 19, 2011 3:37 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

two words: butterfly bandages

They're a great substitute for stitches and they even work great for little cuts that don't need stitches but make a mess of regular bandages.

April 20, 2011 2:07 PM  

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