April 19, 2011

Puddles & Muddles

The puddles are outside. The muddles are in my head. I can't seem to make either behave.

On Sunday, I looked up to see big, fat snowflakes. I looked away, my preferred method of dealing with those things that make me sorry I ever stumbled across them in the first place. Ten minutes later, I heard Ari yell down "it's snowing!" as if I had made it so. I waited awhile, then went up and opened Christopher's bedroom door. It was 2 in the afternoon, or as my sons call it, dawn.

After a brief struggle with consciousness, Christer finally glanced out his window. "Holy crap, is it snowing?" he asked. "It is," I replied. "But then, again, it is November, after all." Rip Van Lazyass got up.

Speaking of Timeshift Theatre, I found this throw away on the election today to be quite hilarious. Someone asked Harper what he thought of the current debate to change succession to the British throne to include daughters. You know, to make if all fair- like, and to stop treating the unpenised like second class citizens. Knowing full well this is a nonstarter - I mean, really, who cares? - I was curious how Harper, that unflusterable man of all seasons would joust such nonsense away.

“The successor to the throne [Prince Charles] is a man,” said Mr. Harper. “The next successor to the throne [Prince William] is a man. I don't think Canadians want to open a debate on the monarchy or constitutional matters at this time. That's our position, and I just don't see that as a priority for Canadians right now at all.”

Oh, my. You couldn't have just stopped at 'this item of business is surely best left to the people of that country?'. You couldn't have said to the reporter, 'Tell you what. Let's pretend that question doesn't count, and you can go back to having all 5 of your questions for me intact.'

No, instead he has to chuck his Florsheims down to the low road. I can picture him as a tot. A tot in a sweater vest, but still. "No! We do it that way because that's the way we've always done it!" If women in this country ever needed another reason to show this political party the door, surely this was it. I like when things this ridiculous end up being this revealing.

Got another recorded message from my MP. Listen up: I'm not voting for you. Your calls annoy me. Hell, calls like that from a party I do vote for would annoy me. The fact your leader would be thrilled I am in my kitchen making dinner when you make the call does little to sway me. Maybe I should kick off my shoes to complete the picture. Perhaps have a third child. Get out of the workforce. Get that band of gold on my ring finger. Buy you a sweater vest. Told you I was rambling.

Saw Tina Fey on TV. I would like her to be my friend. Saw ten minutes of the Sun News Channel yesterday. Don't want any of them to be my friends. Wrote a column about my kid drinking coffee with sugar in it. Got told I was killing my kid with sugar.

Go watch this video. Joy Taylor is a buddy of mine. She's a reader, and I adore her. She writes letters to the editor all the time. She writes letters to me all the time. I went to visit her. She wrote her memoirs, and sent me a copy. I want to be Joy when I grow up.

Grete Waitz, who won 9 New York marathons, died of cancer at 57. This has me rethinking the whole fitness plan I recently embarked upon. When I recover from my finger injury (still hurts like a beeotch, thanks for all your letters), I shall have to seriously weigh the pros and cons of getting into shape as seriously as I weigh my butt.

Flipping around the channels last night, I was pleased to note that The Partridge Family is back on. I watched Keith sing I Think I Love You to a fiesty little feminist, and my heart dissolved. I watched the rest of the 'family' lip sync, and knew, as I have always known, that I could have been a Partridge. I would wear that lace bib. I would wear that velvet pantsuit. I would forgive Keith for losing all his hair. And I would overlook just how weird the whole Rueben thing was.

Kids want to be fed. Which means it's time to go melt cheese on something and if they complain, threaten to show them my finger.


Blogger Lucywestie said...

You know what makes a really good grilled cheese sandwich. In the US those wonderful people who make Helluva Good Dip also do Helluva Good Cheese with Jalepenos and other funky stuff. Slice that on some bread and throw it in the pan. Fricking awesome.
As for the coffee, my son drinks a 4x4. Yes, 4 cream and 4 sugar, pretty sure there is no room left in the cup for any coffee.
As for the election, well I keep getting phone calls at work from people complaining about those election lawn signs being wrecked by fine upstanding youths. Im sorry, go outside and stick it back in the ground, that isnt a 911call.
My word is "pothrous" which sounds almost like Pot Roast, it almost makes me hungry but I just ate a big bag of M & M Peanuts candy, Bulk Barn is probably my favourite store right now.

April 19, 2011 8:20 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

The Partridge Family ruled. Loved that show to no end. Danny was a red headed monster. That whole Oedipal episode where Danny guards Shirley from Cuddles was great fun. Keith explaining to Danny why that wasn't "normal". Oh please, more! As if riding around in a bad Mondrian painting copy of a bus and singing bad songs was normal.
but I digress...just noticed I typed my verifucation word where my identity word should be. Too many beers today.

April 19, 2011 8:46 PM  
Anonymous jmd said...

To steal a line from Paul Benedetti, who writes a column in the Hamilton Spec, a lot of people decide who to vote for by reading lawn signs. That is why every year there are a ton of write-in votes for some guy named Royal LePage.

April 20, 2011 8:28 AM  
Anonymous B1 said...

Harpoon is a moran, and I wouldn't vote for him or any of his familiars. Locally, the guy is a bible-thumping used car salesman.

Problem is, the only leader with any integrity or quality is Duceppe. And he wants to tear the country apart.

I'm going to the garden to eat worms.

April 20, 2011 10:23 AM  
Anonymous Roz said...

I had the "pleasure?" of meeting Danny Partridge a few years ago while in Barbados. He was loudly performing in a bar for his wife (I think ex now? Gretchen) and boy, did he ever grow up to be a larger version of little Danny Partridge. Love the video by Joy. Hope she makes a lot of money off YouTube.

Suggest you get your hand looked at or I can bring a needle and thread this weekend.

April 20, 2011 10:51 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

I'll also show up - with a staple gun and bottle of Belvedere...

Staples for you, Belvedere for me - I'm selfish that way.

My word? 'Boamb" - as in, "there's a boamb in the boot of my car.'

April 20, 2011 11:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joy Taylor should meet up with Helen Philpot. That would be epic.

I wonder what the Brady Bunch are doing? Didn't they go to Partridge family concert once?

Further to Lorraine's comment about Reuben, do you think he was Danny's father? They had the same round head.

April 20, 2011 11:30 AM  
Anonymous PJ said...

Oh Lord! How I had the hots for Mrs Partridge! There was just something about Shirley Jones....

My word is peraf as in peraf I should go do something useful.

April 20, 2011 4:03 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

Rueben had to be a lousy manager.
Think about it... million selling records, their own TV show, and still they toured in that beat up crappy bus from the early 60's that broke down every second episode and they had to play a gig to get it fixed. Orrrrr... he must have been taking a huge cut.
But Laurie was HOT.

Cant you use one of the cats as a service animal during your recuperation? Mine sat on the keyboard this morning and typed "ppppppppppppp[[[[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]" perfectly.

Sorry about the weather folks...I'm on vacation this week.


My word is 'unwats' Is that like un-cola for electricity?

April 20, 2011 9:50 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Seems to me 'da boyz should be feeding you peeled grapes or something. You should not be makin' grilled cheeses wit' youz finger all mashed up. Guido an' me can come over an' fix 'em up real good. We have, what we likes to call "Da Motivater".

Does anyone know why there's a handicapped sign next to the word verification? I'm hoping it's not just for me.

April 21, 2011 6:48 AM  
Blogger DJW said...


With Uncle Chuck having his own show on Sun, and you being a frequent flier on his radio show, does that mean you're going to show up on Sun TV?

Future Sunshine Girl?


my word = clansfus

"All of the clansfus over her Easter Possum Stew!"

April 21, 2011 9:53 AM  

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