May 31, 2011


Oh, now this is rich.

Literally.

So. New York lawyer Dude, married to New York lawyer Dudette, get divorced. Hardly rare. But they did their settlement a couple of years ago, when some guy named Madoff was diddling with people's money. Seems Dude and Dudette decided on how to separate their wealth, and he pulled some millions (lord, how removed am I from this story?!) from his Madoff account to pay off her. Dudette decided not to invest with Madoff, and made off with her money and did her own thing.

Fast forward. Like some backassed Dickensian fairy tale, Dude is pleading, "please, sir, I want more." Seems he is prepared to argue to the Supreme Court that the divorce should be reopened because he (waaaah) lost all his money. The fact it's climbing up the justice food chain is ridiculous to my 'really? really??' mindset. He's saying that the asset didn't actually exist, therefore, ergo and whatnot, it is not real. That account that he withdrew from. Yeah, that one.

There is a reason people lose sleep and sanity over divorces. They are hard and wrenching and horrid. 'Amicable' is often a code word for 'medicated', and until you are long years out of it, you can't look back with any peace. I can't imagine being rich and getting divorced; being poor and getting divorced was crappy enough. Frankly, if you're rich and want to stay that way, I suggest you never get married. If money matters a lotttttttttttt to you, I suggest you don't get married. Feel free to ignore my advice. Most do.

The thing is, a divorce - especially in recent turbulent economic times - is like those machines at the bowling alley where you try to nab a stuffed animal with the metal claws. You choose the best position you can imagine, and plunge the hook down. And you get what you get, and you'll like it, to quote Christer when he was about 5. Seems our New York Dude wants a Mulligan.

If you've ever been divorced, you will be familiar with the Lottery Scenario. Be quiet. You know exactly what I'm gonna say. You imagine that the day after it's final, you win the lottery. Take that, sucka. And then in about 5 seconds, you reverse that thought, and get a little bit quiet.

You may not have to share in What's- His- Name's costly schemes anymore, but nor do you get to cash in if one of them actually works. You hear that, Dude? She didn't pick Madoff. You did. You lose. Suck it up.

4 Comments:

Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Bernie Madoff was a skid mark on a snake charmer's underpants. Harry Markopolos wrote a fantastic book called No One Would Listen which tells about how Markopolos discovered in 1999 that Madoff"s returns were mathematically impossible but no one in the SEC would listen to his numerous pleas to have them bring Madoff down.

I feel really badly for many of the people he brought down with him. Others.... not so much.

May 31, 2011 2:44 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Common law casebook is a huge deterrent to marriage and even living together. I wondered why Woody Allen and his sig other had separate apts until I read some of the goofy settlements in divorces. Goodbye to romance, your lawyer is the one you'll promise to honor, obey and cherish in sickness and health til death do you part.
Now I'm not really a cynic, I love the idea of romance and hearts & flowers but this generation of people doesn't get it. It's like an expensive cell phone contract.

May 31, 2011 4:33 PM  
Blogger marcelleqb said...

American courts make no sense these days.

June 01, 2011 12:31 PM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Just noticed Lorraine, you used the word Dudette...this was ringing ancient, cobwebbed bats in my belfry and suddenly I remembered Studs and Studettes, a low rent, Canoga Park version of Chuck Woolerey's Love Connection show. I loved both of them for the sheer tackiness. Also remembering Puddy from Seinfeld wearing Chuck Woolerey's 8-ball jacket. "you talk to the 8-ball..." Thanks, now I have to find the time machine rewind button to blast me back to 1975 when I was happy.

June 02, 2011 10:37 AM  

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