September 21, 2011

Oh, sure, now the sun comes out.

I was supposed to be riding a horse right now. But upon waking up to overcast skies and clouds and impending rain, we had to cancel. I would have liked to have ridden a horse; I've never done it. But as you all know, me waking up gloomy means a crabbyapplesauceface blog entry. It's almost something you can count on. Unlike that stupid weather forecast I read a few days ago that said today was to be sunny, and instead delivered it yesterday. Who the hell delivers something early?

I have a new favourite song to hate. It's that Jagger one. It's horrid. Terrible, terrible, terrible. I never hated the band before (whoever it is), I mostly just didn't mind them. But this song is just awful. And forgive me Young Pups in Modern Musicland, using Mick Jagger in your lyrics is not ironic nor iconic nor retro nor cool. It's just kind of stupid. Though I've at least finally realized what I hate about a great deal of music lately: no real instruments. I finally get what all the vinyl purists have been going on about. I want to hear real guitars, not synthesizers. Gawd, I'm getting old.

Let's tackle commercials on TV. There is one for Fabreeze. They take people to a house they must be filming an episode of Hoarders in (preferably one where they discover dead animals petrified under old boxes of Popeye's chicken and report cards from 1965), and ask them what they smell. 'Oh, meadows!' the blindfolded people exclaim. 'I smell unicorns!'. Then they take off their blindfolds and realize they're in a vat of sweat with poo smeared on the floor. I find this disturbing. First, nobody - and I mean nobody - is going to blindfold me and lead me away. Second, Fabreeze smells like Poptarts taste. You inhale that crap deeply, you cough. Trust me.

My cat JoJo is sitting here staring at me for no reason. She's a lovely cat, but she's a dim, dim girl.

That reminds me. I have to go pick up cat food. They eat the most expensive stuff there is and I have to go to the vet to get it. 4 cases, 250 bucks. It's the only way to keep them out of the vet's with UTIs (if you don't know what that is, you don't even care about this whole topic anyway, so not to worry), but what a racket. Christopher calls their food cate. I don't know how to put a little french accent over the 'e', but now I know you're saying it right, so, mission accomplished.

The first record I ever bought was a 45 - Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head. That's for anyone who would like to know more about me.

Oh, and here's my take on election signs: I hate them. I really do. I find them cluttery and distracting and not at all good at making me change my mind about things. In fact, they just reinforce my decisions, and often in ways that the sign putter uppers might not realize. I know that candidates can put signs up on private property, which means if I see one outside a business, that business owner is telling me how he or she votes. When I see a PC candidate's sign in front of a business, this is my thought process: You want to have PM Harper as your boss; Harper is still exporting asbestos from Quebec to developing countries with unregulated building codes; asbestos causes cancer and has been banned around the world; Canada should be ashamed; Harper is not ashamed; I will never vote for a government who supports this practice; you want to work for that government; this business supports you; this business supports exporting asbestos.

See how that happens? No more business of mine.

Sometimes I need a trail of breadcrumbs to get out of my own brain.

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Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

UTIs in female cats?

Unusual, no?

September 21, 2011 10:50 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Yeah. That's how special JoJo is...

September 21, 2011 10:51 AM  
Anonymous Caroline said...

"Sometimes I need a trail of breadcrumbs to get out of my own brain." I have the same problem! Thanks for your blog. :)

September 21, 2011 10:55 AM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

A nice rant, those Febreeze ads are just as dumb on the web. I had a long rant about cool old ads versus the junk today but realized after reading, that it was really a "generation" thing. Funny to think I've become that 'old guy in the room who gasses on about how things were different when I was a kid.' Remember what it was like being accosted by some old man at a party rambling about how his 55 Studebaker was great and Lawrence Welk was the bomb? I call those episodes 'old fart muggings.' I know a guy in town who does this perfectly. You can be a line up at Tim Hortons and he'll launch into a discussion about socks or something. He actually repeats his topics regularly like a tape loop. A serial monologist.I'll try not to do that to you, no promises but I'll try, really.

September 21, 2011 11:15 AM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Speaking of crabbyapplesauceface, there's Webgod Jeff weighing in on my blunder...I deleted it. I had the title written and then I must have hit a button or something. Which is odd. Usually Maggie walks across the keyboard and posts, and I also never, ever put the title in first.

Hmmmm. Last night I wrote a long note on my stupid iPhone and then it evaporated. I cried. All that stupid poking away and then it disappeared.

September 21, 2011 11:37 AM  
Blogger Nursedude said...

Election signs: Anyone who is swayed enough by a sign to vote one way or the other probably doesn't deserve a vote.

Cat Food: They only stare at you because they can see the spirits making face behind your back. Our two lovelies eat special non allergenic dry food only available (at the vet) so I feel your pain.

First 45: I'd like to say it was something cool like A Whiter Shade of Pale but it was probably something like YMCA .

September 21, 2011 1:20 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

First 45: Stones, The Last Time.

My word? Arquit -pirate talk for stop it!

September 21, 2011 2:58 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Your Jo-Jo needs to meet my Sandi. They will embrace and the rapture of the Universe will enfold them.

First record I ever BOUGHT was a 45 as well. Hey Jude/Revolution. First record I ever OWNED was a 78. Winnie the Pooh and a Blustery Day. Two record set. One label was blue, the other was green. My little record player used small nails. My dad would buy them at the hardware store and we stored them in a little canvas bag.

Christopher Robin goodbye, I.... and all of your friend send.... I mean all of your friends sends.... well anyhow, we send our love. 50 years later I can still remember the words.

September 21, 2011 3:26 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

Maybe JoJo is staring at you because you need to buy cat food.

...just a thought...


September 21, 2011 7:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My first 45 was the Bay City Rollers, Saturday Night!

I saw the video for that Jagger song this morning while working out. Had my ipod on so I didn't hear the music but just the video looked stupid enough that I had no desire to stop what I was listening to and hear it. Then Christina Aguleria popped up in idea why Maroon 5 thought they needed her but I can't imagine she helps it out.

My word is jecatung...must be something to do with JoJo

September 21, 2011 8:01 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

That's the sound she makes when she snorks up a hairball.

I had Bay City Roller albums. And Leo Sayer. And Trooper. See how willing I am to stand before you in all my geekdom?

September 22, 2011 9:51 AM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

You know, the bi-polar thing we can deal with. It's the Bay City Rollers admission that will have people running to the hills. A true Scottish embarrassment if ever there was one.

September 22, 2011 10:01 AM  
Anonymous Roz said...

I was going to out her on the Bay City Rollers crap as I had to live through it. I think she even made herself a pair of short pants with plaid inserts down the sides. All Bad.

My first 45 was Sugar, sugar by the Archies. Beat that! Our first LP was Hair until my mother heard the words to a particular song and decided it was way too risque for young girls. (so she bought us a 45 of the song Hair and returned the LP) Ah memories.

September 22, 2011 11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate election signs too especially the ones that get posted directly on the corner of a street in your line of vision for oncoming traffic. There is a really bad corner on my way to work that oncoming traffic come up a hill and you can't see them to begin with....add a huge ass election sign and this corner could be deadly! Politicians spend your time knocking on doors and talking to people forget the signs! Save your money and save our environment!

September 22, 2011 1:23 PM  
Blogger Lucywestie said...

First record I actually bought for myself was the theme tune to The Rockford Files. I mean, come on, I was a kid growing up in the UK and there was James Garner driving around in this shiny gold car. I had to order it from a local store. Played it to death.
If you want a bit of a retro laugh go to this link

Turn up the volume and laugh a little.
As for cats, well we have a dog, no cat people in this house. But then again, you dont have the issue I had today where I was downtown outside the bank, forgot to bring a crap bag and my little bundle of joy downloaded half her body weight onto the pavement. I had to rush into the convenience store and beg a bag. I forgot my boy scout motto "be prepared and always carry a crap bag"
One last rant, who the hell thought it was a good idea to send Blockbuster into bankruptcy in Canada. We have been buying all their stock at 50% off or more this week, but its a shame. I dont downstream or pirate movies, I like a disc..or video.
Cheer up, the weekend is around the corner and Fall starts on Friday.

September 22, 2011 3:14 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I think Roz should can it on the Bay City Roller snark. Or I'll bring up a certain haircut...

September 22, 2011 5:23 PM  
Blogger OmemeeOzzie said...

I vote you post a pic of Roz and the haircut - regardless!

September 22, 2011 6:18 PM  
Anonymous Padraig said...

My first and only 45 was a promotional effort for Honda motorcycles entitled "Two Wheel Freedom", recorded by the Guess Who. Randy Bachman wrote the music and I wrote the words, so both our names are on the credits. My one claim to rock and roll fame. Yes, you may kiss the hem of my garment

September 22, 2011 9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay. Padraig made me laugh.

This is me. Lorraine. On my iPhone.

September 22, 2011 9:34 PM  
Blogger DJW said...

ooooo Randy Bachman is my hero!

...but I wont kiss your anything.

my first 45 was a promo for Radio Station CKPC.


September 22, 2011 9:36 PM  

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