If you're of a certain vintage, you just thought of Alpha Bits. Remember that commercial? Once a year I buy a box of Alpha Bits. They're nasty little things that leave a puddle of sugar milk behind that my cats fight over. Every year, for the once a year I bought them, my ex-husband would laugh like hell as he went by and tell me I was 'the wizard of words'. He said it 7 times.
I wrote in a column once that I usually only buy the boring cereals: Shreddies, Rice Krispies, Special K, Vector, and granola and oatmeal. Which is the truth. So of course some reader wrote to me to tell me I was eating pure crap, and that didn't I know that when I purchased any product that had 'cereal' listed as a main ingredient it was garbage? So I looked at my side to see if 'cereal' was the first ingredient listed, then realized I wasn't planning on being consumed, and if it were to happen to be by say, a bear or something, he probably wasn't going to be too terribly worried about my fillers and by-products.
Sometimes I buy Corn Flakes, because my Dad used to. Do you know how bad Corn Flakes are? Before you can even put the milk back in the fridge, they've melted into little gummy flakes and you end up shoveling soggy pieces of flannel into your mouth.
Every time I see a cereal that promises to stay crunchy in milk, I can only think of Chevy Chase and Christmas Vacation, and the shellack he invents for cereal. So I don't buy it. Then of course I have to think about the hat that Randy Quaid was wearing when he emptied his RV holding tank, and I laugh and laugh. I've mentioned it before: we call those sh*tter hats. Because he says he's emptying the sh*tter. Whenever I do a winter driving junket, we get one of those hats. And you know what? Nobody looks good in those hats. Nobody. Brad Pitt would look bad in that hat. Though he could come here and I could attempt to put it at a jauntier angle to help him look better. I wore one in James Bay earlier this year; we drove up there and it was 48 degrees below on the ice. You couldn't not wear that kind of hat. But you could certainly have not put my damned picture on the cover of the section, Mr. Editor. Sigh.
Probably keep the bears away, though.