October 26, 2011

Miss you, Pop

Ah, wow. It's the 15th anniversary of my dad's death. I struggle with this day, this whole time of year, in fact. I woke up to drizzle and dark, and decided even the weather is commiserating.

I wrote this column two years back - it still says it all. I love that picture. Yeah, that was my wedding. He died exactly 6 years later - on my wedding anniversary. We won't talk about that. The man did like to have the last word.

I just drove Christer to work, and said something about the day. He couldn't believe it had been 15 years. "I was in kindergarten, right?" he asked. I said yup. He turned 5 a week after his Pa died. He remembers, though it's fading fast. Too fast. "You okay?" he asked, peering at me as I peered through the windshield wipers in the still-dark morning.



Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig hug.

October 26, 2011 9:46 AM  
Anonymous buzzwhack said...

Life goes on, I think about my Dad as well who passed away in Nov. Everyone gets to enter the Morpheus funhouse. No one sends postcards from there. Don't let it ruin your day. Dad wouldn't want that.

October 26, 2011 10:41 AM  
Anonymous Zena said...

The greater the love, the greater the grief. Some losses never leave us.

There's some bit of irony, that...

As for the weather: a rainy embrace is an embrace nonetheless. Consider yourself thoroughly hugged.

October 26, 2011 3:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was 2 years in June for Ma, and it will be 2 years next week for Pa.

Please tell me this gets easier.

ya done good.

October 27, 2011 12:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate October. Three grandparents in the same month, not the same year, but I was lucky enough to have them for a very long time and had great relationships with them all and still miss them even after so many years without them.
Can't imagine losing a parent and being the same age as you, I know I am lucky to still have them around, driving me crazy, but still going strong. They too have great bonds with my kids and it will be tough when that day comes but for now I am thankful for them and all they do for us.

October 27, 2011 5:34 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

Chris Brown. If that's your actual picture, you look like a serial killer.

by the by, I miss our dad too but he tends to haunt my house (which is cool).

October 28, 2011 11:21 AM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

No way, Roz!!!! After my Dad passed on, we kept finding dimes in our house. We were sure it was him, giving gifts to our girls who were 2 and 5 at the time. They loved finding those "little monies."

Honest to goodness truth.

And no, by the way, I was never convicted.

October 28, 2011 12:05 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

My Dad used to leave coins (he was a coin collector) but he also leaves lights on (which he would never do in life) and moves curtains to peer out the back window (which he was always doing in life). My Mom hangs out too, baking muffins (you can smell them but unfortunately there are no actual baked goods) and she moves pictures too - the pictures that she gave me. I think it's really cool and comforting but some of my friends are creeeped out by it.

October 28, 2011 12:29 PM  
Blogger Chris Brown (not the felon) said...

You're lucky to have them around. Our youngest always had a connection with the "other world" and saw, and talked to my Dad many times until she turned 4. Then the connection seemed to break. After we moved from our old house... no more little monies. I miss it.

October 28, 2011 2:27 PM  
Blogger Nursedude said...

I feel the same way about July nnow. My dad passed away on 01 July 24 years ago(just as the fireworks were going off) and this year my Mom passed away in the early morning hours of the same day so they get to share another anniversary... It took a long time for me to enjoy the fireworks on Canada Day after Dad passed on. Anonymous: It does get better, but sometimes it seems like it takes forever to happen.

October 28, 2011 3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My oldest was 2 1/2 when I lost my grandmother. He could never say great-gramma and somehow she was happy to be big-gramma to him but nobody else could ever get away with calling her that. When he was 4 he had surgery and on the way home from the hospital was talking about how scared he was when the big male nurse came to get him and took him to the operating room, away from us. Then he said that he felt better when he got in the room because "big-gramma was there keeping me company" We almost crashed the car when he said that, I don't know what sound I made but she had been gone for two years by then and he had seen pictures of her but never really mentioned anything. Just makes me smile to think that she was watching over him. I shudder to think of the stuff she might be seeing him do now that he's 17 though!

October 28, 2011 11:36 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

Yup. Mom and Dad haunt me, Roz and Gilly.

Roz forgot to mention the smell of garlic appearing when Dad is around. He used to eat it raw, every day.

Nurse: same day? That's a little freaky. Or not.

LOVE the big gramma comment.

October 29, 2011 11:23 AM  

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